Scars
by moondustbeam
Summary: Alfred Jones has scars running all over his body and is treated like an outcast. Kiku Honda is a new transfer student, who doesn't know he's not supposed to be around Alfred if he wants to avoid being bullied himself. Ameripan, from Japan's perspective. Rated M for (TW) mentions of depression, suicide, and other sensitive topics. COMPLETE.
1. First Day

High school is a great time to meet new friends, have fun, and enjoy your teenage years. They're the best years of your life, and you're going to miss them and all the fond memories you have.

At least, that's what school tells you. It has taught me that nobody fits in, we're all assholes, and your life is going to be miserable unless you stay awake for forty hours straight doing nothing but schoolwork. Even then, you're going to get a job as a dentist or a real estate agent, working and driving your sports car until you decide your life sucks just as much as everyone else's and you hang yourself in your mid-forties.

Nevertheless, I looked up at the brick building in front of me, clutching the wrinkled-up piece of paper in my hand. I had to start all over again. I had to make new friends and take certain classes all over again because my credits wouldn't transfer. The best part was that I was attending an American high school. The type of high schools that are notorious for being horrible. I liked my school back in Japan. Japanese people are a lot more polite than Americans, and our education isn't crumbling into pieces. I still had to move to America after my dad got transferred, and I still had to go to high school. An American high school.

I sighed and slung my backpack over my shoulder, making my way to the glass double doors. I was still groggy from waking up at six-thirty to get ready for school. I don't see how Americans have it in them to get up and go to school so early.

The first thing I noticed upon opening the doors to this hell was the noise level. It took everything I had not to cover my ears. Kids were practically screaming as they stood right next to one another, and shouting across the room to call someone over to their circle. The whole hallway was crowded because the bell hadn't rung yet. I glanced down at my watch. A bright, blue 7:29 flashed in my face. Great. One minute of listening to the American students yell at each other from every direction imaginable. I decided to take the minute to look down at my schedule, which I had nervously been crumpling and uncrumpling in my hand since I got up. I had "Biology" first. Room 207? Where was that? I assumed the two indicated the second floor, so I made my way over to the stairs.

Just then, the bell rang, and it was like a stampede of bulls. I have never seen people run so fast and shove one another so roughly in my life. I climbed the stairs as fast as I could, then stepped out of everyone's way when I reached the top. Was this right? Should I go to the office? No, Dad told me the office wanted to see me after lunch, not in the morning.

I scanned the crowd of kids for someone to pull aside and ask for help. Nobody looked very kind, but I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. My voice started to crack as I called out to the group of kids in front of me.

"H-hello? Can anyone help me? Please? Where is room 207?"

But they all kept on walking. It was like nobody had heard me at all. I know I'm not the loudest guy in the world. I like to keep to myself and speak when spoken to. I still needed to know if I was heading in the right direction, though. I suppose I could have just walked around the school and found out myself, but who knows how long that would have taken?

I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around slowly to see a young man with slightly long, wavy, golden-blonde hair and blue eyes behind wire frames peering at me.

"Hey, do you need help?"

I gulped and nodded, thankful that someone was helping me. I thrust the paper at him nervously, and the boy chuckled as he read it.

"Trust me, I know how it feels to not be noticed. Do you need help finding your first class?"

"Y-yes."

"Let's see...207. That's right down the hall here. My brother is in that class. Come on, I'll show you."

I followed the stranger down the hall, taking in his various features. He was quite tall, much taller than me, and had some sort of white, bear-shaped backpack. I had an affinity for cute things, so I quite liked it.

He stopped in front of a door labeled "Biology 207". He smiled at me and held out a hand.

"My name is Matthew Williams. Yours?"

I shook his hand hesitantly. "Kiku Honda. I moved here...from Japan."

Matthew raised an eyebrow. "Japan, huh? You have some really good English. Well, I'll see you around, Kiku. My class is 205 if you need to find me again so I can show you to your next class. But you can just find my brother in here. He'll probably show you. Just don't-"

The late bell started to ring, and Matthew cut himself off. He ran down the hall, waving goodbye, and I offered a little smile. He seemed quite nice. Maybe we could be friends. I looked at the door before me and pushed it open with a sigh. Here goes nothing.

As soon as I stepped in, the teacher caught my eye. She gestured for me to come over to her at her desk.

"You must be Mr. Honda, correct?"

I nodded, still nervous.

"Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to introduce you to the class. Is that...okay?"

I nodded again.

The teacher smiled, a warm and motherly grin. She stood up and walked me to the center of the room. I could feel everyone staring at me, so I chose to look down at my feet. The teacher cleared her throat and addressed the class.

"We have a new student joining us from Japan. His name is Kiku Honda. I understand that Mr. Honda can speak English very well, but if he needs help, please feel free to help him out. Okay? Now, Kiku, go take a seat. How about you sit back there with Mr. Jones?"

I looked to where she was pointing, at the only empty seat in the crowded classroom. A blond boy sat with his head looking down at the papers on his desk. I made my way to the back of the room, listening to students whispering as I went.

"Oh, shit. New kid has to sit next to Freddy Krueger."

"He doesn't even know yet."

"Damnnn. I feel bad for him, ha."

I wondered what all of this meant. I set my backpack down next to the table and pulled my chair back carefully, peering at the boy the teacher referred to as "Mr. Jones". He still kept his head down, and his hair covered his face. His hands were placed in his lap, but I could see something on his arms. Did he have tattoos?

I sat down and continued to gaze at him. He wasn't moving, so I decided to speak.

"Hey. What's your name?"

"Alfred," he said quickly, without even moving.

"Oh. Nice name."

What a great way to start off the conversation. _Nice name._ I suck so much at conversing with people. I decided to peer over at him again, and watched as he slowly lifted his arms from underneath the table. He grabbed his pencil and wrote the word "notes" across the top of a sheet of notebook paper.

I allowed myself to look at Alfred's arms. At first glance, I thought he was covered in tattoos. But upon closer inspection, this was not the case. His arms were coated in scars. Large, winding scars that traveled up his entire arm, twisting his flesh. His skin looked bumpy and reddish-white, and skin was stretched and loose in various areas. I could tell the scars were probably from a severe burn, as they coated both of his limbs.

"I have a jacket I can put on if it makes you uncomfortable," Alfred suddenly spoke.

It took me a minute to find my words. "N-no, I don't...care. I mean, I don't, like, mind or anything."

Alfred's grip tightened around his pencil. He wrote the date on the corner of the page.

Alfred still wasn't looking at me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know why, but I was still very curious. I wondered if he was hiding his face from me on purpose. I leaned over and grabbed my backpack, shuffling around with papers until I found my schedule.

"Can you show me where my classes are, by any chance? I met some guy in the hallway, and he said that I could find his brother in here to help me. Do you know anyone with the last name Williams? Or, maybe, you could help me."

Alfred was silent for a moment, and I thought I had rambled on and annoyed him. I started to put the schedule away, embarrassed that I had asked.

Then Alfred suddenly turned and faced me. "Yeah. That's my step brother, Matt. I'll help you."

I could see why Alfred was hiding his face. His face was completely normal. Handsome, even. Except for one tiny detail.

His right eye was completely gone. The area around his eye and his right cheek looked just like his arm. The flesh was raised and twisted, a slight pinkish color, and the skin swerved around like a maze. The skin over his eye was nothing more than a slightly raised bump, as if he had never had an eye there to begin with. The rest of his face resembled his brother's. Alfred's one good eye was bright blue, and he too wore glasses. His jawline was strong and square, and his skin was tanned from the sun. His hair was shorter than Matthew's, more like a traditional men's haircut, and framed his face quite nicely. Albeit having a facial scar, Alfred Jones was incredibly attractive.

Alfred reached forward and grabbed my paper. I noted that the skin stopped becoming scarred once it reached his hands, which were completely unscathed.

"I have fourth period with you...and lunch. You have third period with Matt...I think. But yeah, I'll show you around. Don't worry about it. I could give you a tour or something after school if you want. Just not...while other kids are around."

Alfred slid the paper across to me as the teacher started to speak. I realized I had never learned her name, and glanced down at the schedule to see. Miss...Hedervary?

"Okay, you all know the drill. Time for notes." Miss Hedervary walked over to the door and flipped the lights off. The screen at the front of the classroom lit up, and suddenly I felt a few pieces of paper being slid over to my arm. Alfred was giving me paper to take notes on. I looked down and saw one he had already labeled as notes. I turned to him to offer a smile, but he was already looking down and writing something. As I decided to do the same, I heard the kids at the table next to us whispering.

"That kid didn't even flinch. He must be tough. Or watch a lot of horror movies or something."

"Yeah. When I first got here, I like, screamed when I saw him."

I frowned. I didn't really see what the big deal was. I was surprised kids would pick on Alfred for something like his physical appearance. He seemed nice enough to me.

Little did I know, those kids were just the beginning.

X

After class ended, I walked up the aisle as fast as I could. I didn't want to get crushed by the other kids. I decided to wait at the front of the room for Alfred. Soon after I looked back to our seats, however, I watched two kids shove him.

"Did you make a little buddy today, Jones?"

Alfred was curling away from them, keeping his face away. He was still packing away his things and staying quiet, but the kids decided to pester him for a few more seconds before leaving. As they made their way to the front of the room, they stared dead at me. I offered a small smile, and the kids merely scoffed.

"You have no idea what diseases that kid carries. Stay away, man."

I didn't see what having scars had to do with a disease, so I took their comments with a grain of salt. Alfred made his way over to me with his head down, then walked over to the door. He motioned for me to follow, and I quickly did.

One we were out in the hall, Alfred started to speed walk. He kept his head down and his fists balled. He turned the corner sharply, and avoided coming within several feet of anyone. I had to practically jog to keep up with him.

"Alfred! Kiku!"

I turned around and saw Matthew running up behind us. He slowed down his pace and walked in long strides beside me.

"Hey, Al, are you gonna show him his class?"

Alfred nodded, and turned another corner. We walked down the stairs, and that's when it happened.

"Whoa! Everyone, clear the way! The monster got out!"

Students started fake screaming and running away from us. I heard a few people making monster noises and yelling something along the lines of "Don't eat me!" Alfred kept his head down and walked faster, until he was stopped by a boy in the hallway.

"Don't worry, guys, I'll save you!"

Alfred, still keeping his head down, tried to get around him. The boy stopped and feigned surprise.

"Oh, no! It's some sort of cyclops!"

The students around us busted out in laughter. Matthew stepped forward and shoved the guy away from us, then gestured for me to keep walking. The guy behind us yelled that he was just kidding and to relax as we made our way down the hall. Eventually, we stopped at a set of double doors. I had library next, a class I had signed up for because I thought it would be fun. Alfred was still looking down, but his voice cracked as he spoke to me.

"Matt has third with you. He'll pick you up. See ya."

Alfred started to run back towards the stairs, Matthew following close behind. I wondered about these boys, and what their story was.

As I opened the door to the library, I heard kids shout that the monster was back.

**Ahh, sorry for being gone for so long! I don't think people really wanna see "The Love He Deserves" continued. So I started on a new story! Ameripan from Japan's perspective AGAIN. America getting the short end of the stick AGAIN. So fucking original. As always, review if you feel like it. **


	2. The Library

**I'm sorry, but all I could think of after that last chapter was "It's the cyclops!" from the Spongebob movie. Thanks to that random guest for leaving a lengthy review. I like them lengthy. ;)**

As soon as I stepped into the library, I was immediately greeted by a young man running towards me with a huge grin plastered on his face. Another person was running right behind him, but I didn't get to pay much attention to either of them seeing how I was suddenly enveloped in a hug.

"Hello! You must be the new student. I'm Feliciano. Welcome to the library!"

I hate hugs. Oh my goodness, I despise them. I immediately shoved Feliciano off of me, trembling slightly. I had my reasons for hating hugs.

"Feliciano, you idiot. Don't just hug random people without knowing them first."

A tall, extremely muscular blond boy, around my age, grabbed Feliciano by the collar. His blue eyes seemed hard and angry, but with a certain air of gentleness behind him. On the other hand, I could hardly see Feliciano's eyes. His hair was brown, but with the slightest auburn tint to it. Feliciano started to pout.

"Aw, Ludwig. You're no fun."

The blond boy, Ludwig, sighed and released his grip. He extended a hand out to me, and I took it with caution.

"Hello, Kiku. I am Ludwig, and this is Feliciano. He's my-"

"-boyfriend."

Ludwig's face grew hot with embarrassment. I couldn't help from thinking it was slightly cute. These two men seemed as if they were opposites in every way, and yet they dated? I wondered how the rest of the students felt about gay people here. After all, I would have to know eventually.

"I was going to say that you were my library assistant! Well, we both work here in the library for second period. It's very rare that you would get this period. I think they only allow four students in here."

Feliciano started to jump up and down on the balls of his feet. He rushed over to the counter, where I noticed a boy who looked an awful lot like him sitting behind the desk, feet propped up and with a magazine shielding his face. Feliciano struggled with him for a bit, then dragged him over to where Ludwig and I were standing.

"Lovino, brother! I'd like you to meet the new library student."

Lovino seemed like a sour one, like the rain cloud version of his brother. He shot me an angry glare, then stomped back over to his position behind the counter. Feliciano and Ludwig just shrugged his behavior off, and instead turned their attention back to me. Ludwig beckoned for me to follow him to the back of the library, and I decided to look around as we went. The library was awfully large for a school, but not quite as big as a public one. Everything around me seemed fresh and new, even the books. I presumed the library was a new one, probably gifted to the school or something.

We made our way over to the corner, where a tanned man with the brightest green eyes I had ever seen was carefully placing labels onto the corners of a stack of books. As we got closer, I examined the name on his teacher's tag: Antonio Carriedo. He looked like he was a very young teacher, perhaps in his twenties. When he looked up and noticed us, he smiled even wider than Feliciano.

"Ah, hello! Are you the new student?"

Ludwig nodded for me, and I noticed as Feliciano reached over and held his hand gently. Ludwig's face darkened as he started to swing their hands back and forth.

I peeled my eyes away from them and focused on the teacher in front of me, who had his hand out for me to shake.

"I am Mr. Carriedo. But please, while we are in the library, do not call me that. It makes me feel old. Call me Antonio."

"Yes...Antonio. I am Kiku Honda." I shook his hand gingerly.

Antonio smiled. It seemed as if he never really stopped smiling. "Well, I hear you are from Japan. I am from Spain. So it looks like we are both foreigners, eh? Heh. Want me to show you around? Or would you rather those two love birds give you a tour?" He eyed Ludwig and Feliciano, who were whispering to one another. Ludwig immediately snapped to attention upon hearing Antonio's comment, and grabbed me by the wrist.

"Yes, we will show him. Don't worry," Ludwig said, clearly embarrassed. He pulled me away and started to speed walk back to the desk. I struggled to keep up, being as short as I am. I could hear Antonio chuckling behind us as we went.

X

"So we shelve them alphabetically, see? I think it's pretty simple. Ludwig likes to keep everything organized. He usually runs this sort of stuff. My brother works in the back, keeping track of the books that are in or out. I usually just help with whatever needs done."

Feliciano was walking me around the shelves, showing me the ins and outs of being a library student. I could tell I was going to like this period, and the three of us seemed to get along just fine. Feliciano walked over to the center of the library and spun the globe that was sitting next to a pile of books. He stopped and pointed his finger on Italy.

"My last name is Vargas. My family is from Italy. Ludwig's family is from Germany. He has a brother who goes here, too. Did you know that?"

I wanted to tell Feliciano that there was no way in hell I was able to know that, but instead I just shook my head. This was the third person I had met today who had a brother in the school. Quite an odd coincidence. I have one, but he is much older than a high school student.

Feliciano smiled and continued. "And you're from Japan. Did you know that Italy, Germany, and Japan formed the "Axis" in World War Two? They did! Though I believe they refer to them as the "Axis of Evil" here in the United States."

I was about to just smile and nod, when suddenly Feliciano's hands shot out and grabbed my own. "That could be our nickname! We can be the "Axis"! Come on, please? It'll be so cool!"

I didn't know why he was begging me, or why he wanted this nickname so badly. Nevertheless, I offered a nervous smile and a nod of my head, and Feliciano started to jump for joy.

"Okay! We are now the Axis. Like a secret code name. So cool, right?"

Not really.

"Yes, very cool."

"I knew you'd like it, Kiku. It sounds like we're superheroes. We beat up monsters and bad guys, right?"

Monsters. I immediately thought of what those kids were saying to Alfred. Alfred...who seemed like a kind person who didn't deserve the kind of treatment he received from everyone. I figured the best way to gain more information would be to ask other students, so I gave it a shot.

"Yes. Hey, do you know Alfred Jones?"

Feliciano's expression immediately changed to a puzzled one. "Not really. I know of him, but I don't know him that well. Why?"

I shifted my feet nervously. "I don't know...he sits next to me in my first period."

Feliciano's gaze hardened. "Please don't tell me you were mean to him."

"No, no! I was nice. I just...you know about him? How everyone is rude to him?"

Feliciano sighed. "Unfortunately. I don't think he receives much kindness. The only times I see him is when he checks out books or he's walking down the hall. I try to be as nice as possible to him when I do see him, but he walks so fast and doesn't look at anyone. But who could blame him, right? He's got all those burn scars that everybody teases him for, so of course he doesn't like looking at people. I guess he's scared they'll make fun of him."

The bell started to ring, and I brought out my schedule from my backpack. I had first lunch, which meant I went immediately to the cafeteria. It also meant I had to speak with the counselors for whatever reason. They were probably just going to talk to me about speaking English, which I spoke perfectly well.

"Well, be nice to Alfred, okay? Tell him Feliciano said hi!" Feliciano waved goodbye, then ran back to the counter to meet up with his brother and Ludwig. I walked out of the double doors and headed toward the cafeteria.

Wait...didn't Alfred say I had lunch with him?

X

I decided to eat lunch and then go as lunch was ending. I didn't want to spend my whole lunch period speaking with counselors who would go on and on about how different the United States is. I looked around to see where the other students were heading and followed them. A crowd of girls a few feet in front me of caught my attention, as they were looking back at me and whispering.

"He's cute. Do you think he's single?"

"New kid."

"Ooh, girl. He probably is. Go get you some!"

They started to giggle and shove each other toward me, and I could feel my face getting hot. I didn't like attention, and the last thing I thought to describe myself as would be attractive. Besides, I had no interest in those girls. I just kept walking, avoiding eye contact with anyone. I glanced around from time to time to see if I could find Alfred, until I finally reached the cafeteria. I scanned the tables for Alfred, until I finally spotted him. He was now wearing a jacket, some sort of brown bomber jacket, so he was harder to spot. I felt horrible because I was looking at everyone's arms to find him.

I made my way over to him and sat down. Alfred looked over at me in surprise, and I merely grinned back at him.

"Why...are you sitting here?"

I could feel my smile fading. "Huh?"

"Nobody ever sits with me…" He stared down at the table in front of him, and I looked around. Sure enough, people were sitting everywhere except the table Alfred and I were at. The people at the table behind us were sitting on the other side, the side away from Alfred. I realized we were sitting in the corner because Alfred didn't want that happening on all sides of where he sat.

"I just am. We're friends, right? Kind of?"

Alfred looked at me in surprise. His mouth hung open, as if he really didn't know what to say. Finally, he mumbled something I could barely hear.

"I guess."

Well, that was a good first step. I was determined to become friends with Alfred and learn his backstory. I started to take out my bento box and unwrap it, until Alfred said something.

"What is that?"

"A bento box. Lunches in Japan."

Alfred studied it carefully. His face was quite adorable like that. He shifted mouth to the side as if he were in deep thought, then looked at my chopsticks.

"Chopsticks? You really do eat with those?"

"Yes. Speaking of eating, where is your lunch?"

Alfred sighed heavily and pulled out a brown paper bag from his backpack. I noticed a neon orange sticky note attached. Alfred noticed it too and read it carefully, then turned an adorable shade of pink.

"What does it say?"

He slid the note over to me and buried his face in his hands. I picked it up, curious.

_'Bonjour, my little Alfred! Have a wonderful day at school! With love, Papa and Daddy.'_

Did Alfred have two fathers? I glanced over at him, and he immediately answered my thoughts.

"Yeah, I have two dads. Does that bother you?"

"No, I don't have problems with gay people at all. How could I hate myself?"

Oh, fuck.

It slipped out.

I didn't mean for it to slip out.

Alfred looked over at me in surprise. I turned away from him, shocked that I had just told him that even though I only knew him for a few hours. I didn't normally tell anyone in fear of what they might say to me.

"You're gay?"

I nodded slowly, turning toward him. Alfred pulled a sandwich out of his paper bag.

"Cool. Me too."


	3. Lunchtime

I was unable to form any words. Alfred just unwrapped his sandwich and started to eat it, as if he had made a comment about the weather. I finally managed to say something.

"Does...Matthew know?"

Alfred looked up and pondered this for a second. "Nope." He continued eating.

"Would he...care?"

"Nope."

"Why haven't you told him?"

Alfred stared down at his sandwich, then shrugged his shoulders. I guess he had his reasons.

"Is Matthew gay?"

Alfred chuckled. "Why, do you like him?" His voice started to crack, and he looked away.

I let out a nervous laugh. "No...I don't. He's not my type."

I could have sworn I saw Alfred jolt upon hearing that. For a moment, a silence hung in the air, until he spoke up.

"Like...in looks? Or…"

I thought about this. I really didn't have an attraction towards Matt after speaking about ten words to him. I could tell he wasn't really my type. Then I realized why.

"We're too similar. He's too reserved, like me. I like people who are more...the opposite."

I watched a tiny smile pull at the corner of Alfred's lips. I could usually read the atmosphere quite well, but I didn't really know what that smile meant.

"Okay."

Alfred continued to eat, and I pulled my chopsticks apart. In the silence, I could hear the kids behind us whispering.

"Alfred Jones is gay? Since when?"

"Girls don't like him, so he thinks boys will."

"Shit, ain't nobody gonna like that. Looks like a fuckin' nuclear blast hit him."

I slowly shifted my eyes over to see Alfred's reaction. He was hunched over, almost like he was trying to drown out their words by simply keeping his head down. I watched as something fell from his face, and I heard a noise escape his throat. I looked down at the table to see a drop of water hovering on the plastic surface.

Alfred was crying.

I wasn't really one for confrontation, but I really wanted to say something to those kids. Instead, I went for the comfort route, and slowly reached out my hand to touch Alfred's back. I didn't really like to touch other people, and I certainly wasn't the best at expressing my emotions, but I wanted to make Alfred realize that someone wasn't being a complete asshole to him. As soon as my fingers reached the fabric of his jacket, I noticed something was off. The jacket Alfred was wearing seemed quite thick, and he had a gray t-shirt on underneath. But I felt something unusual. Regardless of this, I started to rub my hand up and down, and asked him he was okay.

Alfred simply kept his head down, and told me he was alright. I drew my hand away, but something wasn't right. I felt a sort of bumpy texture underneath his jacket. What was on his back?

"Oh my God, he fucking touched him! Guys, that kid touched Jones!"

The lunchroom exploded into a chorus of voices that were even louder than before. I didn't even pay attention to anything that was being said, but rather focused on Alfred. He had taken his glasses off, and was wiping his eyes on his jacket sleeve and sobbing uncontrollably.

I realized we had to get out of there. I packed up my bento and grabbed his lunch. Then, taking Alfred's hand, I pulled him away from the cacophony of laughter and through the double doors leading outside. I didn't let go of his hand until we reached the middle of the courtyard, and I handed him his lunch.

Alfred sniffled and took it from me, giving me a half-hearted smile.

"Thank you, but...that happens like, every day. You didn't have to. I'm used to it."

I frowned. "If you're crying, you're not used to it."

"No, I'm used to crying every day, too."

I guess I looked too sympathetic, because Alfred took one look at my face and groaned. "Don't pity me. I seem like a total loser right now."

"No, they seem like losers. Not you. You wanna eat out here? Less people."

Alfred grinned. "Sure."

We sat down next to some sort of statue of a man. I read the plaque carefully. _'Julius Vargas: the founder of our wonderful school.'_

"Vargas...this says Vargas. I met a kid with the last name Vargas."

Alfred nodded. "Those Italian brothers. They're his grandkids or something."

"That reminds me. Feliciano, the one in the library. He said he tries to say hi to you sometimes, and for me to tell you that. So...hi from Feliciano Vargas."

Alfred smiled nonchalantly. "Oh, really? Hm. I think I remember him talking to me once. He asked me why I wore glasses if I only had one eye. I figured he was just being a dick, so I didn't answer."

I shook my head. "No, he's quite nice. He and his boyfriend."

Alfred cocked an eyebrow. I noticed that even though he had no right eye, the scar stopped along his brow bone, so both of his eyebrows were still intact. "Boyfriend?"

"Yes, Ludwig was his name. Blond, tall. Muscular. Blue eyes."

Alfred nudged me in the ribs with his elbow. "You sound lovestruck. That the type of guy you like? Blond, tall, blue eyes? Do you...like that?"

Back in Japan, I only had Asian men to find attractive. But now I had a whole new selection. I pictured a blond-haired man with blue eyes, muscular frame, staring into those blue irises as he kissed me…

"Yes."

Alfred had a little grin yet again. He quickly bit into his sandwich to hide it. I decided to ask him about something I was now curious to know the answer to.

"So...why do you wear glasses?"

Alfred shrugged. "Same reason everyone else does. Bad vision. Only got one eye for mine, though. The one on the fucked up side is just glass."

"Well, don't call it the 'fucked up side'. None of you is fucked up. The only thing really fucked up is the things people say to you just because you look a little different."

Alfred looked over at me in shock, but I just unwrapped my bento. This time, it was my turn to act like what I said was merely a comment about the weather.

X

As I looked down at my watch and saw that it was 12:05, nearly time for lunch to end, I packed up my lunch and said goodbye to Alfred, who said he'd see me in fourth period. I started to walk down the corridor of the school, still pondering what the counselor's wanted from me. I figured it was protocol for all the new students. Still, what were they going to tell me that I hadn't already learned?

As I opened the door to the front office, the first thing I saw was a boy with snowy colored hair facing a man with dark brown hair and glasses. They were arguing over something, it seemed. I needed to get around them, but seeing how I'm not the loudest guy in the world, they didn't really hear me.

"Excuse...me. I...excuse me? I need to...if you could…"

My voice was drowned out by the boy with white hair.

"I'm eighteen, though. She could date me, right? Even if I'm just a student. I mean, why would she want you?"

The man with dark brown hair sighed. "Gilbert, I've told you this too many times now. Miss Hedervary and I are indeed dating. You are a student with a little crush."

"Bullshit! She likes me back, and I know it. I'll prove it to you."

He turned around to leave, so of course he ran right into me. I tensed up upon feeling the close contact, but the boy immediately backed away.

"Oh, shit. Sorry."

I could see that his eyes held a reddish tint to them, and his skin was nearly as white as his hair. Was this an albino? We didn't really have them in Japan.

"It is...oka-"

"Whoa. I've never seen him before. You're Asian. We don't have many of those guys. Hey, Mr. Edelstein, is he the new kid?"

Did everyone really know each other that well to where my arrival was noticed by anyone who saw me? I sighed and looked at the man with dark brown hair, who I noticed also had a small mole of some sort near his mouth, and nodded. The man, Mr. Edelstein I presumed, nodded back curtly, and waved a hand gesturing for me to follow him.

I quickly did so, and I could hear Gilbert running out the door and slamming it shut behind us. I winced upon hearing it, but Mr. Edelstein kept on walking as if that happened all the time. We reached a small room within the office, one that smelled of fresh paint and candy, and Mr. Edelstein offered me a seat.

"So, Kiku," he began as he sat down and shuffled some papers. "You are joining us from Japan, is that right?"

"Yes."

"So, how is your English? Are you understanding everything?"

There it was. There was the question.

"Yes, I can speak English perfectly well. Is that all you had to ask me?"

Mr. Edelstein looked slightly amazed at my English skills, but then shook his head. "No, I have a few more questions. Are you finding your classes alright?"

"Yes. The Jones...and Williams brothers. They helped me."

Mr. Edelstein raised an eyebrow. "You accepted help from Alfred?"

I nodded, trying to seem as brave about answering this as possible. I wanted to show people that I wasn't afraid of Alfred, and that he deserved to be seen in a better light.

Mr. Edelstein's expression softened. "Good. Now, do you have any allergies? I think you answered this on your form...but…"

"No."

"How do you plan to pay for food?"

This went on and on for about five minutes, answering questions I know I already answered, until I heard the bell ring for me to go to third. Mr. Edelstein stood up and shook my hand, dismissing me, and I looked down at my schedule. Mr. Edelstein stepped around the table and peered at my paper.

"106 is down the hall, around the corner here."

I thanked him, and made my way down to where he had mentioned. I had Matthew in this class. I smiled to myself. I had Alfred in two classes AND my lunch, Matthew in one, and Feliciano and Ludwig in another. It seemed like I would have a nice time at school with those people around me every day.

As I walked into the classroom, I looked around for Matthew. He had his backpack in the chair next to him, and when he saw me, moved it and patted the desk. I walked over and sat down, and Matthew immediately started speaking.

"How's your first day, eh? Going good?"

"Yes. I have two classes and lunch with your brother. A couple of kids were picking on him, so I decided we should just eat our lunch together outside from now on." I didn't have the heart to tell Matthew it was more than a few kids that were shouting at Alfred, but Matthew didn't even notice that part.

"Al has a friend. That's good…" His voice trailed off as he moved his backpack onto the floor beside him.

"Does he not have many?"

Matthew sighed. "Apparently he used to. Before the whole...accident. I didn't know him before then, though. Seen pictures."

I cocked my head, and Matthew sighed.

"I only became his brother after the accident that messed up his whole body. But he had friends before all that, at his old school. His dad married my dad about...five years ago? Yeah, I think we were eleven or so. Anyway, I just remember that nobody would go near him at the wedding, not even the adults. They were just kinda freaked out by him, so he sat in the corner eating cake. I knew this was my new brother, and my Papa told me to go over there and talk to him. So I did, and we've been best friends since."

I smiled. So Alfred always had Matthew there for him. I looked at the clock, and saw that we still had another minute before class started. I decided to ask a few more things.

"You have two dads, huh?"

Matthew nodded. "Mhm. We call mine Papa, because he's French. He's from France, but I'm from Canada. So when my parents died...let's see, I was like a month old I think...but yeah, when they died, Papa immediately adopted me. And then we moved to Quebec. Alfred's parents...his mom was the one with the last name Jones. Our dad's last name is Kirkland, but they never got married. Alfred was out of wedlock. They still never married...Dad hasn't told me why. Anyway, yeah, Alfred's last name is Jones. Mine is Williams, even though that's not Papa's, because it was my mom and dad's."

I tried as best as I could to remember Matthew's little ramble, but I must have looked confused. Matthew noticed my expression and laughed.

"I'm sorry, the story of our last names is really odd. I guess I could explain it more one day."

I nodded. I still had one question on my mind, though. "So, what happened to Alfred?"

Matthew opened his mouth, as if to say something, but the bell rang. Our teacher walked in, and the classroom went silent. Matthew gave me a little nod of apology, then focused on the teacher. I did the same, but I couldn't help but wonder about a few things.

_What happened to Alfred's mom? What happened to Alfred?_

Those were the questions I was determined to know the answer to.

**You're gonna find out in the chapters to come. Along with some other things. Ooh. Anyway, review. If you want to. I mean, us FF writers write these things for feedback. Otherwise there would be no point. But I don't tell y'all what to do. **


	4. Gym Class

My final class was gym. And I am not athletic at all. I'm just a scrawny, Asian boy. So I could tell I wasn't going to do too well. The gym was by the cafeteria, and I found it after some difficulties. I talked to the coach, Mr. Oxenstierna, and he handed me a short-sleeved shirt.

"Go get dressed. Locker room. Bring your own shirt tomorrow."

He pointed the corner of the gymnasium. I quickly rushed over and ducked inside, hoping to remain under the radar. I really didn't want to stick out, especially in gym class. The boy's locker room smelled of sweat and too much cologne, and it made me want to gag. Didn't these teenage boys know that some deodorant would suffice?

It wasn't that hard to find Alfred, seeing how small the room was. He was against the corner, trying to hide from everyone else. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a t-shirt, then look a deep breath. Alfred was about to pull his shirt over his head when I approached him.

"Hello, Alfred."

He gasped, not noticing me, then sighed. "I didn't see you there, Kiku."

"Oh. Well, uh...do you know what we have to do in gym?"

Alfred looked around at the other boys, who were all watching us. "I think we have to run today. Around the track."

I heard a few people snickering, but I paid them no mind. "Oh. Shit. I hate running."

Alfred chuckled. "Hearing you cuss is kinda weird."

I laughed and pulled my shirt over my head. I'm a little sensitive about my body. I don't like people looking at me without a shirt on, and I most certainly don't feel comfortable around men without their shirts on. Because...well, you know. And anyway, I have a really small frame. It makes women envious, or so I'm told.

I quickly put the t-shirt Mr. Oxenstierna gave me on, and tried to be as quick as possible about it. But I guess I wasn't quick enough, because I heard someone shout behind me.

"Hey, girls can't be in here!"

I couldn't tell if he was kidding or serious. But I slowly turned around to face the voice. It was a boy around my age, pointing a finger right at me. I merely stared at him, hoping that my face would be enough to show him that I was indeed male.

However, it wasn't. I am also cursed with having a "pretty" face for a boy, with baby-like features and a round-shaped jaw. So that stupid finger didn't lower. This boy just kept pointing at me, speechless that a woman might be in his presence.

"I'm a boy," I said curtly, and leaned down to pack up my shirt. I was going to ignore everything, until someone else started yelling.

"Trannies aren't allowed! If you were born a girl, go in there with them."

I was going to explain to him that I was not a girl, in any way, but then I found myself smiling. "Why, do you not like women? You only want to see men get naked in front of you?"

I have never seen someone turn so red in my life.

I figured I had taught him a lesson, until one boy looked at Alfred. "He's gay, though. He shouldn't be allowed in here. He's probably looking at us all weird."

"How can he look when he only has one eye? I guess he is looking at us 'weird' then," another boy cackled.

I turned around and saw that Alfred had already changed his shirt, and was walking past me to get to the door. I followed after him.

"Whoa, get out of the way! Gay cyclops and girlboy are coming to rape us!"

Everyone backed away from Alfred, and he swung the door open with such a force I feared it would be ripped from its hinges. I didn't really know what to say to Alfred, so I grabbed the back of his shirt. That's when I felt it again. There was something ragged and sticking out in various places underneath his shirt. Alfred quickly turned around and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a sigh. "I feel really bad that your first day is awful thanks to me-"

But he didn't get to finish, because Gilbert came crashing through the door.

"Ayeee! Sorry I'm late, coach. I just got one of these." He tossed a can of soda up in the air, then stopped with a frown. "That probably wasn't a good idea. Now if I open it, it'll spray all over. Oh, wait!"

Gilbert came jogging over to me. He offered me the can and smiled.

"Thanks, Gilbert, but I don't drink soda, and if this is a prank, it's pretty obvi-"

"No, no!" he said. "I'm gonna open my mouth, and you open the can in front of it. Then it will spray into my mouth like a fountain! Cool, huh?"

Alfred started to laugh. "It's cool. Go ahead, man."

Gilbert eyed Alfred. "Who is this? Oh yeah, and who are you? If you're gonna spray soda in my mouth then I outta know, right?"

Alfred placed a hand on my shoulder and pulled me into him. A common thing for Western people to do, but it made me nervous. "This is Kiku, and I'm Alfred."

"Cool. Kiku, open the soda." Gilbert shut his eyes tightly and opened his mouth. I wasn't going to open it, because I knew that it wouldn't work. But I didn't want to disappoint Gilbert for some reason.

I didn't have to decide what I was going to do, because Mr. Oxenstierna came over and took the can from me.

"That's so stupid. Gilbert, get dressed. You two. Floor. Warm-ups."

We all did as we were told, and made our way over to the gym floor. Other students were already there, and some were just coming out of the locker room. Alfred and I sat next to each other and started to stretch. I was never the best at anything sports related, so I was going to have a horrible time in here. Everyone already thought I was a "tranny" now. Great first day.

After stretching, we headed outside to run around the track. It was quite a sunny day, but this did not match my mood. I was upset that I had to run, considering how horrible I was at it. I looked over at Alfred, who was actually quite well-built. He had a large frame, but all of his bulk was in his shoulders. Everything about him was very muscular, carved, and well-shaped. He was much more handsome than he probably thought. To be honest, I hardly noticed his scars.

Mr. Oxenstierna blew his whistle, and everyone started to run. I immediately felt embarrassed upon seeing the girls running ahead of me. Alfred noticed I wasn't running very fast, so he slowed down to match my pace. I could hear Gilbert on the other side of the track, screaming about how well he was doing.

"Are you okay? Can you not run very well?"

I shook my head. I couldn't breathe. We had only ran for a minute and I couldn't even speak. God, this was embarrassing. I stopped for a minute to catch my breath, then kept running. Alfred looked quite worried, but he didn't say anything.

By the time we finished the first lap, I felt like my chest was on fire. It was a sensation similar to drowning, like I couldn't breathe no matter how much I wanted to. Alfred took note of this, and pulled the coach over to us.

"He can't breathe. Please, let him sit out."

Mr. Oxenstierna shook his head. "If he wants an A, he has to run."

I didn't want to get marked down on my first day, so I kept going. Alfred followed slowly behind me. I felt like a darkness was swallowing me on both sides, and I couldn't see where I was going. My body started to sway from side to side, and my legs turned weak. Little stars and bubbles started to appear in front of my eyes, and I felt my knees give out.

"Kiku!"

Then everything went dark.

X

I woke up to Ludwig, Gilbert, Feliciano, Matthew, and Alfred standing around me. I had an ice pack on my forehead, and a nurse was writing something down on a notepad. My vision was a tad bit blurry, but everything came into focus soon enough.

Feliciano was the first one to grab me. "Kiku! Are you alright? We heard that you fainted!"

"Yeah...I guess…"

The nurse pushed Feliciano away from me. "Please don't get near him. Give him some space."

The five of them took a baby step away.

Ludwig jingled his keys. "Well, you can ride home with me and my brother, if you'd like. Feliciano and Lovino come with us, though."

Gilbert grabbed Ludwig and started to mess up his gelled-back hair. "That's right! Kiku, this is my little brother!"

So Gilbert and Ludwig were brothers. "Yes, I know him. Library class."

The nurse placed a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay to go home? We called your father and he said he would be working very late. Do you need to go home with someone else so they can take care of you? This young man called in his brother, and so did Alfred. You can go home with either one, if you'd like."

So Gilbert and Alfred decided to help me? It made my heart swell thinking about how many people started to care about me after one day. Still, I wasn't sure if I needed to go home with anyone. I was used to my dad working late and leaving me alone. I missed the days where he would read to me about rabbits on the moon...when I was a little boy and he still cared about me. Now he got transferred to the United States, and I had even less time to spend with him.

"Uh, well-"

The door swung open to reveal Lovino. "Go home with burn victim and his brother. Don't come over to my house so you can watch this stupid potato-lover and my little brother make out."

Ludwig looked nervous, then said, "We don't do that…"

Lovino scoffed. "I'll be out in the car."

I looked over at Matthew and Alfred, sighing and shrugging my shoulders. "I guess I'll go home with them," I said to the nurse.

Matthew offered me a hand, and both he and Alfred helped me down from the bed. We said our goodbyes to everyone, and headed out towards the parking lot. Alfred kept asking me over and over if I was okay, and described how scared he was when I fell. Apparently, he and Gilbert had carried me to the nurses office by themselves.

When we reached Matthew's car, he cleared a few things out from the back seat for me. His car wasn't the worst one I had ever seen, but it wasn't the cleanest. There were magazines, school papers, and various empty wrappers all over the floorboard. Matthew looked at the mess and sighed.

"Alfred and I share this car. I know, it bothers me too."

Alfred strapped himself in and stuck his tongue out at his brother. He immediately reached into his backpack and pulled out a little bag of junk food. Matthew rolled his eyes and pulled out of the parking lot. He seemed to be a fairly good driver, and just a reserved and mature person in general. How ironic, since he had the more unruly hair of the two.

"So, Kiku. Where do you live?" Matt asked me.

"About ten minutes that way." I pointed to the road that went left out of the school. "My father and I have an apartment there."

Alfred choked on his food. "_Those_ apartments? Damn, those are expensive."

"Well, my dad is a businessman. He takes his money quite seriously, so we have some to spare."

"Alfred, don't talk about money with people. It's rude. So, uh, Kiku. How was your first day? Sorry you have to come over to the house of some people you just met, eh."

"No, it's fine. I don't mind. I'd rather go home with you than to an empty room. We still don't have all the boxes delivered from China yet."

"China?" Alfred gasped. "But you're from Japan."

"Well, my dad is Chinese. He lived with me in Japan after he adopted me. Then, when I was about fifteen, we moved to his hometown in China. After that, we moved here."

Matthew looked at me in the rearview mirror. "You were adopted by a single dad, too? You never told me."

"Oh...I didn't...think to say it, I guess."

But the truth was, I did. I just didn't like talking about it, because then the inevitable question always came up.

"What happened to your parents?" Alfred asked.

There it was. It made my skin crawl. I didn't want to remember that day for the rest of my life. I tried as hard as I could to suppress it, but certain things always took me back to that day. I shuddered and looked out the window. It was starting to rain.

"Y-you don't have to tell me. It's okay. I don't like talking about how I lost my mom, either."

I looked in the mirror to see Matthew shoot Alfred a look of sympathy. He pulled up to some sort of fast food restaurant's speaker, and it started to rain even harder.

"Kiku, do you want anything? Al, I know you want burgers. Kiku?"

But all I could hear was the rain on the roof of the car, and it took me back to that night. The night that I lost my parents, and the night that traumatized me forever.

**Oh, boy. As always, review if you feel like it. **


	5. Our Home

**To the "Random Guest" who left that long-ass review: holy. shit. Man, I couldn't stop grinning. I was so happy. That's the best review I've ever gotten. Thank you SO much. Loss for words right now. And to answer your question, I'm actually an artist. I draw cartoons for a living. I think I took a Sociology class back in high school, though. I illustrate children's books, which is why Arthur had that occupation in "Through the Eyes of a Child". That's as far as it goes when putting myself into my fics, haha.**

**To anyone else who leaves reviews on any of my fics, I read every single one! It makes me so happy to see one, no matter how lengthy it is. (Though most writers like longer reviews, just sayin'.) I never try to make people feel like they HAVE to review, but I like 'em. Anyway, moving on.**

_Hey, get the kid out of there!_

_Is he alive? Can you hear me?_

_Bodies of the parents are too mangled to be identified._

_Oh, God. Is the kid alive in there? Holy shit._

_Requesting backup...parents are deceased...child may or may not be alive…_

"Kiku?"

I woke up with a start. I never intended to fall asleep, but I suppose I did. The last thing I remembered was getting a sack of food handed to me in a paper bag, and Alfred telling me that they lived about fifteen minutes away.

"Sorry...I fell asleep."

Matthew laughed. "It's okay. We're here, though. You can sleep once we get inside."

I grabbed my food and climbed out of the car, still slightly groggy. I watched as Alfred rushed around the side of the car to help me. He grabbed my elbow, trying to guide me into the house. He really was such a kind person, and people would see that if they would only give him a few hours. After all, that's how long I had known him. It was only the afternoon and these two brothers were probably the closest things I had to friends.

As I walked in, I immediately noticed the slight scent of roses, plus the aroma of something cooking. Alfred's house was very decadent, with polished wood and intricately carved interior wood. The vases and sculptures littering the house looked like they belonged in a museum, and I saw three bookcases from looking around for only a few seconds. I think I saw a giant flat screen television as well.

Alfred guided me over to a polished, marble counter. I saw two men standing in the kitchen, both with aprons on. Both blonde, too, only one had hair more like Alfred's and one had Matthew's hair, but tied into a ponytail. Alfred coughed, and the one with longer hair turned around.

"Dad, Papa, this is Kiku. He's a friend from school."

The one with the shorter hair washed off something in the sink, then turned to face me. He had the biggest eyebrows I had ever seen. The other father had quite a handsome face that looked free of any crazy facial hair, although he had a little bit of a beard on his chin.

"Hello, bonjour!" The one with longer hair threw his arms up in the air. "I am Alfred and Matthew's papa! And this little sour man you see here is their dad." Right on cue, Sour Dad growled at the comment and rolled his eyes.

"You can call us Arthur and Francis, if you want. Or Mr. Kirkland and Mr. Bonnefoy. I'm Arthur, and he's Francis," said the father with the shorter hair and strangely large brows.

Francis nodded and added, "Why is your little friend here, huh? And is that fast food I see? Alfred, mon dieu, we were going to make dinner!"

"Dinner isn't until six. And he's here because his dad wasn't going to be home. He just moved here and doesn't know many people yet, so he didn't really have anywhere to stay. He also took a nasty fall at school when he fainted, so I figured we should just take him home with us."

Arthur stared straight at me. "Are you two friends?"

I smiled and nodded, and Arthur's face lit up. "Well, good. Kiku, was it? Kiku, if you come into the living room, I'll see if there's anything I can do about your fainting spell."

"He has 'magical medicine' or something," Francis scoffed. Arthur shot him a death glare.

I paced around nervously, unsure of where to go. Arthur gestured for me to walk straight, so I went straight and into the living room. I stood there awkwardly, until Arthur pointed to the couch, and I sat down. He soon came around the couch and sat on the one adjacent to me, and looked at me with some concern.

"When did you faint? Like, what were you doing? You know what, just tell me what happened."

And so I did, from the beginning to the end. Arthur nodded or 'mhmm'ed from time to time as I told my story carefully, not leaving anything out. Finally, Arthur sat back and sighed.

"Sounds like you're not too good with endurance, huh? Well, you could get training to build up your stamina. Ask someone to help you with that. That coach should let you sit down. I've had my problems with him in the past. He never lets Alfred change in the bathroom before class. Says 'dressing out in the locker room is essential to a boy's gym class'. Bull...that's such bull. Alfred is so sensitive about his body...well, anyway, can you roll up your pant legs? I think you could have scraped your knees if you fell on the pavement."

I did as I was told, and sure enough, there were scrapes on both of my knees. One wasn't too bad, but the other was bleeding slightly.

"I knew it. I'll go get my medical supplies. I'll be right back." Arthur dashed into a room down the hall, then turned on the light. From what I could see, it looked like he was rummaging through the cabinets in the bathroom. He took a box down from a shelf, then turned the lights back off and jogged out into the living room once more.

"Okay, first we need to clean it."

I braced myself for the stinging sensation of whatever my father used on my cuts, but nothing happened. Instead, Arthur unscrewed the cap on a bottle of herbs, and started to sprinkle them over my knee.

"Wha…"

Arthur noticed my confusion and laughed. "It's an ancient medicine that fairies used! Don't worry, it works."

Oh, great. Alfred's father was nuts.

"I used it on Alfred. Well, I still do. What happened to him...it was only a few years ago. Well, about five or so. He was only eleven years old."

This was my chance. I finally had the opportunity to ask what happened with Alfred.

"What...happened, exactly? If you don't mind me asking."

Arthur took out a small cloth and sprayed something on it, then began rubbing it on my knee in small circles. The herbs started to fizz up, but I didn't feel any pain. It actually felt quite relaxing, which was a surprise. Arthur then took a deep breath and grimaced.

"Well, it is kind of a touchy thing for him. Though I suppose you would want to know. My girlfriend, she was my girlfriend since I never married, had accidentally left a rag underneath the turkey when she put it in the oven for Thanksgiving dinner. It sent the whole house up in flames. I was just getting home from work, and all I saw was my house on fire. My girlfriend was standing in our yard, kinda frozen. I just remembered screaming at her, asking her what happened, when she started crying. Said that Alfred was still in there, and it was all her fault. She ran inside before I could stop her. By then the fire department had arrived, and I was so in shock that I couldn't even say or do anything."

He pulled the cloth away, and I noticed it looked as if I had never scraped up my leg in the first place. As Arthur packed up his supplies, he continued.

"Long story short, they pulled them both out. Girlfriend, Alfred's mom, died of smoke inhalation. Apparently some flames blew up in Alfred's face. His body was also lit on fire at some point. I work at the hospital, the one about twenty minutes away from here. We stayed there for about three months or so. They were kind enough to keep me there while I and a few others treated my son. While I was there, I met Francis. He was there for a doctor's exchange program, and he and I hit it off. Matthew would come in and visit Alfred from time to time, and they got along really well. They kind of look like biological siblings, don't you think? Anyway, we got married, and Francis bought us a house over here. Not too far away from the cemetery where my girlfriend is buried. Alfred likes to go there sometimes."

He stood up, and I did the same. I finally knew what happened to Alfred. He was burned in a fire where he lost his mother...I wonder if people would still treat him like shit if they knew what happened to him. My heart ached for him. Alfred was such a compassionate and caring person, and people really needed to know his story.

"So, Kiku. Do you have any siblings?"

That was quite the transition. Nevertheless, I answered. "No, I don't."

"Only child, huh? Well, I was just wondering. You're all taken care of. Alfred and Matthew should be upstairs."

I thanked Arthur and went over to the stairs. Francis called out to me as I went up.

"We are having a very nice meal for dinner, Kiku. I hope Arthur told you I am an excellent chef! He's not. Not at all."

I could faintly hear Arthur yelling something along the lines of "oh, fuck you" before I reached the doors at the top of the stairs.

I wasn't sure which door was Alfred or Matthew's, until I saw one that was slightly cracked open. I pushed the door open ever so slightly and peered inside, unsure of what was behind it.

It was Alfred's room, and he was changing clothes. His back was turned, and he was shuffling around in his drawers for a shirt, since he only had the gym one. Matthew was sitting on the edge of the bed and reading a comic book. The room was quite messy, and had clothes and books scattered everywhere. It somewhat resembled the floorboard of their car.

"Matt, what will he say if he ever sees _this?_" Alfred pointed to his back, and that's when I looked.

Alfred's back was a reddish-brown. Skin stuck out in various places, and his whole back was decorated in holes. Some were larger than others, but they were all surrounded by a ring of white. His back looked like a wrinkled, wet piece of paper. The area near his middle looked almost like a mountain, with little jagged bumps all gathered together. However, it did not seem ugly to me. He was just different. I was not disgusted, nor was I scared. It was honestly just a burn to me. Alfred was still Alfred. He was still extremely handsome, with a lovely build and a warm personality once you knew him for more than a minute. He hid away because people were scared of him. They were scared of what they didn't know.

"I would say it's not a big deal."

Hearing my voice so suddenly made both of them jump, and Alfred quickly turned around. His stomach looked almost the same, though it lacked the jagged texture. The burn was also on his abdomen, but not around his chest area. It started back up again on his arms and neck, then traveled up to the area around his right eye.

"Ki...Kiku," Alfred stuttered.

"Alfred, I honestly don't think you know me. So I will tell you this for the last time: _I do not care._ I honestly don't care what you look like. I like you for you, Alfred. And to be honest, you are not…unattractive. At all. In fact, you're so handsome I can hardly stand it. So please, don't think that I care like everyone else. About your burns, that is."

The room was completely silent, until Matt whistled. "I'm...gonna go to my room now." I stepped aside and let him leave, shutting the door behind him. It was just Alfred and I now.

"Kiku...what do you mean?"

"I'm saying I don't care about your burns!"

"No...I mean, you...said...you liked me. You called me handsome...you said you couldn't stand it. I…"

I didn't really mean to say those things. I meant them, yes, but I didn't want Alfred to know how I really felt. The truth is, I had started to develop a crush on him. Alfred made a great friend, yes, but...he was so unbelievably handsome. He cared about me so much that he and Gilbert carried me halfway across campus to make sure I was okay, even though he barely knew me. I was never one to rush into love too fast, or express my feelings. It just slipped out. But how did Alfred feel? I didn't want to rush into a relationship with someone I had just met on the first day of school. But then again...I knew his backstory, and I knew his family. He and his brother had given me a ride home, and now I was at their house. All in about ten hours? I might have had another fainting spell just thinking about it.

"I did, yes. You're a great friend, Alfred. We became friends in the course of a day, and you've shown me how kind you really are."

Alfred's eyes saddened. "Yeah...I try to be a good..._friend_. To those who will let me...be their _friend_."

Was he really implying what I think he was? There was only one way to find out.

"Alfred...what do you think of me?"

Alfred stared down at the floor for a moment. "I...I don't want to...I mean, I just met you, I'm not sure…"

I took a step closer to him. "Alfred, you can tell me. It's okay."

His face was flushed, and he sat down on the bed. He still hadn't put a shirt on, so I walked over to the other side of the bed and started looking through the drawer.

"Kiku, I...just...I don't want to ruin the friendship...the one that I've gotten in five years, okay? Can I tell you some other time, please?"

I sighed and pulled out a blue Captain America shirt, then tossed it onto the bed.

"Alfred, if you're implying that you like me, it's okay. You can tell me. I think I made my feelings to you pretty obvious. I do think that you're handsome. I do think that you're a very sweet boy. Who wouldn't have a crush on you? I mean…"

I didn't realize what I was saying. As soon as I did, I became nervous. The words were no longer coming easy to me. Alfred stared at me in shock, gripping the bed sheets and stuttering.

"I...I mean, I...do like you," Alfred finally said.

There it was. Everything was out in the open. My stomach dropped, but I felt a sort of tingling all over my body, as I were anticipating something huge. This boy, Alfred Jones, liked me.

And I liked him as well.

**Awkward teenage boys. Aw. Also, Japan's little flashback at the beginning would have been in Japanese. How would you understand it, though? Unless you speak the language. (I don't.)**


	6. Dinner

**For those of you who don't live in the United States or don't know, we just had something horrible happen. For those of you who do (or live in countries talking about it)...you know. I don't want to get political, but I'll just say this: In this situation, my heart goes out to Michael Brown's mother. And that's all I'm going to say.**

**Anyway, I was busy worrying about that, so I didn't exactly finish this chapter until later. My apologies.**

Both Alfred and I were at a loss for words. We sat there, the silence feeling thick and heavy as we stared awkwardly at one another. I had never been in this situation before, and if nobody talked to Alfred since he was a kid, I don't think he had either. After a while, Alfred pulled the bags of food over to him, then patted his bed.

Alfred started pulling the shirt I had gotten for him over his head. I stuttered for a moment, trying to find something to say, but ended up sitting on the bed anyway. Alfred pulled out a small container of fries and handed them to me. I took them wordlessly, and the silence felt heavier than ever before. After taking out his burger and unwrapping it, Alfred finally broke the silence.

"This is the second time today we've eaten together."

"Yes."

"And then we'll go eat dinner together."

"Mhm."

Alfred couldn't think of anything else to say, so he just took a bite of his hamburger. I ate a few of the fries, and noticed how greasy they were in comparison with the Japanese ones.

"Too...too bad we didn't have breakfast togeth-er!"

Alfred's voice cracked horribly, and his face immediately turned red. He felt just as nervous as I did, so I decided to let out a small laugh and lighten the atmosphere.

"That was cute," I told him.

The flush across his voice blossomed, and he looked away.

"T-t-thanks. But I didn't...mean for it to happen, heh."

We continued eating in silence. It still felt terribly awkward, and we didn't know how to bring up what we had just said to each other. Suddenly, the door creaked open, and Matthew walked in.

"Hey...everything alright?"

I think we both nodded a little too quickly, but Matthew didn't seem to notice.

"Good. Well, we can play some games if you want. Al's got the new XBox." He gestured to the corner of the room, where several video game disks were scattered about on the floor. Alfred and I were both thankful for the change in conversation, so we hopped off the bed and went over to play the XBox. I flipped a few of the games over, examining the titles. Everything Alfred had was about shooting or cars. Not really my kind of games.

"Anything you wanna play, Kiku?" Matthew asked.

I couldn't find anything I wanted to play. What were these games? All I saw were women with giant boobs and guns.

"No."

Alfred looked uncomfortable as he shifted through a few disks in his hand. He pulled out one, and put it in the machine.

"Al...did you put in GTA again? I know you like it, but Kiku might not. Japanese people aren't into those games."

"No, no. We have GTA in Japan…"

Alfred got up and walked over to the closet next to us. He pulled out three bean bag chairs. I had never actually sat on one before, and I tried my best to hide my excitement.

"Kiku, do you want...Iron Man? Or...Thor?"

What the hell.

"I don't know what those are. Are they superheroes?"

Alfred's jaw dropped. He tossed both of the bags over to Matthew and I, and the red one hit Matthew in the face. He muttered something to himself as he leaned over and started to grab the controllers out of a little basket.

"Yes! The Avengers! I'm using the Captain America bean bag. Damn, I love Captain America. Hold on, I'll show you!"

The game started up, and Matt was selecting things from the screen to get us started. He rolled his eyes at Alfred, who thrust a book into my lap.

"What is thi-"

"It's an omnibus of Captain America! Hold on...let me…" He turned the page to a certain one and pointed at it. "There he is! Without his mask on. Isn't he cool?"

I stared at the picture. A man in red, white, and blue spandex, with blue eyes and golden-colored hair. He seemed to be extremely muscular, and smiled at the viewer. To be honest, I knew who Captain America was already. I had seen pictures of him before online. I looked at him, and then at Alfred.

"He looks like you," I said.

Alfred's one good eye lit up. It was adorable how someone's world could be made that fast. I could tell that Alfred really admired this man, this "Captain America". He did look a lot like him. They almost looked the exact same, minus the glasses and Alfred lacking an eye. They were certainly both handsome…

"R-really? I mean, I guess. But I wanna be a hero just like him...one day I will be…Hey, the shirt you got for me earlier is him! It's him with his shield, look."

I studied the shirt he was wearing, which was the hero in an action pose, with the words "Captain America" across the bottom. Alfred picked up the book off my lap, then tossed the black bean bag over at Matthew, hitting him in the face again.

"You get to be Thor, because you have hair like his."

Matthew scowled. "Every time."

X

We played GTA for a few hours, until Francis announced from downstairs that it was time for dinner. I wasn't really sure what type of food we would be having, but from the smells wafting upstairs, it smelled amazing. As we stood up to leave, Alfred stopped me. And possibly my heart, by holding me back like that. What did he want?

"Kiku...I noticed that you...you're still wearing that stupid gym shirt. Do you want something else? You can go get yours in your backpack, but the house is kinda warm and it was long-sleeved. You want one of my short-sleeved ones? Or you could wear...that."

I looked down at what I was wearing. A shirt with a cartoon bird, our school mascot, that said 'GYM IS FUN! PLAY SAFE!' Yes, I wanted a different shirt.

"Yes, I would like one of your shirts."

Alfred started to rummage through drawers, and Matthew told us to be quick as he left the room and headed downstairs.

"I have...some plain shirts. These are all huge...hold on, I'll find the smallest one I have." Alfred eventually pulled out a blue shirt with a guitar printed on it. The black guitar seemed to be faded and worn out, so Alfred probably wore the shirt a lot.

I pulled off my gym clothing as quickly as possible, and Alfred tossed the oversized guitar tee over. Once I had it on, it almost reached my knees. I'm quite tiny, and Alfred is...a giant.

"Haha! Aw, it's cute." Alfred started to laugh, then realized what he had said. He let out another chuckle, a nervous one, and scratched the back of his head.

I looked at Alfred's face. The way his tan skin practically glowed. The way the lights peeking through the blinds would hit his hair, and make it look like shining gold. His blue eye looked like a sparkling blue sea in the Caribbean, not just a plain grayish blue. Every single part of him was glowing and sparkling, even his smile. His smile could light up a whole room. The only part of him that wasn't sunny was his personality. Behind the shimmering exterior laid something cold, something sad. And I was determined to make him feel just as lovely as he looked.

"Thank you very much, Alfred. For lending me your hospitality, your shirt, and your friendship."

Alfred grinned sheepishly. "I gave you some paper in first period, too."

I smiled. He'd given me more than just a few pieces of paper.

"Alfred, Kiku! Dinner!" I could hear Matthew shout.

We both walked down the stairs, Alfred letting me go through the door and downstairs first. He told me this was 'in case I fell again', so he could catch me. I was slightly embarrassed about that. I must have looked ridiculous fainting in front of everyone on my first day. And if Alfred had to carry me...he must have felt how light I was. I tried to build muscle, but it never really worked. I didn't like that about myself, because my thinness would make people mistake me for a girl.

"Bonjour, boys. Sit, sit! Your first course is soupe à l'oignon française!" Francis ushered Alfred and I over to the dining room table.

I gave a confused look as I sat down next to Matthew, who whispered, "It's French onion soup."

I was more confused about having courses at a family meal. My dad just made everything at once and laid it out on the table. I wasn't used to courses. Nevertheless, I looked down at the bowl of dark soup in front of me. I thought that French onion soup was the kind with the bread and spices in it. Only one way to find out.

Once everyone was seated, we all took a spoonful of soup. I noticed some cheese was in it as well. As soon as I swallowed the soup, I noticed how warm and home-cooked it was. My dad makes homemade meals sometimes, but we mostly just order carry-out. But this food was so rich, so inviting. The whole atmosphere was inviting, and Francis looked up and smiled at me.

"Do you like it, Kiku? I made it. This guy certainly didn't." He pointed at Arthur, who swatted his hand away.

As I ate, I could feel Alfred look at me from time to time out of the corner of his eye. We talked a little bit about how I fainted, my first day of school, and how Francis and Arthur met. 'Like the world stopped turning for a moment', they said. Matthew and Alfred also talked about their first day, but Alfred left out lunchtime. After soup, we had a steak with some sort of sauce over it, and we even had dessert. It was lemon meringue pie in a little shot glass. Alfred's family really knew how to go all out when it came to dinner. Apparently, Francis used to be a chef before he was a doctor. How someone held two jobs like that I'll never know.

After dinner, we decided to watch a movie. Captain America, Alfred's favorite. Their television had surround sound, and had to be at least eighty inches. Which made me wonder why Alfred was so surprised to hear I lived in a nice apartment if he lived in a house like this.

The movie ended, and I glanced down at my phone. No calls, no texts from my dad. It was almost 8:30. He must have been working extremely late. He usually got home around two, so he could pick me up from school at three. Or at least, that's what he said the schedule would be. I excused myself to the other room to call him.

The phone rang a few times before he finally picked up.

_"Hello? Kiku?"_

"Yeah, Dad. How late are you going to be?"

_"Aiya...they are keeping me very late. It really is upsetting. I'm so sorry, Kiku, I-"_

"No, it's okay."

_"You went home with a friend, right?"_

"Yes. His name is Alfred. He and his brother, Matthew, they-"

_"Okay, okay. I don't want you going home to an empty house with no one there. I'm not going to be home until after one. So just...ask them if you can stay over. Beg them. If not, you have your key."_

I reached down and felt the key in my pocket. "Okay."

_"Alright. I have to go. Wǒ ài nǐ."_

"Yeah...I love you too-"

He had already hung up. I sighed and put my phone in my pocket, walking back into the living room. Well...this was going to be awkward. I couldn't decide who to go and ask, so I just announced it to all of them.

"My dad...is going to be working until about one in the morning. Is it possible...to stay here? I don't want to be any trouble."

Francis stood up and walked over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Of course! It's fine, Kiku. Though...hmm…" He turned to Arthur. "Has the new bed for the guest room arrived, by any chance? Maybe while I was at work…"

Arthur shook his head. "No, and we threw the other one out. Damn. Sorry, Kiku."

Francis looked at me and quickly added, "But that's no problem! You can stay here and sleep with either of the boys if you'd like. Or on the couch, whichever you'd prefer."

I looked at Alfred and Matthew. Matthew was paying no mind to the conversation, playing some game on his phone. Alfred, however, was looking right at me. His one blue eye was wide with some sort of emotion I couldn't quite place. His look was a mixture of begging and fear, so I decided to do what was best.

"I'll just...stay with Alfred for tonight."

**Wǒ ài nǐ means "I love you" in Chinese. The more you know.**


	7. Space

**THIS IS THE CHAPTER I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO WRITING. Okay, let's start!**

They lent me a toothbrush, and I decided I would take a shower in the morning. I didn't want to wear the same shirt I wore yesterday to school, so Arthur volunteered to look in the attic for some of Matthew's old clothes. After all, nobody else had clothes that would fit me because I'm so small. I really hated how they had to go above and beyond for me, but it made me feel at home with how hospitable everyone was. Alfred truly had a beautiful family.

Alfred and I did our homework, then played a few other games that he had. I noticed how all of them involved the women being sexy, and that piqued my curiosity.

"Alfred, if you are gay, why do you have all these games with women being...provocative?"

Alfred paused the game and looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"If you don't like girls, why do you have so many games with women being sexualized?"

Alfred fiddled with the controller and looked down. "I don't know...I never liked them for the women." He unpaused the game, and I presumed that was the end of our conversation.

Eventually, around eleven, Alfred told me that he was tired. He offered me a sleeping bag, but after I told him I had back problems, he told me he would sleep in it instead. I really do have back problems, but my intention was to sleep next to Alfred. I don't think he really wanted to sleep in the sleeping bag either, but was just being polite.

"That's okay. We can both sleep on the bed...I don't mind."

Alfred shrugged and put the sleeping bag back on its shelf. As I crawled into bed, I couldn't help but think about what a day I had. I had met a boy, fainted, went to the boy's house, met his family, confessed my love to him, and now we were sleeping in the same bed. One hell of a first day of school.

Alfred crawled into bed and turned off the lamp by his bedside table. We sat in the darkness, saying absolutely nothing. Here we were, in the same bed together, and we knew our feelings were mutual. I didn't know how he felt, but I felt so incredibly embarrassed. Yet...I was excited at the same time. Alfred was saying nothing, until he rolled over and faced me, then asked me a question.

"Kiku, when did you realize that you were gay?"

I wasn't anticipating that. It took me a moment to collect my thoughts, then I answered.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, was it when you met someone? Or did you just...know?"

I thought about this for a moment. When did I realize I was gay? "I guess...I never really liked girls. Not...in that way. Being gay in Japan is kind of a weird thing, so I didn't come out until I researched Americans...when I moved here, I decided I would come out to anyone who asked. But so far, I've only directly told you. It was an accident, but I don't regret it or anything. I would have told you eventually."

Alfred rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling. He coughed and fidgeted around with the blankets, twisting the fabric between his fingers. Suddenly, he sat up as if he had thought of something. He then extended an arm over to his dresser and grabbed a remote.

"Wanna see something cool?"

He pressed a button, and suddenly the whole room lit up in stars. The walls were like galaxies, and it felt like we were in outer space. I noticed the various projectors in Alfred's room earlier, but I didn't know they did this. The stars surrounded us, enveloping us in an infinite cosmos. It was breathtaking, and I couldn't stop looking all around me at the millions of orbs that were glowing in front of me.

"Do you like it? I made it myself. I like outer space." Alfred put his arms behind his head and watched the stars with me. We were silent for a moment, until he pointed over to the left wall.

"That's Orion's Belt. You can tell by the three stars lining up...well, I know you can't see it, but it's there."

I chuckled at how adorable that was, then placed my hands on my stomach and stared up at the ceiling. Alfred and I sat there, just watching as the galaxy filled his room.

"You like astronomy a lot, Alfred?"

"Yeah."

I rolled over and faced him. He was still looking up, but after he noticed me, he shifted around and faced me too. We stared at each other for a moment, and I noticed how the stars reflected in Alfred's eye. All the darkness, with little flecks of light peeking through, wanting to be noticed. Nobody ever pays attention to the darkness, they always look at the light. The tiny bits of light amongst all the dark, that's the part they look at.

It's the same with Alfred. I never looked at his scars. I looked at his beautiful face, his wonderful heart, and his adorably dorky personality. I saw a boy who could make space projectors, a boy who helped me out of a car or carried me across a campus, a boy who was bullied every day for his face and still never lost his beautiful smile. I saw Alfred's light. That's what I noticed.

Alfred looked into my eyes for another moment, as if he were concentrating on something. Then he smiled, his eye crinkling up at the edges. He rolled over and laid on his back once more, and I did the same. And for another twenty minutes or so, we sat in complete silence, taking in all that wonderful light amongst all the darkness. It was awkward, yes, but it was also strangely relaxing. I think we both trusted each other to some degree, even after being friends for a day, and that made us more comfortable. And eventually, with the universe surrounding me, I fell fast asleep.

X

The next morning, I awoke to the sounds of sizzling from downstairs, and the strong smell of breakfast being prepared. Alfred was still sleeping next to me, his mouth half open. He wasn't a person to snore, but rather one to make the occasional high-pitched mumbling noise. The projector was still on, so I grabbed the remote from his dresser and flipped the switch to 'off'.

I pulled the covers back onto him, seeing how he had kicked them off in the middle of the night, and walked out the door and down the hall. I ran into Matthew, who had a towel around his neck and waist.

"I didn't use up all the hot water. Feel free to take a shower and use the shampoo and stuff in there."

I thanked him and went inside. And the first thing I noticed was...even their bathroom was nice! The shower was one of the biggest ones I had ever seen, and the whole room was made of marble. They even had a separate bathtub in the room, and...was that a hot tub? I couldn't believe how nice their bathroom was. It was nicer than my entire apartment. Well, the apartment that was completely empty, but still.

I made my way over to the bath, taking note of the fluffy, white towels on the ground. I wasn't sure if I should take a bath in this situation...after all, we had to go to school in about an hour. But nobody really takes showers in Japan. I examined the bottles that were sitting on the floor...everything looked high end. Just how much money did their parents make?

I started to run the water, and stripped down to...yeah. Nothing. That's when I heard the door creak open.

And saw Alfred standing in the doorway.

He didn't notice me at first, not until he heard the water running. I tried to cover myself up the best that I could, but there's only so much that two small hands can cover. My eyes caught sight of the towels on the floor, and I bent down to pick one up as fast as I could.

"Holy shit! Ah...oh my God...I'm sorry!" I looked up and saw Alfred, who was shielding his face with his arm and feeling around him for the doorknob. I couldn't think of anything to say, and just watched as Alfred scrambled around to find a way out. Finally, his hand touched the cool metal of the doorknob, and he yanked it open as fast as he could.

"Alfred, wait! You can come in here once I'm in the bath!" I yelled as he shut the door behind him. No response. I sighed and dropped the towel, then tested the water. I like my baths to be scalding hot, so it had to be just the right temperature.

I heard a knock on the door. "Hold on a minute!" I shouted. I slowly lowered myself into the water, sighing in relief about how amazing it felt to be in a bathtub again. We didn't have the one in our apartment "properly installed" yet, so we had to take showers.

"You can come in now," I said, looking down to make sure...everything would be covered from the perspective of someone standing by the door. I heard another soft knock, and some mumbling.

"A-are you sure?" came Alfred's voice from behind the door.

"Yes. Come in."

The door inched open slowly. Alfred peered from around it, keeping his head down. He darted his eye up to see if I was in the bath yet, and when he saw everything was okay, he walked over to the sink.

"You know, I'm usually the one to be more stressed about seeing guys naked," I said, trying to diffuse the awkward atmosphere. Alfred just stared straight into the mirror in front of him, splashing water on his face. He pulled out a razor and shaving cream from the cabinet.

"You shave?"

He nodded. Still not looking at me, he asked, "You don't?"

"No need. I don't have facial hair."

"Lucky."

It would feel so awkward to start washing my hair in front of Alfred. So I merely sat there, silent, as Alfred shaved. He shook the can, very gently spraying some of the white foam onto his hand. After he slathered a good amount on his face, he began working the razor down the contours of his jaw.

"...Do you need to take a shower?" I asked him, trying to make some conversation.

Alfred nodded, but then started to panic. "I-I mean, take your time! I do, but...d-don't let me, um, stop you or something."

I laughed, then looked down at the products on the floor, trying to figure out which one was what. Alfred ran water over his face once more, then dried his chin off with a towel.

"Ugh, damn puberty," he scowled.

I wasn't even sure if I had hit puberty. My voice...was my voice high or low? Somewhere in the middle, I supposed. My body was still lanky and girlish, and I still had young features...I saw plenty of Asian men back in Japan with faces that were more like Alfred's. A nice, strong jaw and a square-shaped face. But...I never got that. And I hated it. I was girly. I was weak.

Alfred had started to brush his teeth. What kind of toothpaste did he to make his teeth so white? I wondered if my teeth were white...I always thought they were, until I met Alfred. Then I realized just how bad they must look in comparison. Matthew had a perfect smile, too. Actually, Matthew was just as well-built as his brother, except less blocky and more lean. That got me thinking about Matthew...what did he think of Alfred being gay?

"Okay, I'm done in here. Unless you want to bathe at the same time or take turns, I'll just come in after you're done." He chuckled. "But Papa is making breakfast, so be quick! There's some deodorant there on the sink. Dad found a shirt for you. It's in my room." He went out the door as fast as he could, but shut it gently behind him.

I sank lower into the water, blowing bubbles. One day down, several hundred more to go.

X

As soon as I came downstairs, Francis set a plate out in front of me. It looked like poached eggs and toast with some sort of paste on it. I thanked him and sat down, eating as quickly as I could. Alfred, who had already finished eating, headed upstairs to take a shower. Matthew got up and put his plate in the sink, then looked at me as he rinsed it.

"I remember that shirt. Wasn't too long ago that I wore it. It fits, right?"

I looked down at Matthew's old shirt. It was a dark blue button-up with a white dotted pattern. Not something I'd normally wear, but it didn't look bad.

"Yes, it fits. Thank you. Thank you to all of you." I heard that bowing was not a thing in the United States, so I just chose to look them all in the eye, one by one, and smile. Arthur and Francis merely nodded back, and Matthew beamed.

"No problem! Hey, since today is Friday, we can take you home and you can pick up some clothes and stuff, then you can stay over again. I think Alfred would like that. If you want to, of course."

Hmm. Empty house with no father and nothing in it, or beautiful house filled with people and a cute boy who actually liked me more than a friend? Oh, what a dilemma.

"S-sure."

Matthew smiled and turned off the sink, then walked over and leaned down next to me, speaking softly.

"Please do come over often. Alfred doesn't really have any friends other than you and I. Thanks for being there for him."

Matthew must not have wanted his parents to hear or notice that, so I just gave him a little nod and continued eating my breakfast.

**Second day of school is coming up. Yes, the characters from the first day will continue to be in the story.**


	8. Friends

I was in the process of shelving books when I heard the door next to me creak open. I didn't pay much attention to it, though, because it was Feliciano's job to shout 'Welcome to the library' or whatever. I don't think he actually had to, but just did it anyway.

"Welcome to the libr...oh, hello Alfred!"

Alfred was here? I turned around and sure enough, it was him. He held up a book for Feliciano, who took it over to the book deposit slot.

"Alfred, you can go get a new book, if you want. Just ask me and I'll help you. Or Kiku can."

Alfred looked over at me, and I averted my eyes. No matter how close we got, I was always embarrassed over how cute he was. Alfred let out a chuckle and strolled over to me.

"Hey, I haven't seen you since...about ten minutes ago. Did you understand the lesson today?"

"Yes...why wouldn't I?" I continued to shelve the books.

"Miss Hedervary told me to ask you that when I saw her in the hall on my way here. I don't think she knows how good your English skills are yet. You could totally use that, though! Like, 'Oh, I did not understand question!' And then she'll give you extra points. Right?" He nudged me in the ribs with his elbow.

"No, I don't think I would go that low…"

"Eh, I was just joking. Can you help me find a book?" He flashed a dazzlingly white smile at me. "I need help."

"I'm new."

"You're still smart. You learn things quickly, like when we played GTA. Come on, help a guy out?" He folded his hands together and gave me a fake, pleading face. He stuck out his bottom lip and everything.

I laughed. "I think you just want to talk with me. Feliciano or Ludwig would know the library better."

Alfred snapped his fingers. "Curses, foiled again. You saw right through me."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed him by the arm. "Come on, show me what book you want."

He looked up at all the genres that were labeled by a sign written in Ludwig's blocky, neat handwriting. And in case you still couldn't grasp what a section was by the label, Feliciano took it upon himself to draw something pertaining to each section. So the 'mystery' sign had a little magnifying glass next to it.

"Where would you find...um...astronomy books?"

I don't know why, but my heart gave a little flutter every time Alfred talked about how he loved outer space. I just didn't think he could get any cuter, and then he goes and mentions how dorky he is about astronomy. Sometimes I just couldn't take it.

"I think that would be…" I walked over a few aisles. "...let's see...here. Science section."

Alfred walked down the aisle and I followed behind him. We scanned the shelves for various books, hoping to find something about space.

"Anything you like in particular?"

"Galaxies," he mumbled, moving a few books aside. Alfred's eyebrows were knitted together in concentration, and he pushed his glasses up on his nose.

I bent down and looked on the bottom row, seeing if anything with a 'g' caught my eye. Suddenly, I had an idea. I told Alfred I would be right back, and went over to the section where Antonio always was. He would have something even better than just a simple little book.

"Oh, hola Kiku! Do you need something?"

Lovino was standing next to him, and scowled at my arrival. I didn't think he liked me very much, but Feliciano told me he was that way with everyone.

"Yes...you have the giant books, right? Are there any of them that talk about outer space?"

Antonio looked up in thought. "I think so. Lovino, can you go check?"

Lovino rolled his eyes and mumbled angrily as he walked away, doing as he was told. Antonio didn't notice, and instead just shouted to him.

"Gracias! If you find one, bring it over here!"

Antonio smiled at me and picked up a stack of books to put on a nearby shelf. "So, Kiku, I heard you took a fall yesterday. Are you okay?"

Everyone knew about that? I didn't want people to remember.

"Yes, I'm fine. Hey, Mr. Ca- I mean, Antonio, why is Lovino always so upset?" I hoped to steer the conversation away from my fainting yesterday to make him forget about it entirely.

"Ah, he is not upset. He just pretends to be a tough kid, when really he just like a tomato. He appears slightly tough, but it doesn't take much to realize he's actually just a big softie."

That was a weird metaphor, but I ignored it. "So he's actually nice?"

Antonio shrugged. "Uh, not really...he is to some people, I suppose. He's nice to his boyfriend when he wants to be."

"Boyfriend? So he's gay too?" Why was everyone that I was meeting lately homosexual? Not that it was a bad thing, I just found it to be an odd coincidence.

"Hm. I'm not one to talk about my students, but...I think he is what they call 'bisexual' or something. Anyway, he is dating a man right now."

"Does he go to this school?"

I was actually just trying to make conversation, but that question seemed to make Antonio really uncomfortable. He put his head down and started to put the books on the shelf, one by one.

"...Yes."

Just then, Lovino returned with a huge, sleek book. He sounded like he was breathing heavily, but almost like it was all for show.

"I can't believe I had to carry this damn book all by myself, you stupid bastard. Here, take it." He flung it onto the table, then sat down in a nearby chair, still complaining under his breath.

Antonio flipped the book open and looked through the pages. "'Galaxies of the Universe', huh? Is this what you needed?"

I couldn't help but grin. "Yes! That's exactly what I needed. People can check this one out, right?"

"Yes, of course. Do you need help carrying it?"

I lifted it off the table. It wasn't that heavy, which made me wonder about Lovino's upper arm strength.

"I got it. Thanks!"

I took the book back over to Alfred, who still couldn't find anything. When I presented the book to him, his whole face lit up with happiness.

"Where did you find this?"

"Antonio and Lovino found it for me."

He set the book down on the table and looked through the glossy, full color pages. Alfred couldn't stop the huge smile on his face, and that was enough to make me melt.

"Can you keep it here until after school? I don't want to carry this around all day. Plus, I kinda have to go back to class. Passes are only good for ten minutes."

I nodded, and he closed the book and slid it across the table. Alfred waved goodbye to me and Feliciano, who was standing behind the counter. Feliciano gave an excited wave back, happy that Alfred acknowledged him.

After he left, I walked over to Ludwig and Feliciano. I had to put stickers on the fiction books today, which I wasn't really looking forward to. When they noticed me, Ludwig walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Kiku, since you fainted yesterday, I think you need endurance training. I have a regimen I wrote down."

"O-oh?"

"Yes. If you want, I can help you."

Feliciano grabbed Ludwig by the shoulders and bounced up and down. "Yeah, Ludwig is great at this kind of stuff. He can help you after school one day!"

That didn't sound bad. After the whole...accident, I was never very good at regulating my breathing. Doctors said it had given me some slight breathing difficulties, but that I could train a little to make it better. Too bad I didn't like working out.

"Sure. I'm going to Alfred's house after school, so I don't think I could today. Maybe next week?"

Ludwig nodded sternly. "Understood."

Feliciano's eyes lit up. "Hey, we could all hang out together sometimes. The Axis, going to the movies together. And we can take our friends, too!"

Ludwig actually smiled for once. "Not a bad idea. I could take my brother...though, knowing him, he'd want Elizabeta to come along too."

"Lovino can come! Right, right? Kiku, you can invite Alfred. And doesn't he have someone who kinda...looks like him who is always around him?"

"Matthew, his brother. Sure, I will ask them. Maybe tomorrow, since it's Saturday? I will check with them."

The three of us confirmed this, then Feliciano made us all put our hands in the middle and yell 'Go Axis!', which made Ludwig and I super embarrassed. Nevertheless, I could tell I was beginning to like these two. I finally had friends I could count on.

X

"A movie, huh? I don't usually go out in public, but...movie theaters are dark, I guess."

Alfred ate a few more of his chips as the wind blew through our hair. We were sitting outside eating lunch, a thing that would probably happen for as long as we could get away with it. Nobody really noticed nor cared that we were gone, which I guessed was a good thing.

"Yeah, I'm not sure which kind. Is that okay with Matthew?"

He swallowed his food and took a gulp of his soda.

"Probably."

It took me a moment to realize what he had said about movie theaters being dark. Was he that scared to show people his face? I knew he thought lowly of himself, but...I didn't know he avoided the public eye in order to hide away from anyone looking at him oddly. I decided a genuine compliment would boost up his spirits.

"You know, it's really cute that you like astronomy."

Alfred choked on his drink and started to sputter.

"T-t-thank you! U-u-um...I...t-thanks."

He was just too cute.

X

After lunch was 3rd period, where I sat next to Matthew. He wasn't nearly as talkative as Alfred, but I managed to have a conversation or two with him. He said that a movie was fine, but make sure it didn't have too much violence or anything about fires in it. I didn't even have to ask why.

Then came gym, the greatest class of the day. We didn't have to run, but instead play basketball. Another thing I'm not good at.

"Don't pass the ball to the tranny! Pass it to me!"

"Don't let Jones touch it. I don't want to touch it after he does."

"Just ignore those two! Let 'em make out or whatever."

"Fucking Freddy Krueger, get out of my way."

"Alfred only has one damn eye, don't let him have the ball."

Eventually, Alfred and I just stayed in the corner of the room. Enough to make the coach think we were still playing, but not enough for anyone to actually pass the ball to us.

We had already been in class for about thirty minutes when Gilbert came in, late as always. He was carrying more soda than usual, and didn't even stop when Mr. Oxenstierna asked him to. Instead, he ran straight over to us, thrusting cans of soda in our faces.

"You guys like soda, right? I got you some! Kiku, are you okay?"

We took the cans, confused but grateful. Then someone shouted at Gilbert.

"Yo, man. You don't want those tranny germs or whatever disease Jones has got, do you?"

Lots of students in the class snickered, and someone threw the ball at Gilbert. He grabbed it, spun it on his finger, and then laughed.

"How about you mind your own fucking business?" he yelled, before throwing the ball and hitting the kid who yelled right in the chest.

X

Gilbert said a movie was fine, and gave me his, Ludwig's, and Feliciano's number. We were all going to the movies tomorrow, and I couldn't wait. As soon as Matthew, Alfred and I got into the car, we immediately started talking about it.

"I looked up the movies that were showing. Are you guys in the mood for horror or comedy?" asked Matthew as he drove down the road to my house. I had texted my dad, who said he wouldn't be home until later again, so it was good that I had other plans. I think he felt bad for leaving me alone a lot, and just wanted me to be around people. I'm not social, but that really bothers him.

"Take a right up here...and yeah, I'm not really sure what kind. Alfred?"

Alfred shrugged and put away his phone. "I don't know, but Dad and Papa said it's fine. I just texted them."

We started to turn into my neighborhood. Matthew slowed the car down significantly, and I pointed to the left.

"Left up here. I live in those apartments."

We pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex, and Alfred and Matthew looked around like they didn't know what to do. I offered them to come inside, so they both complied. We climbed the stairs to the second story, and I dug around in my pocket for my key.

"I heard these houses are nice," said Alfred as he looked around.

"They are," I replied, taking out my key and putting it into the lock, "but don't expect much right now."

As soon as we stepped in, both of them audibly gasped. Our apartment had a tremendously high ceiling, and the square footage was about the size of their own home. Nothing was in it yet, so it probably looked a lot bigger than it was going to.

"Woah...where is your room, Kiku?" Matthew asked, stepping into the kitchen.

"It's upstairs. Come on, I'll show you."

We climbed the stairs, which Alfred mumbled about them being carpeted and 'fancy'. The apartment was way too big for just my dad and I, but he told me he had hoped to get a wife eventually. It's not like this was really a dent in his pocket, either.

I opened up the door to my room and stepped inside. It was plain and almost empty, although I had a dresser and a bed. But what really made it look empty was the size, just like the rest of my home.

"Holy shit!" exclaimed Alfred. "This is as big as our living room or something. I thought our house was nice, but damn."

I blushed, slightly embarrassed about my father and his overzealous spending habits. I walked over to the dresser and shuffled through some clothes, finding a few outfits and stuffing them into my school bag. I told the brothers to go look around while I got some things out of the bathroom, and they quickly complied.

"I'll race you down the stairs!"

"Al, don't shove me. Wait, that's cheating!"

I went into the bathroom and grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste, deodorant, and a comb. I could just use the shampoo at their house, although I felt a little bad for using theirs. My dad always bought the jumbo bottles, though, and I was not about to shove those into my bag.

As I walked downstairs, I heard Alfred telling Matthew about the book.

"Every single page is colored, Matt! And it's only about galaxies, too! I can't wait to read it."

I smiled. "Hey guys, I'm going to go write a note for my dad. Wait for me in the car."

Alfred and Matthew nodded, and I walked into the kitchen. I pulled out a spare sheet of notebook paper and a pen from my backpack, and wrote my dad a letter.

_Dear Dad,_

_Like I texted you earlier, I'm going to go see a movie with my friends. I'm not sure if I'll spend the night on Saturday and Sunday, but I'll call or text you if I do. Keeping working hard. I love you._

_Kiku_

I sighed and left the letter on the kitchen counter, then walked out the door.

**Anyone seen the whole 'Salted Salmon' story? Then you'll understand the reference to it in there. Thank you those of you who like Ameripan! I'm trying to write out a long story with a lot of plot, since there's not too many of those in the Ameripan department. Most of them are smutty one-shots, which isn't bad, but sometimes people want a story. Additionally, someone PMed me and asked me about their ages. Here you go. **

**Gilbert and Lovino- 18 (seniors)**

**Kiku- 17 (junior)**

**Feliciano, Ludwig, Alfred, and Matthew- 16 (sophomores) Matthew is the older one of the two brothers, by the way.**


	9. Telescopes and Dating Sims

**Thanks for pointing out my mistake, reviewer! Alfred is into astrology as well, but I did mean astronomy. Oopsie daisy. I'm really meticulous about messing up, so I'm gonna go back and fix it. Now no one will ever know unless they read this author's note or your review. Just as another note, feel free to add me on Skype if you wanna discuss the fic. It's just moondustbeam -. Pretty sure my picture is of America. And who knows, I might tell you some things that happen before anyone else. ;)**

We eventually decided upon seeing a comedy. I called Gilbert and told him, who said he was bringing a girl that he liked. I recalled Ludwig saying something about her, but I didn't think much of it. We agreed to meet at the theater around seven o'clock tomorrow.

Matthew, Alfred, and I all played games and looked through Alfred's astronomy book. Francis made an amazing dinner as always, and actually brought us presents home.

"It's kind of a 'first day of school' sort of thing. And Kiku, to thank you for being a friend to my son."

I was about to say we had only known each other for two days, but kept my mouth shut. I realized Alfred probably didn't have any friends like Matthew had said, so me coming over and hanging out with them was a big deal.

"Kiku, I wasn't really sure of what you liked, but Alfred told me you weren't that into the games that he had. So I bought you some that I heard were popular in Japan." He handed me a plastic bag filled with games, and I pulled a few out excitedly.

They were all dating sims.

"Oh, thank you very much. Maybe we can go play them."

Alfred was holding back a laugh upon seeing that they were all women, and I elbowed him in the ribs.

"Matthew, this is for you."

He pulled out a stuffed, white bear. Matthew practically screamed in excitement, and ran to hug his father.

"Merci, Papa! Merci! I will go put it with the other ones." He ran upstairs, and I gave Alfred a confused look. Alfred laughed and jabbed a thumb at the stairs.

"The dork loves polar bears."

Finally, it was Alfred's turn. Francis got up off the couch and walked into his room, telling us he had to go get it. Alfred looked at me excitedly, and I tried my hardest to look just as enthused as he was.

"Here it is!" said Francis, who appeared in the room carrying some sort of long, sleek, rod-like contraption. It took me a second to realize what it was.

"A telescope!" Alfred shouted, and ran over to examine it. "Oh, God, I've always wanted this one. Thank you so much…" He looked like he was going to start crying, and Francis ruffled his hair.

"Don't cry, Alfred!"

Arthur coughed and rustled the newspaper he was hiding behind. "I suggested it…" he mumbled, and Alfred ran over and hugged him as well.

"Oh, Kiku, isn't it great? Matt, stop playing with your bears and come down here!"

Footsteps were heard coming down the stairs, and Matthew emerged. "I wasn't playing with my bea...holy shit is that a telescope?!"

Alfred nodded, and went back to staring at it in wonder. He grinned at me.

"Let's go take it outside!"

So five minutes later, there the three of us were, standing outside and setting up the telescope. Matthew fiddled around with the instruction booklet in his hand.

"Okay, are you sure you know how to handle this, Al?"

Alfred waved him away as he unscrewed the cap on the lens and started adjusting various knobs. I gave Matthew a little shrug, as if to say 'I have no idea what he's doing', and Matthew gave me the same gesture back. Eventually, Alfred sighed in relief.

"It's ready! Come here! Wait. Kiku, tell me your zodiac."

"Excuse me?"

"Your star sign! Tell me your birthday."

"Oh...um...February the 11th."

"Aquarius, huh? Let me think...Aquarius doesn't really have any bright stars. Hold on, you're right between Capricorn and Pisces…" Alfred started to tilt the telescope around, looking for something. He pointed his finger up into the sky, and looked as if he were tracing something. Finally, he pulled me over and gestured for me to look into the telescope. As I did, he twisted some sort of knob, and it zoomed in. All I saw were a bunch of stars.

"I know you don't know how to connect them, but that's your constellation."

Alfred found my constellation just for me. I felt my heart thump in my chest. That was one of the most adorable things I had ever heard of.

"Matt, come here. You're Cancer."

"Well gee, Al, that's kind of mean."

"You idiot. You know that's your star sign. Get over here and look through the telescope."

Matthew raised his hands in a defensive position and did as he was told. Alfred came over and sat next to me on the ground, then looked up at the night sky.

"So you're born February the 11th...not that far away from Valentine's Day, huh?"

"I suppose."

"Hm...guess that means you're pretty loveable."

My face flushed a dark red. Did Alfred know what he had just said to me? I always get embarrassed easily, so things like that just...make me want to melt.

"Hey...do you not like being touched?"

"Not really...why?"

"Hm. I just noticed. Any particular reason?"

I thought about the particular reason, and it made my skin crawl. Every time I was hugged, or in a tight space, or touched too much...it brought me back to the day I lost my parents. I didn't like to think about it.

"A really personal reason."

Alfred just shrugged. "You don't have to tell me. I usually suck at reading the atmosphere, but I can kinda tell you don't wanna discuss it, so...yeah."

"Hey, space boy, anything else you wanna show us?" asked Matthew, jogging over to where we were sitting.

"Not really. I'll observe the stars on my own, you two can go in. But I want to look at this night sky for just another minute…" He laid down, closing his eyes. "Imagine all of those tiny flecks of light. They're light years away, and as big as the Sun. I can't even begin to fathom it…"

"It looks just like your room," I said, looking up at the sky.

Matthew sighed. "Oh my God, you showed him that dorky space projector you made."

Alfred, ignoring him, continued. "You know, sadness in people is kind of like Orion's Belt. You can't see it, but it's there. And only certain people can see it in the first place, only if they know it well."

Matthew grabbed my arm and started to pull me inside. "He's getting all philosophical about space again," he muttered.

X

Once inside, Matthew suggested that we go play one of the games that Francis got for me. I wasn't sure if we should play on Alfred's XBox while he was gone, but Matthew said it was okay. I picked out one that looked like it would be the most fun, and popped it in. One of the games had pigeons on the cover, but I was not about to play a pigeon dating sim.

As the loading screen started up, Matthew shifted through the booklet.

"There's a lot of girls to choose from. Looks like Papa made a good choice, eh?" He held up the instruction booklet and showed me a page full of the different girls you could end up with.

"You sure like to read instruction booklets, huh?" I said, trying not to look at all the girls. For some reason, I didn't want Matthew to know that I was homosexual. I stared straight at the screen, setting up the character.

"Yeah...I do…" Matthew sounded hesitant, as if he were pondering something.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Just thinking."

I decided to just name the character Honda, after my last name. Matthew saw this and snorted.

"Why name him after a car? Is his last name Civic?"

"What? Honda is my last name."

Matthew giggled. "Okay, Kiku Honda Civic."

I didn't really get the joke, so I just ignored it altogether. Finally, the game started up. Matthew slid the instruction book over to me, then laid on his stomach.

"So, Kiku...what type of girl do you like?"

I could feel myself getting goosebumps. How would I answer this? I decided to just go with what I liked, but in a male.

"Do any of them have blonde hair?"

Matthew looked down at the book. "The classmate character, Karen. She does. You like blondes, Kiku?"

"Y-yes," I replied, still not looking down at the booklet.

"Hmm...she's your classmate. Go into the school when you get the chance to go there or skip it."

I did as I was told, but I could feel Matthew looking at me rather than at the screen. The girl, Karen, finally came up. She was a younger girl, with her hair in pigtails and bright, blue eyes. I swallowed nervously.

"Kiku, do you want me to play?"

"W-why?"

"Because you're gay."

I immediately whipped my head around to face Matthew, who was grinning at me as if what he had said was just a random fact. I tried my hardest to defend myself.

"Why do you say that?"

"You didn't like Alfred's games because of the girls on them, right? You're not into this game because you don't like women. I noticed something the first day I met you. You looked all the female students in the eye. But you looked all the males up and down, including me."

I could feel my face getting hot. How did Matthew notice something like that?

"In case you're wondering how I would notice that, I have two fathers."

I didn't really know what to say. Matthew could read me like a book, and I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Everything he had said was true, even if I myself never noticed.

"I tend to stay in the background. Nobody notices me, but I notice them. Kind of like how blind people can hear things better. It's okay if you're gay, I don't care. I support it. But tell me...do you like anyone?" He grinned devilishly, and I had no idea what he was implying. Did he know I liked Alfred? Did he know Alfred liked me?

"No, I don't. And it's not you."

"I would hope not. I'm asexual, so this jar is empty. Plus, you like Alfred, don't you?"

Oh, no.

"U-uh, um...no?"

"Why was that a question, Kiku?"

I felt like I was being interrogated, and I didn't like it. I wasn't sure if I wanted Matthew to know I liked his brother, especially if he didn't know that Alfred was gay. That would just make me look pathetic. I _felt_ pathetic right then and there. I was just some stupid, skinny, gay little Asian boy who could be read so easily. I felt tears spring into my eyes, and I tried to hold them back.

"I...I don't…" I could hear my voice quivering, and I hated it. I never liked to show emotion. I never did show emotion. And here I was, about to cry in front of someone I had only met yesterday. As soon as Matthew saw this, his eyes softened, and he sat up.

"Kiku, I'm sorry. Don't cry. Honestly, it's okay. Don't worry about it. I'm not even sure what Alfred likes, okay? Who knows, maybe he likes you back."

He didn't know everything.

Matthew looked at me with a pained expression on his face. Then he got up and ran out the door as fast as he could. I was confused for a second, until he returned, holding a stuffed polar bear.

"Here. His name is Kuma. It's Japanese for bear, right? You can have him. Please don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

I smiled and looked down at the little white bear. Matthew patted me on the back, his expression much more relaxed. His touch was much more gentle than anyone else's that I had ever felt.

X

Alfred stayed out for a few hours, charting stars or something. I really had no idea what he was doing, since I wasn't too knowledgable on the subject of astronomy. Matthew and I stayed in, talking about Alfred as a kid, and when they met.

"It was weird, you know? Adults at the wedding wouldn't even talk to him, which is disgusting. I know his scars look kind of nasty, but it doesn't change him. Besides, he doesn't really have that bad of a face. It's just his eye. I don't see what the big deal is."

"I couldn't agree more. I think he's really handsome...I don't really look at his scars."

"You're a really good person, Kiku. I hope that Alfred does like you."

We spoke like this for a little while, then we played the game. I told Matthew where to go in order to get the girl we picked. We just closed our eyes and picked a different one, a random one, since neither of us had any interest in girls. Matthew said he had no interest in anyone whatsoever, and almost no sex drive at all. Then we laughed about how a homosexual boy and an asexual boy were playing a game about dating girls.

I felt comfortable around Matthew after that. I noticed that he was a lot like his brother, despite coming across as a little more mature. His eyes were also a little more on the darker side, with a hint of purple, and his hair was a little bit longer. I asked him if he could tie his hair into a ponytail.

"A tiny one, but it looks really weird. My hair isn't down to my shoulders or anything like Papa's, but I guess it's kind of long. Dad gets to decide how to cut Alfred's hair, and Papa gets to decide how to cut mine. Hence the hairstyles in the family."

Eventually, Alfred came back to his room and showed us all the things he had documented. He went on and on about 'nebula this' and 'planet that'.

"And I think I saw a UFO, too!"

Matthew and I exchanged glances, then smiled. That was our dorky Alfred, alright.

**Matthew was totally playing with his bears and introducing the new one to all of them. And there really is a pigeon dating sim. Hatoful Boyfriend. Go check it out. Anyway, this chapter has a lot of Matthew in it, huh? I felt bad for all the viewers who really liked him, and wanted more interaction between him and Kiku. Hence this chapter.**


	10. Movies

**I can't stop laughing because I'm thinking about how Japan's plan to fight off the Pictonians was to use a stick and hit them. Also, Happy Thanksgiving, for those of you in America! I have a mini turkey in the oven right now.**

That night, as I was getting into bed with Alfred for the second time in two days, he said something I never thought he would.

"We said that we liked each other, right?"

"Yes."

He turned the lamp off, and we sat in total darkness. I didn't know why he had even asked that, but I'm glad he finally mentioned it again. It must have been on his mind.

"This is so stupid...but I just want to kiss you. Like, really badly."

"Oh…?"

I could feel the embarrassment radiating from Alfred's side of the bed, even though it was pitch black. I hoped he couldn't tell that I felt the same way. I really wanted to kiss Alfred too, and it made me nervous every time I thought about it.

"Yeah. But I gotta...find the right moment. I just wanted to make sure you still liked me."

"I swear, I don't take it back. You're still an incredible guy. Handsome, too. I still like you."

I could have sworn I heard Alfred let out a little noise of happiness, before he rolled over and went to sleep.

X

The next evening, we were all piling into Matthew's car to go the movies. I was really excited to see all the people that had come to be my friends in the past few days. Things were not that awkward between Alfred and I, although when I asked him why he was wearing such a baggy hoodie, he merely shrugged. I saw a glint of sadness in his eye, though, and I couldn't quite catch what that meant.

Once we made it to the theater, Matthew offered to buy the tickets as we stood outside and waited for the others. The first ones to show up were Feliciano and Ludwig.

"My brother is bringing a girl that he likes...I'm not really sure if he should, but he insisted. I don't know why he's always after her. She has a boyfriend," Ludwig sighed.

Feliciano merely shrugged. "My brother is bringing his boyfriend, tho-"

Ludwig elbowed Feliciano, then whispered something to him, which made Feliciano's face contort with fear. Just then, a car pulled up, and Lovino stepped out. He said something to the driver, who then parked the car in one of the front parking spaces.

Lovino made his way over to us. "Hey, little brother and...ugh, Ludwig."

I was curious to see who Lovino's boyfriend was, so I watched the car as he stepped out. Feliciano started to shout at me.

"W-wait! I didn't mean to say that!"

Lovino eyed him with suspicion. "Say what?"

But after turning my attention back to the person who had gotten out of the car and was walking toward us, I could see why he didn't want me knowing who Lovino's boyfriend was. Because if I knew that they were dating, Lovino's boyfriend could be in some serious trouble.

"Hola, Kiku. Are you one of the people seeing a movie with us?"

"Yes, Antonio. I am." I looked over at Feliciano and Ludwig, who were frozen in fear.

I turned around to find Alfred and speak to him, but I noticed that he was far away from me with his hood pulled up. He was facing the brick wall, not speaking to anyone. I walked over to him.

"Alfred? Are you okay?"

"Please don't draw attention to me," he whispered, and pulled the hood closer to his face.

I wanted to tell Alfred that he was beautiful, and that he didn't need to cover himself up. He wasn't a monster, and everyone here loved him. But it seemed like he was just sinking more and more into himself, and refused to let anyone help him. I was going to try and cheer him up when I felt a tug on my sleeve. Feliciano and Ludwig stood over me, both of them scared. They pulled me away from everyone else and started to whisper.

"P-please don't say anything to anyone. Antonio could get into a lot of trouble, and he's a good person. He loves my big brother a lot, and they're really happy together. Oh, please don't say anything!"

Feliciano was practically shaking, and Ludwig had to hold him in his arms to calm him down. Ludwig looked at me sadly, as if he were waiting for my answer.

"I won't say a word. Don't worry."

They both looked at each other and let out a sigh of relief. Feliciano went to hug me, but then remembered that I don't like to be touched.

"Right. No hugs." He dried his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt.

Soon after that, Gilbert pulled up. I knew this because loud rock music was blasting from his car. Ludwig looked away in shame.

When he got out of the car and ran over to us, he started shouting. "My hot date is gonna be here any minute! She drove separately, though."

He couldn't pick up his own date? But sure enough, another car came up that was blaring music. Only this time, it was a soft, classical piano piece that was being played loudly. The two occupants exited the vehicle, and I let out a little huff under my breath. Really?

How many of my teachers were going to show up today?

Miss Hedervary and Mr. Edelstein walked over to us. I noticed that Mr. Edelstein would help Miss Hedervary over the smallest of steps, even if she didn't need it. He seemed to be quite gentlemanly. Both Gilbert and Ludwig didn't seem to think so, though. They both scowled when he walked over to us.

"Hello, Gilbert. Ludwig. I hope that you will be okay with Elizabeta and I accompanying you on this leisurely excursion this evening."

"Oh, God, why did you bring him?!" Gilbert moaned. "Elizabetaaa…"

Miss Hedervary, or should I say 'Elizabeta', merely smiled. "He is my boyfriend, Gilbert. I've told you multiple times that I can hang out with you, but I have no interest in dating a student."

Well, that hasn't held SOME teachers back.

"I just wanted you to give me one chance! And then you bring Roderich? Ugh," Gilbert still complained, throwing his hands up in the air. "I told everyone I was going on a date! Who am I going to date now, that guy?" He pointed at Matthew, who was suddenly standing behind him with the tickets.

"Snowball's chance in Hell, you fool. Here, I got your tickets." Matthew handed two tickets to me. "One for you and one for Alfred, wherever he is."

"Oh, Kiku. How are you? I didn't know you'd be coming with us." Elizabeta smiled, then pointed at me. "Honey, didn't you talk to him on the first day of the new semester a few days ago?"

Mr. Edelstein, aka 'Roderich', squinted at me from behind his glasses. "Why yes, I did. Hello, Kiku. You're the student from Japan. I remember you."

"You can call us by our first names since we're not in school right now, if you wish. I am Elizabeta, and he is Roderich. By the way, I'm very impressed by the essay you wrote yesterday. Very good English skills."

I spoke English just fine, and I don't think Elizabeta was ever going to understand. But that wasn't my concern. I needed to find Alfred. I walked over to the wall where he was, and found him sitting on the ground with his head in his lap.

"Alfred?"

"Kiku, please go away. I don't want people to notice me."

"Alfred, all of these people know what you look like. None of them care. Miss Hedervary sat me next to you so you could have a friend. Feliciano wanted to talk to you for so long. Gilbert helped you carry me, and he bought you a soda. Matthew is your brother. These people care about you, Alfred. Please."

"I know...but I don't want strangers to see me."

Well, I didn't have a rebuttal for that one. It was true that people treated Alfred badly without getting to know him first. Nevertheless, I grabbed him by the arm and pulled.

"Come on. You can keep your hood up, but they're all going inside. Let's go. You can hold onto my arm, if you'd like."

That got him up. Alfred peered at me from behind his hood, and tentatively grabbed linked my arm with his. I didn't care, as long as it brought him some comfort.

"Can this be...like a date?"

"Sure."

X

"Gilbert, you are not sitting between Roderich and I."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because you're a kid."

"I asked her, not you."

This date was kind of a mess. Between a teacher dating a student, Alfred hiding his face, and a student wanting to date a teacher with her boyfriend present, I didn't know what to do. I sat between Alfred and Matthew, in hopes that maybe I could cheer Alfred up. But all he said was that he wasn't taking his hood off until it got dark. There were a few other people in the theater with us, but I didn't see what the big deal was. Why couldn't he see what I saw?

"Alfred, you look really handsome. Please let me see your face."

The lights started to dim, and Alfred finally took off his hood. I knew it. He was just as cute as ever.

"Hey, where's Antonio and Lovino? The movie is starting."

They were gone? Well, I didn't want to listen to Gilbert argue with Roderich any longer, so I got up and volunteered to go find them. They were probably just in the bathroom or something. So I walked out of the theater and had an employee show me to the restroom. I looked in all the stalls, but they were nowhere to be seen. Why would they leave the theater?

I walked around, slightly fast because the movie was going to start, looking for a couple of men with brown hair. In America, that's not very helpful. I couldn't find many people walking around. Where could they be?

Finally, after I rounded the corner, I heard some voices.

"...marry you eventually. Please? You're a senior. You have one more semester. It can be as soon as you get out of school, okay?"

"Whatever, you dumb bastard. I'll marry you."

"Oh, really?! Lovino, I love you."

"W-whatever! Let's just go back inside. They're probably looking for us."

I ducked behind a giant 3D poster for some stupid action movie as they walked past. Married? They were going to get married? Well, I suppose that was nice. I didn't really care what they did, so long as they didn't get into any trouble. I waited for a few moments, then went inside after them.

After I came back and took my seat, Alfred gently set a container of popcorn on my lap to share with him. It was like a real date. Only his brother was there. And about seven other people.

"Here, this popcorn is for us," he whispered.

About thirty minutes or so into the movie, I decided to rest my head on Alfred's arm. I wasn't really sure what made me do it. Maybe I wanted to be close to him. Maybe I was just tired. Or maybe I was just treating it like an actual date. Whatever the case was, Alfred didn't care. I watched as his face turned bright red and he tried to hide a smile. Having affection made Alfred happy, and therefore me happy as well.

I felt a tug on my sleeve and darted my eyes over at Matthew. He was looking at the screen and eating popcorn, but giving me a thumbs up.

X

The movie was pretty cheesy, and I didn't catch a lot of the jokes. They were mostly about celebrities I had no knowledge of. But I got to go on a date of some sort with Alfred, so it didn't really matter what we were seeing.

"Ahhh, that movie was pretty good. Not as awesome as me, though, right Elizabeta? Come on, give me a kiss goodbye."

"No," Elizabeta laughed. "Kiku and Alfred, I will see you both in class on Monday."

Ludwig pulled me over once more and asked me not to say anything. I said I wouldn't yet again, that their secret was safe with me. I didn't want anyone to know that they were getting married, either, so I kept that to myself as well.

"Goodbye, Kiku! Goodbye, everyone!" shouted Feliciano. Ludwig was already walking toward their truck, and Feliciano chose to run and jump onto his shoulders. Ludwig was a pretty serious guy, and Feliciano was full of energy. I wondered how they ended up together? They both seemed like the type to accidentally call a teacher 'Mom', maybe that's why.

Matthew was already at the car when Alfred and I walked over. He was wiping profusely at the front passenger seat with napkins.

"Oh, shit...I spilled my drink on the seat...Al, can you sit in the back with Kiku? I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to get some cleaning products when we get home."

Alfred and I complied, getting in the backseat as Matthew went around the side of the car.

"Did you spill it because it's so dark?" Alfred asked.

"I don't know...whatever, I guess."

As we started driving down the road, I felt Alfred scoot closer to me. I didn't really think much of it, so I just stared out the window. It was about twenty minutes until we got back to their house, and I could feel my eyes getting heavy.

"Kiku, you're spending the night again, right?" asked Matt.

"Yes."

"Just wanted to make sure."

I continued staring out the window, and Matt turned the music up on the radio. I really wasn't sure what it was, but it sounded like old rock n' roll. I could feel Alfred staring at me, and I swore I heard him stuttering.

"H-hey Kiku, l-look at the stars over here."

I turned around to look, but was met with something I didn't expect.

Alfred was kissing me.

It only lasted for a second, but I could swear I felt his hand cupped behind my head. After he pulled away, he looked down at the floorboard of the car and let out a nervous chuckle. I wasn't saying anything, just frozen in shock. That was my first kiss. Alfred looked at me expectantly, like he was waiting for me to say something.

"I...I...um...Alfred…"

Alfred looked shocked and saddened. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

I leaned forward and wrapped him in a hug, burying my head into his chest. Alfred liked me enough to actually kiss me. He liked being around me. The most handsome and caring man that I had ever met, one who actually went out of his way to be nice to me, had kissed me. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to be close to him, and for him to hold onto me. It was the first time I had ever wanted that in almost my entire life.

Alfred wasn't really sure of what to do, but he eventually placed his hands on my back. I leaned my head to the left for some air, and saw Matthew smiling in the rearview mirror.

**Did you guys see the update? Gilbert and Kiku interacted in canon! Also, I'm not into PruCan at all. It's hinted at in there, I hope you caught it. And don't worry, they were all wearing their seatbelts in the end. Sorry if you feel like this story is moving too quickly, but I only plan on twenty chapters. So they had to kiss pretty soon! Remember to add me on Skype! I've been giving away hints of what happens next to some people.**


	11. Clean Your Damn Room

**I drew Alfred and Kiku! Check it out here: (just take out the spaces) oi58. tinypic 1zbt182 . jpg**

Alfred decided it would be best if we went out to look at the stars together. Matthew quickly remarked that he was tired, so the two of us should just go. So there we were, sitting underneath the stars again. Only this time, we were laying down on the cool grass instead of a bed. Alfred had started to hold my hand the minute we sat down.

He suddenly pointed up at the night sky with his free hand. "Ooh, Kiku! A shooting star! Make a wish."

I wish that I could always have Alfred with me.

"Hey, Kiku...why did you hug me? I thought you felt uncomfortable with that stuff."

"I do."

"Oh…"

"But it's different with you. I can't help but feel safe around you. You bring me comfort, Alfred, and I'm grateful for that. I don't know why, but I want you to be with me."

"Heh. Didn't think I'd ever heard someone say that to me. I thought I'd hear it at Matt's wedding or something, as they stood at the altar. I'd be standing in the back, of course...I wonder if I'd wear an eyepatch there. Lighting is always good at weddings. For photos, you know?"

"Alfred…" I scooted over to him and laid my head down on his chest. It was warm and comforting, and I could hear his chest thumping faster the more I laid there. "You know...I don't care about your burn scars."

"Hm. Who said they were burn scars?"

"Your dad."

"That stupid old man. Well, yeah. They are. He told you how, right? I was stuck. I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to die, then something exploded in my face. I just remember not being able to see at all, and the fact that I looked down and I was just...on fire. My clothes were on fire. That's all I thought. 'Oh, my shirt is on fire.' I couldn't even remember screaming for help, I just remember waking up in the hospital after that. And then...my mom...I didn't get to see her again."

I looked up to see if he was crying, but he wasn't. Instead, he had a dismal look on his face, as if he had told this story multiple times before and was getting tired of it.

"What...did your mom look like?" I whispered.

"A lot like me, I guess. Brown-ish hair that she always wore in a little side braid...she had the same eye color as me, too. And glasses, she had glasses. I think she was somewhat French, too...she spoke French. I guess that's what Dad likes."

I thought about this for a second, trying to picture Alfred's mom. Alfred was silent for a minute, then asked, "What did your parents look like?"

My parents. I tried my best to remember them, to not let go of their image. My dad…

"My dad was kind of a quiet guy. Didn't talk much. He had dark hair, as you would imagine. And brown eyes. I don't think many Asians look that different in those aspects. But just like your dad...he had these huge eyebrows."

Alfred laughed. "I guess fathers just do."

I snickered, then tried to imagine my mother.

"My mother...she had long, dark hair that she always tied into a ponytail. Her eyes were slightly honey-colored. She was always kind of a headstrong lady. She did what she thought was right."

Alfred looked down at me. "Your eyes have a hint of that orange-amber color, too."

I never thought that they did. I never really looked at myself, because I seemed pretty plain. Aside from the whole 'womanly face' thing, there wasn't anything to look at with me. But Alfred...Alfred was handsome. He didn't need to hide.

"Alfred, why do you hide your face from everyone? Please, tell me."

Alfred grimaced. "It's just not good when I do."

"H-how? Surely people cannot be that bad."

"Well...not everyone is. Sure, there's been a few nice people here and there. But they don't realize that they still treat me differently. There was an old lady who used to live next door. She was nice to both of us, yeah, but...she called Matt the 'normal brother'. I just...even if people are trying to treat me in a good way, they always end up making me feel like shit."

He looked down and me and smiled. "But you don't. You treat us the same. And you even like me over my brother. That's a first. Some people have liked him over the years, but…" He frowned. "I feel like Matt gets overlooked because everyone is focusing on me. My body sticks out so much that nobody even looks at him. We both hate it. Everyone notices me when I don't want them to, and nobody notices him when he wants them to."

"One time," he began, "I was at a restaurant with my family. And the waitress came over to us, and Matt told me to look up. He told me it can't be that bad. And the waitress screamed. I scared her. And I wasn't even trying to. I just...scare people. I look like a special effect in a horror movie. I didn't ask to, but I do. And now I just walk outside and make people terrified or grossed out and I...I just don't go outside anymore. I don't want people to be scared of me."

"You're not scary at all…" I said, gripping the fabric of his shirt tightly.

"It's not always that...one time my parents took me to the pool. Which wasn't a very good idea, if any of us thought about it. They told me I had to put a shirt on or leave, because they were receiving too many complaints from people who were grossed out. It was so fucking embarrassing. I was just this...nasty little kid who was so deformed that people didn't want to swim near me. It sucks, Kiku. It really sucks."

I saw that Alfred was about to cry, so I tilted my head up and kissed him on the jaw. I tightened my grip on his hand, and wrapped the other one around his waist.

"I know it does. It's okay, though. You've got me, right? And you've got all these other friends now. You have Ludwig and Feliciano. Plus Gilbert, and you have your brother. And even though he's kind of a jerk, Lovino didn't get scared of you. And the teachers, Miss Hedervary, Antonio, Mr. Edelstein. They didn't even bat an eye. Your parents...a lot of people care about you. You have all of us."

Alfred kissed me on the head, which made my heart skyrocket. "I know. It's all thanks to you, though. Thank you, Kiku."

We sat there, snuggled up against each other, and looked up at the stars. At all the flecks of light that Alfred had in all of the darkness.

"I wonder what my mom would say if she saw her baby boy now…" Alfred whispered.

"I guess I could say the same," I replied, and continued looking up at the sky.

X

_Hey, kid, can you hear me? Oh God...we have to get him out of there...someone, help!_

_I don't think he's alive...wait...he's mumbling something! That kid is alive!_

_Help us move it, please!_

_Are those...his parents?_

_Oh, God...I'm going to throw up._

_Help, someone, help!_

I sat up in bed, a cold sweat running all over my body. It was that dream again...no, that nightmare. The one I thought about constantly. I shivered, crawling out of bed. Alfred was still fast asleep, but I tried to be as quiet as I possibly could as I made my way out of his room and into the bathroom.

The lights were incredibly bright, and it took my eyes a second to adjust. I walked over to the sink and ran the cold water. Scooping up a bit of the cool water in my hands, I rubbed it all over my face. Still felt queasy. I had to stop having these nightmares, because they were starting to tax my health.

I shuffled around in the cabinets for any sort of medication for headaches and nausea. I didn't really understand what each of the American medications were, so I started reading the labels on the side. Then I noticed a clear, orange, cylinder-shaped bottle with a white lid. I read the label carefully.

_367326-7642218 _

_Matthew Williams _

_Take two a day by mouth_

_ Dosage: 10 mg_

Matthew had to take medication? I wondered what it was for. I scanned the bottle for any clues, then realized what I was doing. It wasn't really in my place to be looking through Matthew's things. I just needed some headache medication, so I started to put the bottle back. But then I heard the door click open.

"Kiku…? What are you doing?" Matthew's groggy voice said behind me.

I stood there with the bottle in my hands, unable to move. Matthew had heard me get up? I didn't want him knowing I was looking through his stuff.

"What are you looking for in here?" Matthew rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"Sorry, I just had a nightmare. I woke up and wanted something for a headache...I'm sorry if I woke you up too. Was I being too loud?"

"No…" He yawned again. "I'm just a light sleeper...you need something for a headache? Heh. Well, that's my depression meds, so don't take those. Hold on…"

Matthew leaned in front of me and got into the cabinet. He pushed a few bottles aside until he found what he was looking for.

"Here," he said, handing me the bottle of pills. "Take two." Matthew reached over and grabbed the cup that was sitting on the sink, rinsed it out a couple of times, then filled it with water.

"Thank you," I said, taking the cup. I swallowed the pills with the water. Matthew took the cup and bottle back from me, and started to put them back in their places.

"I'm sorry I...looked through your medicine," I said, looking down at the floor. Matthew, still half-asleep, placed a hand on my shoulder.

"It's cool. Get some rest, okay?" He yawned yet again, then walked over to the door with me and shut the lights off. I went back into Alfred's room, where he was still fast asleep. Crawling into bed, I tried to forget about that awful nightmare. I shuddered and pulled the covers over my head.

There are some things we just can't forget.

X

I woke up to the sounds of yelling coming from downstairs.

As I climbed down the stairs, I tried to listen to what was being said. It sounded like Arthur's voice, with a hint of Alfred speaking now and then.

"...looks horrible! Imagine how Kiku feels having to stare at it all the time!"

What? Was he talking about his scars?

"Dad, he doesn't care! If he does, he hasn't said anything bad about it."

"Well, I care!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I thought Arthur loved his son for what he looked like. And here I was, listening to how he told him that it bothers him.

"Dad, he really doesn't care. Stop worrying about it."

I had to say something. I had to step in. I walked into the living room, where they were arguing. I was about to say something, when Arthur started to scream.

"Just go clean your damn room, Alfred! Kiku has to stay in there with you, and he probably doesn't like it. Just go clean it already!"

Oh.

"I don't see why my room bothers you so much."

OH.

I tried to step away, unnoticed, when Arthur saw me out of the corner of his eye.

"Kiku, does Alfred's room bother you?"

"Kiku, come on. Tell him it doesn't."

What the hell was I supposed to do? I felt trapped, like I was going to disappoint one of them no matter what. I quickly thought of a solution.

"How about I...help him clean it?"

They looked at one another, both slightly satisfied.

X

"Where do the magazines go? On the shelf over here?"

Alfred looked over at me, a stack of star charts, astronomy posters, and books on space in his hands. He was trying very hard to hold all of them together, but failing miserably.

"Y-yeah. Sure. Just make it look neat."

I stacked up all the various magazines that were scattered about Alfred's room on a single shelf. It looked much neater now that I had done that. Next up were the clothes, but Alfred said he wanted to do that. I guess he felt uncomfortable with me touching his dirty laundry.

I scanned the room for something else. Dishes. There were plates and bowls all over the room, so I decided to gather them up and take them downstairs. Stacking a few plates together, I asked Alfred about his dad.

"Your dad cares a lot about your room, huh?"

Alfred rolled his eyes. "He cares way too much about everything. He's always getting on me. Honestly, I should start a revolt or something."

I laughed. "Don't do that! He just cares about you is all."

"Yeah, well…" Alfred moved his dresser aside to pick up something that had fallen behind it. "He's just strict. And old."

"He doesn't look old."

"He's old."

I stacked up a few more dishes before going downstairs to the sink. Francis was already doing some, so I placed them on the counter next to him.

"They're from Alfred's room. Do you want him to wash them?"

Francis sighed and took one of the bowls. "No, I will."

So Francis was definitely the nicer of the two parents. I was starting to see where Matthew and Alfred shared similarities with their fathers. I walked back up to Alfred's room and saw Matthew standing in the doorway.

"Room looks nice, eh? Nicer than it did before." He popped a carrot into his mouth and offered a bag of them to me. I shook my head.

"Hey, Al! Did Dad make you do that?"

A little plastic Jupiter went flying out of the room and hit Matthew in the stomach.

**Sorry it took so long for me to update this time! Everyone was telling me how fast I update in the reviews, and I could have sworn I heard the song "Under Pressure" from Queen being played. Did you guys get the reference in the last line? From Hetalia, I mean. Also, Kiku's parents and Alfred's mom are all Hetalia characters. Tell me who you think they are before I say it in the next AN! **


	12. Memories

**To that one guest reviewer: Are you talking about my author's notes in chapter 2? Yes. I did. But I'm gay, so it was a joke. And yay! Everyone guessed the parents correctly. Kiku's parents are indeed Hong Kong and Vietnam. Alfred's mom is Monaco, because she was the only female who resembled him in my opinion. Also, I was talking with "americalovesthecockpit" (as she is known on here) and I'm going to write a USUK smut fic for her. For Christmas. So...look forward to that.**

I had to admit, Alfred's room looked a lot better.

We had picked up almost every single thing on the floor and put it away neatly, and it only took us an hour. There were still a few things on the floor, but we were almost done. Alfred was picking them up, when I thought about the area underneath his bed.

"Did you check under the bed?" I asked.

Alfred, who was folding a few shirts, looked over at me. "Nah. There shouldn't be anything under there. I always kept it clean for some reason, believe it or not."

I decided to check just in case. At first glance, it seemed that what Alfred had said was true. But that was before I noticed the magazines that were in the corner.

"Oh, I gotta put these with the others," I mumbled, and grabbed them. As soon as I could see them in better lighting, I looked down and read the cover.

It was a naked girl on a motorcycle.

I dropped both issues out of surprise, and involuntarily gasped. First of all, it was a naked woman. Second of all, Alfred told me that he was gay. Was he lying to me?

"What's wrong, Kiku?" Alfred walked over, presumably because he heard me gasp and drop something. His eye fell to the things that I had dropped on the floor.

"Oh, shit. Um...those are…" His voice trailed off as he picked them up and grinned sheepishly. "My Dad got me those?"

He formed it to sound like a question, so I knew it was an obvious lie. He was just trying to think of an excuse.

"Alfred, you told me you were gay."

"I am!"

I raised an eyebrow and pointed to the magazines in his hand, an unamused look plastered on my face.

Alfred groaned. "I know it may not seem like it, but...I had no interest in those girls. I never did. I just...ugh, sit down. I'll tell you."

I did as I was told, and Alfred sat down next to me. He buried his face in his hands, then let out a sigh.

"You still like me, right? You promise?"

I rolled my eyes and leaned forward, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Okay, good. Then what I'm about to tell you won't be weird. I just...I never understood why I didn't like girls. My dads always told me I don't have to be gay like them, even though I think they're both bi or whatever, so I took it as 'Alfred, you're not gay like us.' So one day I went out and got those magazines. Papa saw the receipt and asked me about it. He sounded so happy that I was exploring my sexuality or whatever, so I just tried to look at them."

He laid back on the bed. "But I didn't like them. I was looking at the bikes, not the girls. When I played video games with girls in them, I didn't like them. And I had no clue what I liked. I never liked any of the guys I saw, either. And then I...I...and then I met you. And I felt all these butterflies in my stomach. I just saw your face and...I knew. You're the only person I've ever liked, and you're male, so...yeah. When you said you were gay, I felt this little bit of happiness. Like 'Oh good, I have a chance with him.' And I knew that thinking that... I just wanted you to know I liked guys too, in case you ever wanted to date me." He closed his eyes and scoffed. "But who would want to date me, right?"

I laid back on the bed and wrapped my arms around him. Alfred didn't deserve to feel like someone would never love him, because I did. I slowly brought my face closer to his, and pushed my lips against his own. Soon we were actually kissing each other, not just a quick peck like we had done all the other times. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. And there we sat, on his bed, kissing each other as much as we could. I pulled away for air first, and stared at that beautiful face. Running a hand through his soft, golden hair, I grinned.

"I would date you."

X

The next day, I got a call from my father.

"Aiyaaa, I haven't been around lately. I am so sorry, Kiku. But I made it up to you! Come home and see."

"What is it?"

"Just come home! I have to leave soon, but I want to see my son. I also want you to see something."

So Matthew, Alfred, and I all went over to my apartment. I saw my dad's white Cadillac in the parking lot and cringed. His car was going to get broken into one day. I always told him not to flaunt our money, but he never listened.

When I opened up the door, I was greeted with with some sort of confetti being thrown in my face.

"Look, Kiku! I made an entrance for you."

I blew away the strands of paper, spitting some of it out of my mouth. Alfred and Matthew were hesitant to step up from behind me.

"What is this?!" I asked, swatting away the tendrils that were drifting in the air.

"Haha, I don't know. I found it in one of the boxes."

I looked at my father. He was wearing one of his silk shirts with the sleeves that were slightly too long, just like always. He was a short guy, just like me, so the sleeves were never the right length. He tied up his brown hair in a ponytail, much like Francis. There were more similarities between Matthew and I's fathers than I thought. They both tied their hair in ponytails, they were both excellent chefs, both adopted a son, and both of them were kinda airheaded if we're being honest. But both of them loved their son, and I suppose that's all that really matters.

"Come in, I have to leave in a few minutes. Look at the house! Some of the furniture guys set up everything."

All three of us stepped in and realized he was right. The apartment was starting to look like a real home. The living room was set up, as was the kitchen. There were not many boxes anymore, except for our personal things. My dad hung those stupid paintings that were just ugly Asian women sitting in a stream. He also installed the fireplace I said we didn't need.

Alfred and Matthew looked around in amazement, gawking at how new everything was. I wasn't that enthused if this is what my dad was giving to me as a 'making it up to you' prize.

"It's amazing, Mr...Honda?" Alfred asked.

"No, my name is Yao Wang."

Alfred thought about this for a second. "Mr. Wang...heh. Can I just call you Yao?" Matthew nudged Alfred in the ribs, both of them stifling laughter.

My dad furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "I suppose."

I walked through the house, looking at how my dad had set it up. It was nice, yes, but it didn't feel like home at all. Not yet, anyway. Suddenly, I heard a squeal coming from the living room.

"Oh my God! Al, look!"

I walked into the living room to see what was going on. My dad, Alfred, and Matthew were all in a circle and staring down at the floor. Matthew bent down and picked something up.

"They said his name was Pochi. He's a Shiba Inu puppy."

A puppy? That's what my dad bought me? I wanted to knock Matthew over, grab that dog from him, and stroke it until its fur turned raw.

"What is it?" I smiled politely and strolled over to where Matthew was standing.

"A dog! Your dad bought a dog. Look at him, isn't he cute?"

Damn right he was cute. He was adorable. The dog waved its tail ferociously, its tongue sticking out and its breaths coming out as little pants. His tiny ears sat straight up, and his eyes were focused on me. I couldn't believe I finally had my own dog.

I gingerly took him from Matthew's arms and held him in my own. I stroked his fur delicately, and the dog let out a little 'yip' sound. He placed his tiny paws on my chest and started to lick my face.

"He's yours. His name is Pochi." My dad smiled at me and ruffled my hair. I hated when he did that. "I have to go now. You can stay here if you'd like. I probably won't be home until later, so feel free to stay at their house again." He looked over at Matthew and Alfred, then went over to the door and put on his coat.

"Aiya, it's cold outside. Remember to wear a jacket, Kiku!" And with that, he slammed the door.

I rolled my eyes and sat Pochi down on the floor. He ran over to Alfred and started tugging at the bottom of his pants. Alfred chuckled, picking him up.

"Are you going to stick with the name Pochi?" Matthew asked.

I shrugged. "Not sure. But it's cute, so probably."

Alfred looked over at me. "You like cute things?"

"Yeah, why do you think I like you?"

I didn't realize that neither of us had said anything to Matthew until I heard him gasp. It took Alfred a second to comprehend why he had made such a noise, but when he did understand, he looked embarrassed.

"Do you guys date yet? Oh my God, this is what I was waiting for! Al, I knew he liked you. I tried to move things along. I spilled the soda on purpose, and you two kissed, and I'm reeeally sorry but I totally saw it, and oh...that's so cute. So you're a thing? Are you a thing?"

I don't think Alfred was expecting that sort of reaction, because he looked so shocked that he almost dropped Pochi.

"I guess we are...I don't know…" his voice trailed off, and he looked at me like he wanted me to answer.

"Yeah, sure. Not officially, but I guess."

Matthew had a genuine grin. "That makes me so happy."

Alfred's gaze softened. "You're happy, Matt?"

I felt like I was missing something, so I chose not to say anything. But Matthew's eyes were filled with a sort of warmth. Something that I had never seen before.

"Yeah. My little brother being happy is all I want."

Alfred looked both happy for Matthew and a little bit pained. He handed over Pochi to me so he could pull his brother in for a hug. I felt like the two were having a moment, so I backed away and instead focused on Pochi. He was yawning, and I looked around for a doggy bed. My dad left me with a dog and no instructions. All I knew was its name. Fantastic.

I walked up the stairs to see if he put Pochi's things in my room. After all, I would need to feed him. And didn't my dad say something about staying the night with Matthew and Alfred? How was I going to do that if I now had a puppy to take care of? He hardly ever thought anything through.

I went into my room, which was nearly finished. My dad left the box of my personal items on the bed for me to unpack myself. I still hadn't put them away, even when we first arrived. I was too busy putting my clothes into the drawer and finding the sheets to make my bed.

I set Pochi on the bed. He walked around in circles until he plopped down and rested his head on his paws.

The box had something in it that I really wasn't sure if I wanted to see. I had planned to set it on my nightstand, but I didn't know what that would trigger. Nevertheless, I pulled back the cardboard and lifted out the item that I knew was on top.

I ran my fingers down the cool metal of the frame. The picture was old and worn, but it was the only one that I had of them. I was only a few years old in the photo, smiling with that big grin that I used to have. My parents were each holding one of my arms and swinging me up in the air. I remember a family friend taking the photo when we all went to the park one day. My dad would always push me on the swings, and my mother would take me for rides on her shoulders.

But after what happened, after I saw them, I couldn't remember many good things. All that flashed in my mind was their faces. My eyes adjusting to the people that were gathered around me. Looking down at the ground, seeing my parents a few feet away from me. Their faces...oh God, their faces…

I gasped for air and started clutching my chest. I was breathing heavily, and I felt like I was drowning. I set the photo face down and felt tears running down my face. I didn't like to be taken back to that day. The memory never left me, but I wish it would.

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, so I did the best I could to calm myself down and wipe away the tears in my eyes. The door cracked open, and Alfred stepped into the room.

"Hey, dude. Your dad left instructions for the dog."

I stood up, but I was still shaking. I didn't think Alfred really noticed, though. Pochi was starting to fall asleep, so I decided to go downstairs and leave him be.

When I got downstairs, Matthew was reading the back of a bag of dog food. Not looking at me, he asked, "Kiku, do you have enough credits to graduate? Since you joined on the first day of the new semester instead of in summer. I was just thinking about that."

"They told me I would. They said Biology is a yearly thing, though, so I'd have to take another semester of it next year. Library is yearly, too."

"Oh. I see. Anyway, here's the dog food. Give him three tiny cups daily. Your dad left a scoop, too."

I started to open the fridge to see what was in it, but horrible thoughts kept creeping up on me. I could still see my parents. Images of them were flashing about in my mind. I tried to push them aside and forget them, but they were still there.

_"The kid is dead."_

_"No, he's alive. He's opening his eyes. Can you hear me?"_

I shook my head, trying to get the accident out of my mind. But all I could hear were my parents.

_"Kiku, we got you this for your birthday. We hope you like it."_

_"Are his parents breathing?"_

_"Yes son, it's something you really wanted."_

_"There's no way in Hell those two are alive. Focus on the kid."_

_"It's a stuffed dog! We know you wanted a real one, but this one is just as cute."_

_"His parents are dead, oh my-"_

I couldn't hold back. My breaths were coming out raspy and quick, and my grip on the fridge handle tightened. I was losing air. This felt like every other time it had happened, except I couldn't control it. Alfred and Matthew had both started to take notice.

"Kiku? Kiku! What's happening? Oh, God…"

That's all I heard before, for the second time, I blacked out.

**I noticed a few grammar mistakes when reading through 'Through the Eyes of a Child' again. If I ever make any in my fics, PLEASE PM ME. That stuff bothers me so much. Also, I have had three people PM me asking for my gender. And you guys always say "sir/ma'am" in reviews. I am female for future reference.**


	13. Matthew

**Are you guys not excited about Pochi? I love that damn dog. I regret what I did to him in "Amerifryingpan" but it was a request, sadly.**

"Do you suffer from fainting spells?" Matthew asked as he placed a cold rag on my head. I recognized it as the fancy silk ones my father used to clean furniture. That man spent money on everything.

"Sometimes," I replied. I could usually control it whenever those things happened to me. So why couldn't I this time? I had been thinking about my parents a lot more lately.

"Is there any reason? Kiku, do you have trouble breathing?"

Yes and yes. But I didn't want them to know the reason.

"I just have breathing problems from time to time. It's not a big deal, really." Well, that wasn't a total lie.

Alfred was pacing the room nervously. Apparently he had been doing that since the moment I fainted. Matthew moved me over to the new couch and asked Alfred to grab the first rag he saw. Then, after placing the cold cloth on my forehead, I woke up.

"I'll be fine, really. Don't worry about me." I got off the couch and found that I was still slightly dizzy. Matthew cupped his arms around me in case I fell again, but I shrugged him off.

"Where is Pochi?" I asked.

"He's on your bed. Do you need any help unpacking things?" Alfred asked.

Matthew suddenly jumped in surprise. "Oh, shit. I just remembered my project. Oh my God, I have to go home and finish it."

Alfred sighed. "Matt, you do this every time we have Monday off. You think you have an extra day and hold onto that, then you forget about it entirely."

Matthew looked at the stairs, then at me. "I don't want to leave Kiku. He's coming home with us. But now that he has a dog...oh God, what do we do? Al, I need your help because it's for a science project. But...oh…"

Matthew sat on the couch and buried his face in his hands. Alfred looked around like he didn't know what to do, then pulled out his cellphone. He dialed a number and put the phone up to his ear, then placed his free hand on Matthew's shoulder.

"I'm gonna call Dad and ask if it's okay. Can you please just calm down? Don't be sad, it's okay." He looked over at me and motioned for me to sit down and comfort him as his father picked up the phone. "Dad? Hi. I have something I gotta ask you…"

Alfred walked into the kitchen and I sat down with Matthew. I expected him to be complaining, but instead I heard a faint sob. Matthew was crying? Why was he crying?

"I messed up again…" he mumbled. "I put you both in a bad situation...now we have to worry about what to do with the dog, and Alfred has to call our parents...and we have to take Pochi home...and it's my fault."

I placed a hand on his back and tried my best to comfort him. "It's okay. It's fine, really. Not a big deal. And if your dads say no, I can just stay at my house. Really, it's not your fault."

But it seemed like Matthew was totally out of it. He wasn't even listening to what I was saying anymore.

"Everyone hates my little brother because of me. I can't make myself noticed, so they all focus on him. I'm so normal looking and so plain...they hate him because of me. You're in a mess because of me…"

I was starting to get scared. This wasn't the Matthew I was used to. Alfred strolled back into the room and took notice of Matthew.

"Um, Matthew is having an episode...should I drive back? And Kiku fainted...um, yeah. I'm fine. He needs to finish his project, though. ...yeah. Okay. I'll take the dog food, bed, leash, and what else? Oh, his toys? Right, right…" Alfred gathered a few things and put them in an empty box as he spoke. "How long? For a week? Really? Dude, we're keeping the dog that long? Okay…"

I looked back at Matthew, who was starting to convulse. His hands were shaking and he sounded like he was struggling for air.

"Okay, Matt's having a breakdown. I love you. Bye." Alfred rushed over to his brother and grabbed him by the shoulders. He started to shake him lightly and tried to look him in the eyes.

"Matt? Matt, you're here. You're right here. It's Alfred. It's your little brother. I'm fine, see? Kiku is fine, too. Dad said it's okay. It's totally fine. We're going to take the dog home, okay? Stop shaking. Shhh...stop shaking. It's okay."

Matthew grabbed onto his little brother's shirt and started to cry. Alfred was hushing him and rubbing his back in small circles, then stroking his hair.

"It's okay, Matt. You're a good person. We're gonna take the dog home and you can finish your project, okay? Shhh...it's alright."

I didn't know what was wrong with Matthew, but my mind went back to that night in the bathroom.

_"...my depression meds, so don't take those…"_

I had never seen someone who was depressed like that, though. Matthew was shaking and crying uncontrollably, and it seemed so sudden. Alfred spent a good ten minutes holding him until Matthew finally calmed down.

"I'm...I'm sorry. Kiku." His voice was hitching on every word, and Alfred was still hushing him. "I'm sorry...you had to. See me. Like. This."

Alfred pulled his brother in for a hug again. "Go get Pochi," he told me. "I'll take Matt to the car and get the box. You just get the dog."

I nodded, feeling slightly nauseous. I woke up front fainting, only for Matthew to have some sort of panic attack. How was Alfred able to keep it all under control in the situation? He was way more mature than I had realized. I climbed the stairs up to my room and sighed.

I tried my best not to wake up Pochi as I scooped him up in my arms. Really, he was too cute. His little eyes opened slowly, and I started to rub his tummy. "Go back to sleep," I whispered as I pet him gently.

I walked downstairs and saw Alfred holding Matthew bridal style. He was holding a box with a handle in one hand as well. Matthew appeared to be sleeping, but I could see his eyes fluttering open. He was holding onto Alfred's shirt and breathing slowly. Alfred turned his head to tell me to come on, and I did just that. Locking the door behind us, I looked at Matthew.

"What happened to him?"

"Hyper emotional empathy," Alfred replied plainly as we descended down the stairs and walked to the car. "That's what Dad calls it. He feels too much for other people. Also blames everything on himself. It started to get really bad after our dads got married and he had to spend all his time with me. I think he blames himself for people being assholes to me. Then he fucking freaks out and ends up like this. Not every time, just when he's feeling kinda overwhelmed. I think he blamed himself for having a problem with taking the dog home. It's weird. Can you open the door?"

I opened the back door of the car and Alfred laid Matthew across the backseat. He was still breathing very slowly, but appeared to be asleep now.

"He said something about depression medication...is he depressed?"

"Yup," said Alfred as he opened the passenger door for me. "He's got everything. You'd never know it, though. The guy tries really hard to hide it. And it's never for the best."

I got in and pulled the seat belt across my waist. Looking down at the seat, I could see a small soda stain that was still there. Matthew did that on purpose for Alfred and I to sit together…

"He told me he gave you Kuma."

I looked over at Alfred as he turned the keys and put the car in reverse. "He actually doesn't let anyone touch that bear, and he fuckin' gave it to you. He said you were sad. If he gave you Kuma, he must have really wanted you to feel happy. That bear is everything to him, man."

I thought about the stuffed polar bear Matthew had given to me. It broke my heart to know that Matthew also had his problems, just like Alfred. Matthew had been just as kind to me as Alfred had. He helped me find my class on the first day, he tried to push our relationship, he gave me his favorite thing just to get me to stop crying, he paid for my movie ticket, he helped me get the medicine I needed, he was always concerned for me whenever I fainted...the list went on. And I never really thought about it. I never really noticed. Matthew always did everything he could for people, and nobody noticed him.

X

"Glue that little piece of paper to that corner. The one about the mitochondria."

Alfred and I were sitting in his room, putting together Matthew's science project. Everything was done except for a little bit of writing and glueing. I decided to draw a few pictures, since I'm a fairly good artist, and Alfred was just cutting and pasting things because he was apparently a horrible artist. Everything was on a giant poster board. It was for 'Physical Science', as Alfred had called it. Matthew was advanced and took higher classes, but sometimes he struggled to remember everything.

We heard a knock on the door and Alfred told them to come in. It was Francis, and he was carrying two bowls.

"Thank you for doing his project. Please tell him that he helped you. He won't remember much, and I don't want him to feel guilty about it. Here's some ice cream. I made it for Matthew since he loves it so much. But Alfred, I know how much you love ice cream. Kiku, I made a bowl for you, too. Homemade."

Alfred held a paperclip in his teeth as he glued down another piece of paper. "Dude, I'm totally gonna hug you. Thanks."

Francis laughed and set the bowls on the ground next to us. It looked like mint, and I really loved mint ice cream.

"Did you make any for Dad?" Alfred grinned.

Francis walked to the door and scoffed. "Please, he won't even touch that stuff. He will touch that dog, though. Pochi, was it? He loves him. Kiku, your dog is downstairs whenever you feel like prying him from my husband."

"Thank you for setting up everything for him and keeping him here while I stay. I'm sorry about everything. My dad just doesn't think sometimes before he does things." I sighed and picked up an eraser to get rid of the line I just drew.

Francis chuckled. "It's okay, really. We like anyone who is friends with our sons. Well, I'm gonna go downstairs. Check on your brother, okay? And Kiku, if you feel lightheaded again, please tell Alfred so he can come get us. Enjoy your ice cream, you two."

He shut the door behind him. Alfred got up and wiped his hands on his jeans, then extended a hand to me. I took it carefully, and Alfred lifted me up.

"Let's go check on Matt."

We went across the hall and into Matthew's room. He was sitting up against the pillows and eating a bowl of ice cream. The room was completely dark except for the soft glow of the television, which was turned to a low volume.

"Heyyy…" Matthew's voice croaked. "Sorry about earlier."

"Matt, stop apologizing. You apologize way too much."

Matthew shrugged and ate another bite of ice cream. "I don't remember much. I remember panicking...I remember the dog...I remember Pochi...and we were at Kiku's new house, right?"

"Yeah. And then you came home and finished your science project," Alfred told him. He reached over Matt's head and started adjusting his pillows.

"I did? I don't remember that…"

"Yeah," I said, trying to contribute. "You said you had to finish some project when we got home. So you did that, but then you got exhausted and had to lie down."

"Oh…" Matthew frowned. "I guess this one was really bad. I don't remember any of that."

Alfred and I shot a quick glance at one another.

"Well, it's okay. Everything is cool now, right? Do you feel like going to school tomorrow? Both of you, actually…" Alfred looked at Matthew and I worriedly.

Matthew squinted at me. "Kiku...I remember Kiku falling...and I took him to the couch. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine!" I realized I spoke a little too quickly, and Matthew's eyes widened in surprise. "I mean, you're the one I'm kinda worried about. I should be asking you that."

Matthew took another bite of his ice cream. "I can go to school. Kiku?"

"Yes, I'll be fine."

Alfred didn't look like he believed either of us, but he complied. Matthew shooed us out, telling us that he was fine, and we eventually left.

When we got back into the room, Alfred flopped down on the bed. He must have been tired from dealing with two people who passed out on him all of the sudden. I sat down next to him, and he took my hand in his own.

"Kiku, just tell me. Why are you always fainting? You've done it twice since I met you."

"Breathing problems."

"Like asthma?"

I sighed and leaned back on the bed. "Not quite."

"Then what happened?" Alfred asked, staring into my eyes. I figured the least I owed him was an explanation, especially after he had to deal with everything. He had told me the story behind his scars, so I needed to tell him about mine.

"It was an accident. I was crushed, and it damaged my bronchial tubes. Now I pass out really easily when I panic or run for too long. My doctors told me to build up endurance, but...I never tried to. And being hugged will bring me back to it...I can't do anything now without panicking. I can't."

Alfred didn't know if he should hug me or not, so he ran a hand through my bangs and pushed them back. "It's okay," he said, kissing my forehead. "Matthew has his problems, you have yours, and I have mine. Everybody has their scars."

**There's a reference to the episode where America breaks his leg by landing on his face when he's running to get ice cream in there. And the fact that Canadians apologize too much. And wowza, total drama happening in this chapter. And more to come! Everyone is wondering what happened with Kiku and his parents. Someone actually asked me if it was Hiroshima. You know this is modern day, right? Tell me what you think happened!**


	14. Ludwig and Gilbert

**I have decided to release one chapter a day, probably in the evening. Sometimes I MIGHT have two a day. That's a good rate, right? I don't want to update TOO fast. And this fic will be 25 chapters since a few people asked.**

"Ah, Kiku! It's a little odd to see you in class now, huh?"

I looked at Miss Hedervary, who had just placed her hand on my shoulder. I still wasn't entirely awake yet, since it was the early hours of the morning. I nodded my head and yawned.

"Get enough sleep?" she asked.

"Mhm," I said groggily, and dragged myself over to my desk. Alfred trailed behind me, being careful to keep his head down.

Once we sat down at our table, we looked down and saw what we were doing.

Dissecting frogs.

_Today we will begin our frog dissection unit. This is worth about ten points of your final grade, so much sure to take your time! Each part of the frog must be clearly labeled…_

Well, this was going to be gross. I looked at Alfred, who was grinning as he read the paper. I guess he was really looking forward to this. But what I was waiting for was for one student to eventually stand up in protest and tell us how wrong this all was.

"Wait, we're dissecting frogs? Miss Hedervary, that's so wrong!"

There we go.

"It's not; they're already dead," said Miss Hedervary as she typed away nonchalantly at her computer.

"A-are you for stem cells? Those are babies, so this is no different!"

Miss Hedervary sighed, sounding exhausted. "I am pro stem cells, so your argument is null and void. Michelle, sit down and stop complaining."

Alfred leaned over and whispered, "My dad watched her when she was little. She kind of annoys me. Everyone says she's always after all the guys in the whole school, but I think they all just like her."

The girl sat down with a huff. She adjusted the red ribbons in her long, dark hair, which was up in two pigtails. She smoothed out her sky blue dress and crossed her legs, trying to keep her dignity intact.

"Now, who is ready to dissect some frogs?"

X

I still felt nauseous from earlier. The smell was way too much to handle, and Alfred was worried I might pass out again. I was happy to be in the library, away from the smell of chemicals.

"Hey, Kiku!" said Feliciano as he strolled over. I gave a half-hearted wave, still sick to my stomach.

"Are you alright?" Feliciano frowned. "Want me to check your temperature?"

"I'm fine, we just had to dissect frogs and it made me feel...kinda sick."

I could have sworn I heard the sound of Ludwig holding back vomit from behind the desk.

"Frogs? Why is that bad? Oh, the smell."

I nodded and rested my head on the table. I was stamping books, but I wasn't really in the mood for working. Nevertheless, I picked up the stamper and resumed my job. Feliciano sat next to me started to hold open the books for me so I could stamp them.

"It'll get done faster this way! Antonio said we could all go get snacks and drinks from the vending machines if we finish early. Maybe a white soda will help with your stomach! Oh, and get a soda for Alfred. I noticed he likes it from when we were at the movies."

Feliciano was a really sweet boy, in all honesty. Slightly annoying, but he meant well. I could see why Ludwig liked him. Feliciano brought out the caring side in him, the one that most people probably wouldn't see with a giant such as Ludwig.

"Sure," I said, smiling.

After we finished the books, we took out our money and counted it up. I had two dollars, and Feliciano had a five. Lovino asked for Feliciano to pay for his snacks, since he had no money, but Feliciano didn't mind. Ludwig had a few dollars and offered to buy Antonio a drink.

As we walked down the hall, I noticed just how much taller Ludwig was than Feliciano. He must have been nearing six feet, and Feliciano wasn't much taller than myself. I wonder how they kissed? It felt like Alfred and I, with Alfred being a whole head taller than me.

Once we reached the vending machines, Ludwig went to the corner of the cafeteria where the drinks were. Feliciano and I stayed at the end of the hall to get the snacks.

"E...4." Feliciano punched some buttons, and a candy bar fell out. "I always tell my big bro to eat something a little more healthy so he can grow up to be tall like me, but he just tells me to shut up."

I wasn't sure what I wanted, so I just asked Feliciano to pick something he thought tasted good. I was still unfamiliar with American snacks. As he started to look inside for something, a hand slammed up against the side of the vending machine.

"It's the transvestite and the faggot," said a voice coming from the left of me. I didn't even look, because I knew it was a kid from my gym class. I felt Feliciano's hand grab the fabric of my shirt. He was obviously scared, and I had no idea what we were going to do. If I remembered correctly, this kid was nothing but pure muscle. Feliciano and I were way too weak to do anything to him, so our best option was to run.

"Please don't hurt us!" Feliciano cried. I watched as a hand grabbed him roughly by the collar.

"What are you gonna do, faggots? That kid with the silver hair ain't here to throw anything at me this time."

I was contemplating if I should punch him or not when I heard a loud thump coming from behind the kid. He immediately let go of Feliciano and started rubbing the back of his head.

"No, but that kid's little brother is right here. And I will hurt you a lot more than he ever could."

Ludwig stood behind him, a few soda cans in his arms. He had one that he looked like he was ready to throw, and that's when I looked down and noticed the one that was already on the ground. The top had busted open and soda was leaking and spraying out all over.

The kid from my gym class turned around and noticed the muscle-bound German that was now hovering over him. He raised his hands in a defensive position, and started to plead for his life.

"Give my boyfriend a dollar. The one with the brown hair that you grabbed."

The kid did as he was told, scared out of his mind. He brought out a one dollar bill in a shaky hand and extended it to Feliciano.

"Now go get some paper towels and clean up this soda you made me throw at you."

The kid nodded as fast as he could and ran into the nearest bathroom. Ludwig stared at Feliciano with a worried expression and set down the soda cans as fast as he could.

"Are you okay?" he asked, enveloping Feliciano in a hug.

I watched as Feliciano's face melted into an expression of pure happiness. He stepped back and took Ludwig's hands in his own, rubbing his small fingers over Ludwig's enormous ones. Ludwig was still looking concerned, but Feliciano didn't care. He was just happy that Ludwig came to save him.

I wondered when Alfred and I could be like that.

X

"A soda? For me?"

Alfred took it from me with a huge grin on his face. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Feliciano thought of getting him one, not me.

We started on our usual routine of eating lunch by the statue of Feliciano and Lovino's grandpa. Speaking of Feliciano, I thought about he and Ludwig's relationship.

"Alfred, when will we ever...be a couple?"

Alfred nearly spit out his soda. He turned to me with a look of bewilderment.

"A _what_?!"

I was immediately embarrassed for asking. "N-nothing," I said, sipping my juice. I didn't think Alfred was going to respond in that way.

"Do you...want us to?"

I stopping drinking for a moment. What did he say? Did Alfred want to be a couple? I looked down at my lunch and tried to avoid his gaze. Best to answer the question honestly.

"Y-yeah...I'd like for us to be officially 'dating' or whatever…I mean I wasn't sure what we meant when we were at my house yesterday, but...I'd like to go out on an actual date," I mumbled.

I was suddenly met with Alfred wrapping his arms around me and nearly knocking me over. I was trying my hardest to save my poor drink, which was spilling juice all over the grass.

"Yes! Yes, let's go on a date! Kiku, do you want to be my boyfriend? Do you want to go out with me? For real, like a real couple? Oh, thank God you asked, b-because I didn't really know where we were standing either, and then you said that, and I mean I know you liked me and all and I know we kissed and oh my God I-"

I cut Alfred off by kissing him. I didn't want to have some sort of makeout session at school, especially with the possibility of other kids seeing us, but it was the only way to get him to be quiet and give him my answer.

"W-wow, you want to date me?" Alfred's voice cracked in an adorable way, so he cleared his throat and frowned.

I rolled my eyes and pushed him off of me. "Yes, you dork. Tomorrow?"

Alfred couldn't hide his huge smile.

"Yeah, tomorrow."

X

When I stepped into the classroom for third period, I was met with a rare sight.

Matthew was asleep on his desk.

Matthew always seemed like the hardworking type, never one to slack off or let his problems get in the way of his schoolwork. Then again, after seeing a certain side of him last night, I wasn't really sure of anything about him. He was fast asleep, but nobody really took notice of it. Not even the teacher, who closed the door behind me to indicate that class was starting.

I sat down next to Matthew and tried to wake up him, but to no avail. It seemed like because of his rough day yesterday, he didn't get much sleep. Come to think of it, he seemed slightly off this morning as well. He wasn't really answering my questions and looked like he was going to fall asleep just eating breakfast.

"Matthew," I whispered. "Hey, Matthew. Get up."

Nothing.

The lights were turned off, and a powerpoint presentation flickered to life on the board. We were taking notes, and I didn't want Matthew to miss them. I sighed and pulled out two sheets of notebook paper.

Writing notes twice helps you to remember them, I guess.

X

Gym class was arguably the worst class of the day. Of course I got called a 'tranny' again, and Alfred was picked on for his body. I could tolerate the first, but not the second.

"I know that I am scrawny, so I cannot do much. But for you to pick on Alfred…" I mumbled with my fists clenched. Alfred must have heard me, because he shook his head at me.

"Don't say anything to them," he whispered.

So I didn't. Instead, I pulled out my phone and scrolled down my contact list.

_Where are you?_ I texted.

_almost to class. u want anything haha_

_Well, Alfred is getting picked on and I got called a tranny again. Hold on, I think they're making fun of Ludwig now._

"This kid just fucking slams me in the head with a soda can. I didn't even do anything; I was just talkin' to them. And he made me clean up the damn soda that he hit me with."

I rolled my eyes and pulled my shirt over my head. I knew it was all nonsense, but that I couldn't say much about it. Alfred could probably beat the hell out of them, but he was as gentle as a flower and wouldn't hurt someone if he wanted to.

"All because that stupid fucking tranny and his…friend…"

Everyone grew silent at the sound of someone approaching from outside the locker room. There was the sound of something being kicked over, along with some muffled yelling. A voice came closer and closer to the door, until it finally opened.

"...fucking kill him! Who is it, Kiku?"

Gilbert stormed into the locker room, eyeing everyone in sight with an enraged expression. His stance showed that he was definitely out for blood, and wasn't going to listen to any pleas of mercy.

"Which one of you thinks he has the balls to pick on my little brother, huh? And my friends? Oh ho, you've got another thing coming."

There sat a group of half dressed boys, scared out of their minds that this angry albino kid was going to beat them all up. Some of them were even clutching to one another in fear, and I swear I heard someone remark that clustering together was gay. I couldn't help but stifle laughter as Gilbert looked at every last one of them. Some would back up in surprise whenever he looked, and others would turn their gaze elsewhere.

"I swear to God, I will kick your ass if you talk shit about my brother or my friends again. Got it? I don't want anything to do with you people anymore. Go back to getting dressed and shut the fuck up."

The boys did as they were told, nearly falling over one another in the process of scrambling around. I wondered why everyone was so scared of the two brothers when they seemed nice enough to me.

"Hey," said Gilbert, now with a neutral expression. "I got your texts. Kiku, you alright? Alfred?"

Alfred and I both nodded, still taking in what had just happened. This was the second time today someone had stood up for me and a friend. And they were brothers. I almost laughed at how ironic that was.

"Well, good. If they ever give you any trouble, just let me know." He whirled around suddenly. "Hey, hey! What are you all starin' at? Get back to changing, you assholes."

"Thanks, Gilbert," said Alfred. "You didn't have to do that…"

"I didn't have to, but I did! Right?" Gilbert slammed his palm onto Alfred's back, which in turn made Alfred wince.

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks." Alfred packed away his clothes into his bag, and everyone started to shuffle out of the locker room. I was about to leave when Alfred stopped me.

"We're still on for the date tomorrow, right?"

"Of course," I replied.

I smiled. Alfred really was just too cute.

**Ah, sorry it took so long for an update. Life happened to me, and I ended up taking all day. Here it is! I'll try to do two chapters tomorrow to make up for it, but no promises.**


	15. Dinner Date

**Hello everyone! Time for an update, eh? My mother informed me today that she found my fanfic account and has read my stories. So Mom, if you're seeing this, know that there's a makeout scene ahead. Also never read Amerifryingpan.**

I looked in the mirror and tried my best to straighten my dad's old tie. This was it. I was going on a date with Alfred. He told me that he wanted to eat in a restaurant, but he was too scared. However, where we were going was going to be a surprise. He dropped me off at my apartment so I could get ready and he could 'pick me up, just like a real date.' I wasn't sure of what to wear, so I just found one of my dad's suits. He was only an inch taller than me, so it fit me pretty well. The suit was a grayish black, and the only tie I could find that wasn't tacky was a red one. I hoped it looked good enough and I didn't seem like I was about to get on a stage and do a comedy act.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out. A text from Alfred.

_Hey, I'm outside. Come out whenever you're ready._

I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror one last time. Sometimes I wished I were a girl so I could at least wear some makeup to make my face look nicer. All I could do was push my bangs to the side and hope for the best.

As I descended the stairs, I wondered what Alfred would be wearing. I hoped that I didn't overdress. And the whole time I walked down the stairs outside, would he be staring at me? I felt my face flush just thinking about it.

I opened the door and took in a shaky breath. The air was quite cold and dry, and I was met with a strong gust of cool wind in my face. I locked the door behind me while shivering, then went down the stairs as fast as I could. I was cold, but I also didn't want to see Alfred eyeing me from inside his car.

I pulled the door open as fast as I could and climbed into the passenger seat. Closing the door behind me, I heard Alfred's voice.

"You cold?"

I turned around to answer him, but was met with a sight I couldn't possibly imagine.

Alfred looked stunning.

He was wearing a dark blue suit that fit the contours of his body perfectly. His wide shoulders were clearly accentuated by the way the jacket was sewn, and the suit was tapered in all the right areas. It showed off his muscular, broad build. He also appeared to have his hair ever so slightly pushed back with a little bit of gel, and I suddenly felt self-conscious in my dad's old suit with nothing extra done to my appearance.

"Kiku…" he said in a breathy tone. "You're so handsome."

I could feel my face growing hot as he continued, getting excited. "I-I get to take the cutest boy in the whole world on a date! God, I'm so happy." He was grinning bigger than I had ever seen before as he put the car in reverse, mumbling about how lucky he was.

"Alfred...you look so...beautiful in every single way...I'm not even sure of how to put it into words, but…" My voice trailed off as I felt Alfred stopping the car and putting it in park. We sat in total silence for a moment. Alfred was looking down and wringing his hands.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked.

I slowly leaned across the seat to bring myself closer and Alfred did the same. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and felt his hands reach up and cup my face delicately. I closed my eyes as our lips brushed together, and savored the moment of Alfred and I being completely alone. I didn't think we would go much more than just a small kiss, but we were both caught up in the moment.

His hands went down and grabbed my waist, so I lifted my legs up and wrapped them around him, unsure of what I was supposed to do. Alfred didn't protest as he broke away for air, then went right back to kissing me. He grabbed at the back of my head as I leaned back onto my seat, Alfred following on top of me. I was never the best person with kissing, but I tried my hardest to kiss Alfred back. He was doing most of the work, but I wanted to show him that I could do something too.

So I pulled away from him and instead brought my lips to his neck.

"K-Kiku?" Alfred murmured nervously.

I ignored his comment and instead attempted to emulate what I had seen in a few movies. I slowly put my mouth to his collarbone, starting out with light kisses. Alfred shuddered slightly and tilted his head back. I took that as a sign to continue, even though I wasn't sure of what to do next. Moving my mouth up to his neck, I started to run my fingers through his hair. I didn't want to mess it up, but God I wanted to touch him. Alfred gripped my waist tighter. His breath was coming out slow and ragged, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

I pulled my lips away from the area right below his jaw and frowned. "Is there something wrong?" I asked.

Alfred shook his head as fast as he could. "N-no! Nothing! K-keep going…"

I wasn't too sure of how to kiss properly. I wasn't even sure if I was doing anything right. All I knew was that Alfred didn't stop me, and actually wanted me to kiss him. He actually liked me, really liked me, and wanted me to be with him.

"Okay," I said, wrapping my arms around him once more.

X

"Where are we going?" I asked as I looked in the mirror. I tried my best to smooth down my hair, which was sticking up all over the place.

"You'll see." Alfred had his eyes focused entirely on the road after what had happened. After our little session had fully hit Alfred, he immediately sat up and stated that we needed to get to our date. He looked extremely embarrassed at the fact that we had lost control of ourselves for a moment. I didn't really mind, though, because he would occasionally take one hand off the wheel to hold my own.

I looked out the window to see all these cars whirring by. All of those cars contained people, and I thought about that for a moment. I would never know these people, and they would never know me, but...I wondered about their life. The drivers of the cars around us all had a story. You always view yourself as the main character of life, but...everyone else views themselves in the same way. They view you as just a side character in their life, just like you do them. All of these cars contained memories, thoughts, hopes, and dreams. Everyone has a past, a backstory. Every single person that you speak to.

I started to take notice of the things around us as well and frowned. Everything seemed so familiar. Like we had driven this way before.

"Kiku, reach in the backseat and get that cloth I have. Should be a red one."

I looked in the back and sure enough, there was a single red bandana. I pointed at it, confused as to what he wanted me to do with it.

"Blindfold yourself," he said.

I wasn't too keen on blindfolding myself, but I did it anyway. Alfred was trying to be cute and make everything a surprise, and I wasn't going to argue.

"Okay, can you see?" he asked once I was finished.

I merely nodded at the risk of sounding stupid when my voice would be all muffled.

"Good. Almost there."

After a few minutes, I could feel the car coming to a stop. I could hear Alfred getting out and running to my side of the door.

"Grab my arm," he said as he opened the door. I tried my best to hold onto him, considering I couldn't see very well. Alfred grabbed ahold of my elbows and helped guide me out of the car.

"Okay, walk with me. Hold on."

I could feel us walking up a slight hill, and felt the warmth of a light the closer we got. Alfred eventually let go of me to open up the door.

"Okay," he said as he took off the blindfold. "Here we are!"

I looked around me, taking in where we were. It seemed familiar, yet different. I finally realized after looking around that it was Alfred's house. Yet there were more decorations in it than usual. Candles littered the room, casting the entire house in a soft glow. A table, complete with a tablecloth and candelabra, was laid out in front of me. I could have sworn I heard violin music playing from somewhere in the living room.

Alfred smiled and took my hand in his own, leading me to our seats. He pulled out my chair for me, and I couldn't even hide the fact that I was smiling at how dorky he was.

"My Papa made the dinner...but I set everything up myself." Alfred was pulling at his collar with one hand and tapping his fork on the table with the other.

"It's very nice. I like it." I looked around to see what else Alfred had done. I noticed a cluster of sheets and pillows gathered in the living room.

"What is that?" I asked.

"A p-pillow fort. We can watch Captain America. The second one. But after dinner...if you want to. I mean, we don't have to. Just if you want to."

"Sounds lovely."

"Lovely? Oh, yeah...I did try to make it lovely. I Google searched everything. They said candles and nice music were two good things to do. And I went out and bought a candelabra...I couldn't really decide between the silver or the gold one, but I went with the silver. Do you hate it? If you don't like it then we can just get rid of it."

"Alfred, I like it. I like everything. Thank you very much." I sat up straight and tried to smile as elegantly as I possibly could. Alfred put all this effort into the date, and I was so grateful for everything he had done for me.

"God, you're so attractive. I just don't know what to do…the cutest boy I've ever seen is sitting here with me...on a date..." Alfred crossed his hands and set his head down on top of them. He was obviously nervous about what I thought, even after I assured him everything was going well.

"Bonjour, lovebirds! I have come to bring you your food."

Francis emerged from the kitchen, carrying two plates of what looked like a few scallops with sauce drizzled on top. The food didn't seem very abundant, but you get what you pay for.

"Here you are!" said Francis cheerfully as he set the plates down in front of each of us. "Enjoy your meal."

This was a meal? I stared at the small portion in front of me.

"French cuisine is still a mystery to me sometimes," I said with a sigh. Despite this, I lifted my fork to try a taste.

"Well it's better than Kid Cuisine, right?" Alfred let out a nervous laugh.

"What?"

"Nevermind."

Halfway through eating our tiny meal, Alfred suddenly sat up. He looked quite shocked, as if he had just remembered something.

"I-I forgot…" he stammered. "Hold on…"

He darted across the room and over to the stairs, running up them as fast as he could. I heard the sounds of things being flung around, followed by Matthew yelling.

"Al, what the hell?"

"I forgot them...aw, man!"

"Did you forget the flo-"

"Yes, I forgot the flowers!"

Not a moment later, I heard him rushing down the stairs, practically running.

"H-here!" He thrust at me a bouquet of the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen in my life. They were a blackish color, a color that I never would have thought to be beautiful on a flower. There were so many petals on each one that it looked as if there were a million of them bunched up together like black feathers.

"They're black chrysanthemums. I hope you like them. I heard that's what your name means. 'Kiku' is chrysanthemum. A-and they're black because it...reminded me of your hair…I-I mean you wouldn't normally think black hair is beautiful...but on the right thing...or person...yeah..." His voice trailed off as he looked away and handed them to me.

I took the flowers without a single word. Alfred had researched my name just to pick out the proper flower for me. I didn't really know what I could say.

"Thank you, Alfred."

X

After dinner, Arthur came along and cleaned everything up. I felt horrible that he was doing that, because I liked to clean up after myself. However, Alfred told me Arthur had volunteered.

"He's just really happy I have someone who likes me. So he told me he would clean up. Don't worry about it."

Once we were in the pillow fort Alfred had made, I decided to ask him the question that was lingering in my mind.

"Alfred, what do you think of yourself?"

Alfred stopped himself from selecting the 'play movie' option. "Huh? Like, appearance?"

I nodded.

"Oh...not that highly, I guess. I mean, look at me and tell me I don't look gross. I guess when you hear so many people say things, you believe it yourself. And I see all these people who have such nice skin...I don't know. I don't think I'm that much of a catch, if that's what you're aski-"

I couldn't listen to him continue. I leaned over and kissed him where his right eye would have been, right on his facial scar. Alfred put a hand up to his face with a look of bewilderment. Suddenly, his eye was glazed over, and his lip started to quiver. He pulled off his glasses and started to wipe at his face.

"Don't cry, Alfred!" I said with a laugh. Alfred started to laugh too, although he was still crying. He sniffed and pulled me closer to him.

"Y-you wanna w-watch a movie with me?" He hiccupped between his words.

I snuggled up against him as he hit play. Honestly, I didn't see how I got so lucky.

**Kid Cuisine is a set of meals for kids in the US. Not sure if they have them elsewhere. It has a really scary penguin mascot and the brownie/pudding part is always scorching hot for some reason. Anyway, I hope you liked your fluff.**


	16. Kiku and Alfred

**Thank you to all the wonderful reviews! But the story is already planned out, so any suggestions about what should happen next...won't happen. I'm sorry. And to the person who said they were confused on my personality after reading Amerifryingpan and then _this_...you can catch a few little jokes here and there in this fic as well. I'm not _that_ serious.**

After the movie ended, Alfred had pulled out the big astronomy book so we could look at it underneath the fort of blankets and pillows. Grabbing a flashlight from the basement, we had decided to look through it so he could show me the various galaxies. We had changed into some pajama pants and a t-shirt, because neither of us wanted to wear suits to bed.

"Andromeda," he murmured. "That's my favorite. I have a projector that shows it."

I was propped up on my elbows and listening to him going on about black holes and how some people believe they might have seen Jesus in them. "I'm not Christian…" I said reluctantly. I didn't really want to hear Alfred launch into a speech about Jesus, as I have heard Americans will do.

"I don't care," he said, turning the page. "I'm not either."

We sat there for a few minutes and looked at all the constellations. Alfred was pointing them all out to me as if I would remember them. All I could really look at was him and how excited he got whenever he saw something he liked.

"Remember when I showed your star sign? Here!" He pointed to a cluster of stars with lines drawn over them. "T-this is it."

Alfred had been stuttering a lot lately. Then again, I had only known him for about a week. Was he just nervous? Or was it something else…? I didn't want to ask and be completely rude, especially since Alfred had a pretty deep story written on him already.

"Your stuttering is very cute, you know." I decided to go with something that was the truth, but might also make him elaborate.

"Oh...i-it is? Thank you...I never would have thought that. Dad is always trying to take me to a speech therapist so I can fix it. But it only happens when I get nervous or scared. I didn't think it was that bad."

"It's not," I said as I scooted closer to him. "But are you nervous or something right now?"

"No!" His voice cracked, and he looked down at the book. "...Maybe."

I laughed, and Alfred looked at me with a serious glint behind his eyes. "Are you nervous? I mean, after we...kissed...you didn't seem that scared. A-and you like being here with me. But...you don't like being touched. Are you nervous? You don't have to touch me if you don't want to! I'll respect your space."

I smiled sadly. I supposed it was as good a time as ever to explain things to Alfred.

"Well...do you want to know why?"

Alfred looked like a curious little boy, nodding while full of curiosity.

"Okay…" I began. "I just...need to tell you about something that happened to me, okay? And I might get a little scared. So if I do, I need to stop."

Alfred tried to put on a stern and serious look as he nodded again.

"Well...I remember some of it. I was in the car with my parents. I think we were going to dinner or something...anyway, they were talking about dogs. And I could see it. There was a car that was coming right at them. It was so fast, Alfred. None of us had time to react. It was like a bullet. I remember getting flung around in the backseat. I had no clue what was happening, I just remember the sounds of my dad yelling something, and watching my mom kinda...come out of the car window a bit as the car felt like it was flying. We hit the ground hard and it felt like it was rolling, then I passed out."

Alfred was clutching a pillow in his lap now. "It was a car crash?" he asked sadly.

"Yes...and that's all I remember of it. I wasn't that old. But then I woke up, and I heard all these voices. I hadn't opened my eyes, but I could hear things about my parents being dead. Everything in the air smelled burnt and sour, and I tried my best to open my eyes and reach for someone...but I…"

I could hear my voice starting to waver as I said what happened next.

"I couldn't move. I couldn't get out. I saw the ground in front of me, but it felt like something was on me. Like I was being suffocated. My vision was blurry, but I saw my dad in his red shirt, lying on the ground a few feet away from me. I was going to say something to him...but…"

I swallowed and took in a deep breath. I could feel my throat tightening up, and it was getting harder and harder to continue.

"He was dead. His face wasn't even my dad's face. It...it looked gross and bloody. It was all mashed up, Alfred. I was so scared. And then I felt something lying next to me, so I looked over as best I could, and all I could see were these...pink rocks. And I thought that's what they were, pink rocks-"

I could feel Alfred wrapping his arms around me as gently as he possibly could. He started to rub my back and run his fingers through my hair. I held onto his shirt and tried my best not to start crying as I murmured into his shoulder.

"The car was next to me, so I looked at it and saw my mom's greenish yellow dress, the one that was her favorite. But part of it was snagged on the car. I tried to call for my mom and told her I was scared. But I saw the pink rocks on the ground...and I followed them...and it connected to my mom's torso. Those rocks were her s-s-spine, Alfred...and she was n-next to me, and her face was mangled too, and I still couldn't breathe and there were people everywhere that started yelling that I was alive...but I was laying there with my dead parents, a-and it hurt, and there was blood, and-"

Alfred was holding me tighter now. He was treating me the same way he had treated Matthew when he had a mental breakdown.

"Shh, you're safe now. I've got you. You can cry if you need to...it's alright."

I wrapped my arms around Alfred and cried for a good ten minutes or so. The whole time, Alfred was stroking my hair and even singing to me softly. After I had calmed down a bit, he pushed my bangs back and kissed me on the head.

"Do you feel better? I'm sorry that happened to you…"

I wiped my tears away with the palm of my hand, trying to stifle my smile. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. I used to get scared when anyone touched me, even my adoptive dad. But then I met you, and I didn't want to be anything except as close to you as possible. I know it's stupid to say that when I haven't even known you for that long, but I just...I want to be with you. I don't know what it is, but I do."

I was always the worst person with emotions. Hide everything was my theory. Just tell people what they want to hear, and keep everything personal to yourself. But for some reason I wanted this boy to know everything about me. I wanted him to talk to me and to hold me, which was something I had never felt before.

"You don't have to worry about that." Alfred grinned and held my hands, rubbing his thumbs on my palms. "I'm always here for you."

We sat and smiled at one another, both with a completely giddy yet comfortable expression. I felt something pulling at the bottom of a pillow, so I lifted a sheet to see what it was.

Pochi was clawing at a pillow, trying to get up onto the fort so he could be with us. His little paws weren't strong enough yet, so he kept falling backwards every time he tried.

"Here, Pochi," I said as I lifted him up. He immediately started to lick my face, his little tail wagging furiously.

"You know," Alfred said as he picked up Pochi and set him on his lap. "I've had something similar happen to me. I don't know if it would make you feel better, but...maybe you'd see that you're not alone."

"Your mother?"

Alfred scratched Pochi behind his ears. "Mhm. My mom also died right in front of me. It was pretty damn scary, to be honest. Seeing a lot of fire freaks me out now. Like campfires and stuff. It's not like we would ever go camping, anyway."

Alfred sighed and leaned on the side of the couch, which his side of the fort was up against.

"I already told you what happened, but...I...I didn't tell you the whole truth. I remember being on fire, yes. My clothes were up in flames, and I could feel my face burning. I couldn't see much of anything, because it was all just...light. Everywhere. Plus, you know, my face was on fire. The smoke was thick, and I remember they told us to not inhale it one day in school. I was fire safety day or something. But I was falling around, thinking that I was on fire and I was going to die. Then I heard someone outside my door. And a boot was just there, kicking it down. I could have sworn it was my mother, so I can remember screaming 'Mommy!' and stumbling towards her. Everything was going dark, but someone had picked me up and was running."

He sighed and looked down at Pochi sadly.

"Then I heard coughing. My mom coughing. She _was_ the one carrying me. And I could feel us slowing down before I looked up and saw the light, where some men were standing around. It was the outside. It was the door. Then I could feel us falling down, and I blacked out. I fucking woke up and found out my mom was dead. She walked around the house too much trying to find the way out and she died of smoke inhalation when she was almost there. But she saved me, so…"

Alfred's eye was glazed over, and he tried his best to smile. He ruffled Pochi's ears. "But I lived, huh Pochi? And I still go to her grave sometimes to show her that I still love her."

"Alfred...you're a very strong person," I said after a minute or so of thinking about what I could say. "I just...don't see how someone could live every day with that."

"You are too. And I just know that my mom was trying to save me. She loved me, so she would be happy to see that I made it. That was what she wanted. I'm sad that she died, but I'm not going to blame her. I would have died too if she hadn't done what she did. It wasn't in vain. She saved her son. And that's how I live with it. The only thing I can't live with is…"

He looked up in the direction of the stairs. "The scars. The burn scars. They've messed up not only my life, but Matt's. That's the thing I feel awful about. One day, we were at a public playground. And Matt finally made a couple of friends. He's not the best with friends sometimes, because nobody takes any notice of him. I think that's why he likes you. You were friends with both of us on the first day, and you never ignored him. He may not show it, but he's really grateful. Anyway, he had these little buddies. I was hiding behind this giant rock they had that all the kids could draw on. I kept my hat down and my sleeves rolled down as far as possible, and tried to stay in the shadows. I wanted Matt to have friends. But the ball they were throwing came my way, and Matt made a mistake. He tried to get me to join them. He asked me to bring the ball over and play with us, so I stepped out into the light.

I have never heard kids scream louder in my life. Some of them were crying. But Matt was immediately concerned about me, and started to comfort me. The kids told us we could keep the ball since I touched it, and I think we still have it in the garage somewhere. But Matt can never get any friends. It's been like that since we started high school, too. All he is known as is "Alfred's brother" and "the normal-looking kid, not that one with the fucked up face". I can never get any either, but it doesn't bother me very much. But Matt has all these mental issues...he needs some friends."

He looked at me. "You're a friend to both of us. You're...well, more than that to me. Thanks for eating dinner with me and watching a movie. And for kissing me...and liking me...and hanging out with me...damn, Kiku. Thanks for everything."

"I should be saying that to you." I leaned across the pillows and gave him a kiss. "You mean a lot to me as well."

"You want to make it...o-official? Like...be my boyfriend and stuff…?" Alfred started to mumble, and instead focused on petting Pochi. He was slightly flustered when it came to romantic stuff.

"Of course, you big dork. I'll be your boyfriend."

He looked at me with the most hopeful and happy expression I had ever seen. And the stars in Alfred started to shine brighter than ever before.

**Ahh, sorry it took so long for me to update. And sorry this is such a short chapter! But now you know what happened to Kiku. Also, I am doing another Ameripan AU. And I'm gonna put the synopsis here to get y'all excited for it. ;D**

**Alfred Jones is a spirit medium who got the gift from his father, Arthur. However, Alfred is absolutely terrified of ghosts and pretends that he cannot see them to stay out of their troubles. That all changes when he meets Kiku, a ghost who was murdered and needs Alfred's help.**

**So yeah. I'll be writing that after Christmas! Don't worry Ameripan fans, I gotchu.**


	17. Roderich

**AHHHH sorry I didn't update yesterday! I've been pretty sick for the past couple days and didn't really have it in me to write. I really don't right now. But I'm gonna try to anyway. There's a reference to the Hetalia character songs in this one, I hope you catch them. ;D**

For the following week or so, Alfred and I would go on dates at his house. He said that eating out or going in public always brought stares, so I suggested that we keep going with the inside dates. Luckily for me, he was always so happy whenever I suggested we spend time together again. This usually entailed watching movies, stargazing, eating dinner together, and sometimes just sitting on bean bags and playing video games. Sometimes Arthur and Francis would watch movies with us, like a "family movie night".

But...Matthew would never come and spend time with us. He stayed in his room all day, working on homework and projects galore. He was struggling so much to keep up with his classes, and it was starting to take a toll on his health. Matthew always had red eyes with dark circles under them, and it looked as if he had been crying every time I saw him. Especially the night that Alfred and I were under the pillow fort and sharing the stories of our past. I went upstairs to use the bathroom and heard him sobbing heavily from behind the door. I told Alfred, who went upstairs and said he had comforted him until he calmed down. Sometimes he just "got like that", and there was nothing anyone could do.

I tried my hardest to incorporate Matthew into everything. I didn't want him thinking that we didn't love him or didn't notice him. He wasn't really coming downstairs to eat at all, and Francis would bring a plate of food up to him. Every time Francis brought the plate back down, I saw that it had barely been touched.

Matthew said he didn't want to go to school, but he had to so his grades wouldn't slip even more. I asked Arthur what they were, and he just scoffed.

"His grades dropped from a one-hundred to a ninety! He's just sad because he has a few B's now. I don't see why."

I cared about grades as well, but not that much. I decided to ask Matthew about this personally, so he could see that someone cared. Arthur, Francis, and Alfred had all tried, but to no avail. They didn't really know what to say to him about it, so the least I could do was try. After all, how hard could it be?

I knocked on Matthew's door as softly as I could. I wasn't really sure of what would scare him or not anymore.

"Come in."

Slowly opening the door, I did my best to smile at Matthew. I'm pretty sure I just looked really creepy.

"Yes?" he asked. His eyes were tired and worn like always.

"What are you doing?"

"Schoolwork." Matthew sighed and leaned against the headboard of his bed. "Just...school stuff. Like always."

"Ah," I said, shutting the door behind me. "Anything you want to talk about? You seem kind of...stressed lately."

Matthew grimaced. He didn't want to talk about it.

"Uh, no...I'm fine. Are you worried about me? Please don't be. Am I causing you to worry?"

"No!" I didn't mean for it to sound as loud as it did, but I didn't want Matthew thinking he was being a burden. I just wanted him to tell me what was wrong.

"Matthew, please tell me. I-I'm not that worried, I'm just...curious. I can see that school has been stressing you out. Can you come downstairs and watch a movie with us or something?"

Matthew shot me a glare that I never thought I would see from him. He seemed upset and almost...hateful. Like he didn't want me including him.

"I don't need pity. I know you're all worried about me, but I'm fine, okay? I'm just pissed about school right now." He ran a hand through his long hair. "Just...go back downstairs. I have studying to do."

"Matthew, I don't want you to think we're ignoring y-"

"Get out!" he yelled. "Just leave me alone, okay? I'm fine. I just want you to go. And tell everyone else to leave me alone, too."

He looked down at a textbook and shooed me away with his hand. Stunned, I walked out of his room and into Alfred's. Alfred was sitting on the bed and reading a comic book, but when he saw me, he opened his arms for me to come and snuggle up with him.

"Were you talking to Matt?" he asked.

I crawled up on the bed and rested my head on his chest. Alfred continued to read his comic book, but wrapped an arm around my waist.

"I did. And he seemed so...mean. I've never seen him act like that before. And it was so sudden, too. He got angry with me and we only spoke for about thirty seconds."

Alfred turned a page. "Probably just upset for right now. He'll apologize later. He always apologizes."

"I don't care about the apology," I murmured. "I just want him to be healthy. The way he is right now...it's not good for him."

"He's been like this before. We do everything we can, including the whole medication thing. He eventually gets over whatever obstacle he's facing. Matt's strong. Don't worry, Kiku."

But for some reason, I wasn't so sure.

X

"Do you think their grandpa was a nice person?"

I stopped taking a sip of my milk.

"I...I don't know? Maybe? Why are you asking me?"

Alfred shrugged and looked up at the statue of the man. We were eating outside of the school just like every day, but Alfred was really focusing on the statue.

"I don't know," he said. "Probably because you know them and I don't. So like, based on them...do you think he was nice?"

"That's hard to say. If he's anything like Lovino...he's not too nice at all." I sipped my milk in thought. "But Feliciano is really nice. So maybe he was more like him. I don't know, I'll ask."

That got me thinking about this man. This 'Julius Vargas'. Feliciano didn't talk about him very much, so maybe he didn't like him. I wasn't even sure if he was dead or not.

"Is he dead?" I asked.

Alfred shrugged. "Presumably. He went missing or something."

I was about to ask him something else when we heard a familiar voice yelling at us from about fifty feet away. Dark brown hair...glasses...dorky-looking cowlick…

Yeah, it was Mr. Edelstein.

He was running toward us and I could hear him panting the closer he got.

"What...are you two...doing...out here…?"

Alfred gave him a nervous glance. "Hey, Roderich, my man."

Mr. Edelstein shot him a look. "We are now at school! You must call me Mr. Edelstein. However, when we are out of the vicinity, you may call me by my first name. Now, answer my question. What are you two doing out here?"

Oh, no. We had been caught. I knew that we really weren't supposed to leave the cafeteria, but we had been doing that exact thing ever since my first day.

"Please don't tell anyone, Mr. Edelstein," I begged him. "If we go in there...everyone likes to make fun of us."

Mr. Edelstein's expression softened. I think it was pretty clear to him why we couldn't go inside.

"That's not fair that they would make fun of you for taking your lunch instead of eating the cafeteria food. Lunchboxes can be quite odd, but it's not uncommon-"

"That's not why," said Alfred with a sigh.

Mr. Edelstein cocked his head slightly as if he were wondering what other reason we could possibly have. Finally, it looked like a lightbulb went off.

"Ah, I see! You two are homosexua-"

"My face, Roderich. My face. But yes, we're also…" Alfred looked at the wrapped cookie he had in his hand. "...dating."

Mr. Edelstein shrugged. "It does not bother me, so don't worry. However, I can see why those things may be a problem for you...and the office would not care very much about bullying of that nature...so that's why you eat out here?"

I nodded. "Yes, but...if we have to go back inside, I understand."

"Kiku, I don't know what you're talking about. You had to come out here because it's difficult for you to breathe in there with the other students, right? It's too crowded. And Alfred, the noise levels irritate your eardrum that was damaged from the fire. It feels as if it's going to explode. So I sent you two out here to eat for your health. Isn't that right?"

At first I thought Mr. Edelstein was completely stupid. But then I slowly caught on.

"Yes...that's what happened," I said with a grin. "Thanks for doing that for us."

"Do not mention it. It is alright," said Mr. Edelstein. He turned sharply on the heel of his shoe, quietly humming a tune as he strolled away.

Alfred's eyebrows knitted together. "...Wait, that's not what happened."

X

I smacked the flashlight for what seemed like the hundredth time against the palm of my hand. Finally, it flickered to life.

"Shh," Alfred whispered as we climbed down the stairs. "We have to be quiet."

Alfred had something to show me, but we apparently had to sneak out and drive somewhere when nobody else was awake. He said it was a surprise, and that I'd love whatever it was. I didn't really want to be surprised, but I went with it anyway.

"Al…? Kiku…?"

Was that Matthew's voice? Alfred and I both whirled around and saw him standing at his doorway. He was rubbing his eyes and holding a stuffed polar bear in one hand. I didn't mean for us to take away the very little sleep Matthew could get nowadays.

"Y-yeah...just go back to sleeping, okay?" Alfred tried his hardest to just urge his brother back to bed.

"Why?" Matthew was more coherent now, although he was yawning. "I'll tell Papa and Dad if you guys are going out."

"It's not a big deal, Matt!" said Alfred with a huff. "Please don't say anything!"

Matthew frowned. "I'm going to if you two don't get back into bed."

"God, Matt, why do you have to ruin everything?"

I don't think Alfred realized what he said until he saw Matt's face. His eyes were welling up with tears and his lip started to quiver.

"Fine then, asshole. Go do whatever the hell you want. I won't be a little snitch."

The door was slammed so loudly that I feared we wouldn't have to worry about their parents getting told that we were leaving, they would already march up the stairs and know. After that little display, I wanted to just go back to bed. But Alfred merely scoffed at his brother and continued down the stairs.

"I...didn't know Matthew had that in him," I said as Alfred unlocked the front door.

"Yeah, well. Even Matt can be a dick sometimes."

The cold air slapped us in the face as soon as we got outside. Alfred took off his jacket and gave it to me before we climbed into the car and turned the heater on. Christmas music started to slowly drift from the radio.

_"All I want for Christmas is youuu…"_

Alfred immediately recognized the song and started to hum along as we pulled out the driveway.

"Isn't it almost Valentine's Day?" I asked.

"Yes, but I like Christmas music a lot. I keep the CD's in my car. I wonder if they have 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas' on any of these...Kiku, do you know any Christmas music?"

"'Santa Claus is Coming to Town.'"

Alfred looked surprised. "They have Christmas music in Japan?"

"In Japanese, yes. But we still have it."

We drove for about twenty minutes until we reached what seemed like a simple meadow in the middle of nowhere. I looked around nervously.

"A-Alfred? There are people around, right?"

Alfred opened up my car door. "Nope!"

He didn't catch what I was implying. That if something happened and nobody knew where we were, it could be weeks until they found our bodies. I stepped out of the car, however, and followed him down a slightly worn path in the middle of the meadow-like forest.

"Alfred? I'm kind of scared," I said as I clung onto his shirt.

"You're scared?" He let out a boisterous laugh. "I got you. It's okay."

Eventually we reached a clearing, where it looked like a bottomless pit was in front of us. Upon closer inspection, it was a lake.

"Alfred, why are we at a la-"

But Alfred was too busy taking a little box-shaped device from his pocket. He threw the device on the ground, and it started to slowly expand.

"Step back," Alfred said, and I did as the box started to blow up more and more until it eventually turned into a large tube.

Alfred was grinning. "Ta-da!"

"Cool magic trick."

"It's not a magic trick!" he huffed. "It's a raft! Get in."

"E-excuse me?"

But I was already being picked up, bridal style, and thrown into the giant raft. Alfred started to push it off the shore and into the murky depths in front of us, which made me panic.

"Alfred, this is kind of scary. The water is pitch black."

Alfred jumped into the raft as soon as we got in. He was using a giant stick he had found as an oar, though I didn't remember him grabbing it.

"Shh," he said. "Just watch…"

"I-I don't want to. Matthew is upset now, and he was going to tell on us, and the water is freaking me out, and-"

Alfred put a finger to my lips, then gestured down to the water.

"Look."

I reluctantly looked out at the water surrounding us to see what was so special.

The entire lake was...reflecting the sky.

Stars were all around us, bathing us in their light. I didn't expect them to do so, and it didn't look like this from a distance, but…

"Alfred...is this what you…"

"Wanted to show me? Yeah. Go on, lay down and look at 'em. Whole different feeling when you're on water."

I laid down, scared that I might flip the raft over. But Alfred told me it was fine, so I peered up at the sky.

I was completely surrounded by stars all around me. Below me, above me, and the biggest star of them all was right next to me, wrapping his arms around me and running a hand through my hair. And we both sat there underneath the natural beauty of the universe, completely alone and at ease with ourselves.

Until I fell asleep.

**Poor Matt. And I'm just gonna warn you guys, some serious shit is gonna happen soon. DO NOT READ THIS FIC IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED EASILY. Also, I'm actually not sure of what Austrians think of gay people. I couldn't find anything helpful on Google. I just kind of assumed most of them are okay with it, considering they're quite similar to Germany. Also, I got a Skype message from someone saying they ship me and americalovesthecockpit...lol I'm gonna tell her when she gets home. That's hilarious.**


	18. No School

I woke up with a start. All I could remember were the stars...Alfred falling asleep...and then me falling asleep.

Oh my God, were we still in the lake?! I looked around me, panicked and in a daze.

No, I was in Alfred's room. I couldn't remember ever coming home. My mind was still a little foggy from last night. Did we ever drive home…? No, I couldn't recall doing so. At least we weren't in the middle of a lake.

I pulled back the covers and got out of bed. When did we get here? And how? I yawned as I walked out into the hall and nearly ran into Matt.

"Oh...hey, Kiku." Matt didn't really seem angry, just incredibly tired. His hair was sticking out in every direction, his eyes were completely bloodshot, and I had never seen dark circles as bad as the ones on him.

"Matthew...are you okay?"

He slid a hand down his face. "No, I was just worried all night...are you okay?"

Matthew stayed up all night just worrying about us? I couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty.

"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry."

"Well, when Al carried you up to bed, I thought something had happened. He told me you were asleep, and that I should be too. But I just can't sleep lately. I have three tests today. Three! A-and I'm not ready at all!"

He started to pace the floor and run his hands through his hair. I didn't really know what I should do, considering he may have another breakdown.

"It's my fault for thinking I could take on these advanced classes. And now I'm making everyone worry about me because of them...and I yelled at you. I yelled at Papa, I yelled at Al…"

He stopped pacing and fell, leaning against the wall and pulling himself inward. I was scared he was having another moment, so I called out for Alfred.

"Alfred? Alfred! Alfred, help me!"

I could hear Alfred running from out in the living room. "Kiku?" he called as he reached the stairs. He immediately took notice of Matt on the ground and climbed the stairs as fast as he could.

"Matt? Shh, Matt. It's okay. You're here, okay? Alright? You don't have to go to school today. You can have another day to study for your test. That's what you're worried about, right?"

Matthew rubbed at his eyes with both hands. "No, I have to go...I can't...I gotta go…" He started to nod off in Alfred's arms, and Alfred shook his head.

"He's sleep deprived…" he murmured. "Kiku, go...go call the school and ask them if school was cancelled today or not." He said the last few words in a stiff and robotic way, as if he were implying something else.

"Right...they did say that it might be."

I went downstairs and grabbed the phone off the hook. Wait, could Matthew hear me using it? I didn't really know what I was supposed to do…

"Kiku? What are you doing?" asked Arthur, who was eating some sort of charred toast. "Why are still in your pajamas?"

I looked up the stairs to see if Matthew was in our line of sight, then moved closer to Arthur.

"Matthew is breaking down because of school," I whispered. "Alfred implied that I should 'ask the school if today's school day is cancelled' or something."

Arthur set whatever food he had on the counter and sighed heavily. He motioned for me to stay where I was, then trudged up the stairs to where Matthew and Alfred were. I felt so useless, so I decided to just sit on the couch in the living room until further notice.

Eventually, Arthur came down the stairs with a tired expression on his face.

"No school for Alfred today...and you, if you don't want to go. We told Matthew that school was cancelled and he seems to believe us...but if you two leave, then what do we tell him? You know? I'm sorry that you have to miss out on school, but…"

"That's okay!" I said rather quickly. "Really, I don't mind that I don't have to go to school today. Kind of relieved since I had a test."

"Really, though...it's your first couple of weeks and you've already gotten all wrapped up in this ludicrous family. Thank you for being friends with my sons...and for giving one of them an amazing love that I thought he would struggle to find."

I was never the best person with taking compliments, so I looked away. "He wouldn't really struggle...he's way too handsome. He would have found someone no matter what."

Arthur looked as if he was going to cry. Then he coughed and pulled at his sweater vest.

"Well, we still appreciate it."

Both Arthur and Francis cared a lot about their sons, and it was made quite clear to me on a daily basis. They would never stop thanking me for associating myself with them whenever possible.

"So thank you for hanging out with Alfred, Kiku. We'll find a way to thank you." And with that Arthur retired to his bedroom. I sat back on the couch and grabbed the remote to watch something until the situation upstairs was handled.

"What was that about?"

I heard Alfred's voice behind me and turned around. His was shifting his feet nervously and looking in the direction of his father's bedroom.

"Nothing." I didn't want Alfred to hear how his father was so concerned for him. He said it 'made him want to puke' or something to that degree. "How is Matthew?"

Alfred scrunched up his face in confusion. "Fine?" he asked, as if it were a question. He came around the side of the couch and sat next to me, but distanced himself. He wasn't looking at me either.

I didn't really think too much of it and instead opted to watch the tv commercial in front of me. Something about a new whitening toothpaste.

"Alfred, isn't that the kind that you...hey, what's wrong?"

I could hear a soft sniffling coming from Alfred as he shielded his one good eye with his hand. He pulled away from me when I reached for him, which was very unusual for him.

"He paid you...didn't he…? It's fake, it's all fake." He was holding back sobs as he pulled his knees up on the couch and curled up inside himself. I was thoroughly confused as to what he meant.

"Alfred? Wha...what? What's fake?"

He whipped his head around and stared at me, a cold expression on his face.

"My dad paid you to be my friend. I heard you talking about it." His eyebrows turned upward and his lip started to quiver. "You're no different from anyone else. A-and I thought you really liked me."

"What? Alfred, no. I-"

"You're a really good actor, you know that? It's only been a few weeks and I thought you actually wanted to be my boyfriend. But you're no different from the other people my dad has paid to-"

I grabbed him by the shoulders as he tried to pull away.

"Don't touch me! You lied!"

I was seriously scared that Alfred might end up punching me in the face with the way he was trying to fight me off. I tried my hardest to grab him by the wrists as he pulled his arms away and tried to get me off of him with his knees. I had to admit, Alfred was strong. I felt like it was useless to even try.

"Alfred, listen! I have no idea what you're talking about, alright? Really, I don't! Stop making assumptions and listen to me."

Alfred stopped struggling and looked away, his one eye still swollen from crying. I held onto his wrists and still sat there on his lap, trying my hardest to find what I had to say.

"Alfred, your father didn't pay me anything. I didn't even meet your dad until after I met you! I promise, this isn't some sort of scam. It kind of hurts me that you would even think that of me…"

Alfred started to stutter and look around, as if he were really confused about what he should be thinking. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his neck the best I could.

"I promise, okay? I really like you. It's horrible that you even had to think that. But I chose to be here, and I'm not going anywhere."

I could feel Alfred hesitating, as if he were debating hugging me back. Then I felt his strong arms pulling me so tight that I thought I was going to die.

"I-I'm sorry Kiku!" He started wailing. "Y-you're such a good person. I-I'm just used to it is all."

I would laugh, but I couldn't breathe. I pulled at Alfred's collar and whispered to him.

"Choking me. You're choking me."

Alfred gasped and immediately released his grip. He looked so sad and terrified, the poor kid. First his brother had a panic attack, then he accused his boyfriend of being fake, then accidentally choked said 'fake' boyfriend.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I just...I didn't know what I was thinking. Of course you like me. But my dad...he has spent so much money trying to get me some friends in the past. I told him I didn't need that, and I thought he had finally stopped...I'm sorry!"

"Alfred, it's okay." I reached a hand up to the right side of his face and rubbed his cheek with my thumb. "Let's just go upstairs and go back to sleep, okay? You're probably stressed out from dealing with Matthew."

As we walked up the stairs to Alfred's room, I noticed how steep they were.

"You carried me up these stairs last night?"

Alfred looked down sheepishly. "Yes. You were out, man. I couldn't get you to wake up, so I just took you back home and put you to bed. Papa and Dad still don't know. I think."

Pochi came from out of nowhere and ran in between our legs. He started letting out adorable little yipping noises and tripping over himself as he tried to climb the stairs. Alfred couldn't stand watching him struggle, so he picked him up and took him up the stairs in his arms.

"Do you think I should give him to Matt while we go back to sleep? It'll make him happy."

I nodded, and Alfred looked at Pochi with a smile. We slowly opened the door to Matt's room and placed the squirming dog down on his bed.

"Look! Someone wanted to see you, Matt."

Pochi crawled across the bed and started to lick Matthew's tired face. His eyes were still bloodshot and fluttering open. Matthew raised a feeble hand and started to pet Pochi.

"Heh...hey, Pochi. Good dog."

Alfred and I smiled at one another as we shut the door. We went across the hall and into his room, where the covers were still disheveled from when we got up. I crawled into bed, trying to ignore the fact that it was already morning. Alfred decided to throw some pajama pants on instead of keeping his jeans on.

I couldn't help but look at Alfred as he was changing for a fraction of a second. The scars ran down his legs as well, but stopped around his ankle. They looked more scattered about, with some of the skin being unscathed. But most of it looked about the same as his back.

Alfred pulled on a pair of blue Captain America pajama pants to match his Captain America shirt. He grinned and crawled into bed next to me. I scooted over and snuggled up him as Alfred pulled the covers over us.

"I wonder if my parents think we're being naughty or something," he said as he closed his eyes.

"Ha! Who knows...who cares about what anyone thinks of us, really…"

We both drifted off to sleep.

X

_Bssssssst._

_Bssssssst._

I opened my eyes, feeling slightly groggy from sleeping in a little too long. My phone was going off on the nightstand, so I picked it up and looked.

_2 new messages from: Ludwig_

Ludwig? He had never texted me before. I looked over at Alfred, still sound asleep with his mouth wide open. God, he was too adorable.

I opened the texts and started to read. I couldn't see Ludwig being the 'texting type', so it was quite a surprise.

_Where are you? Where is everyone?_

_I'm completely alone in the library. I can't heard from Feliciano all night and all day._

I tapped the respond button and started to type.

_Really? I'm at home because_

I couldn't think of a good excuse. I wasn't sick, but I didn't want Ludwig to know about Matthew's private life. It was quite odd that none of us were at school today, though, so I needed a good excuse.

_the power went out. None of our alarms went off, so we just stayed at home. What do you mean you haven't heard from Feliciano?_

I didn't have to wait too long for a response. Ludwig must have had his phone in his hand. Well, he did say he was completely alone.

_He always answers me. Lovino and Antonio are not here, either. Kiku, he always answers. He never ignores me._

_Have you tried calling him?_ I answered back.

_Yes. Multiple times. Someone said that the cops were at their house last night._

I could feel my blood run cold just reading that. The police were never a sign that something good happened.

_That's not good. Go tell the office and see what they think._

_Hm. I will. Do you want to come to school after it's over so I can help you practice running?_

Oh, I remembered now. Ludwig was supposed to help me with my endurance. Well, I supposed it would help. After all, my breathing troubles had been causing Alfred and I some stress.

_Sure. Around 4._

_Great. See you then._

I looked at the time on my phone. 11 AM...well, I could snuggle with Alfred for a few more minutes.

**Sorry this one took so long. Eh. Also, to answer that one reviewer, 'Scars' Matt is asexual! He's not getting anyone. And I said I don't like PruCan. :D Sorry. **


	19. Antonio and Lovino

**PFFFFFBT. Sorry for makin' y'all wait. It was actually writer's block. I wasn't busy. People have done fanart for this fic aND IT mEANS THE WORLD TO ME oMG. Thank you so much! I'm excited to know that people like this story. And there's only six more chapters after this, so our journey is ending. I hope you'll stick around for the next fic, which will update a little bit slower and have WAYYYY longer chapters. I'll release the first chapter on Christmas! It will be called "Ghosts of The Past" and Kiku is a ghost in it. Also Ameripan. It'll be a Christmas present to y'all. :'D**

Francis decided it would be best for him to drive me, since Alfred and Matthew were a little frazzled lately. The whole time, he thanked me for dating his son.

"It's beautiful, no? All love is beautiful. I obviously think so. Ah, yes. I remember my wedding day. Arthur cried...can you believe that idiot? I love him so much...ah, here we are!"

He pulled up to the school and I hopped out. Francis said he would be back around six to pick me up. There were still a few students lingering outside because their parents hadn't picked them up yet, but they all ignored me. I made my way around the school and over to the football field where the track was.

_Bssssssst._

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, expecting a message from Ludwig. Instead, it was a text from Alfred.

_You can do it, Kiku! Just say 'yes we can'. You're my hero. :*_

Aw, Alfred always knew how to make me happy. Wait...what were these symbols supposed to be?

"Ah, Kiku. You're here."

I looked up from my phone to see Ludwig, practically towering over me. He seemed menacing, but he was secretly just a big softie.

"I have some gym equipment that Mr. Oxenstierna let me borrow. Are you ready to get started? We will warm up first."

I nodded as Ludwig and I walked over to the track around the football field, completely empty. Ludwig had a bag propped up against the fence with a jump rope sticking out. A case of water bottles sat next to it.

He sat down on the ground and we started to stretch. They were the ones we did in gym every day, though I noticed Ludwig put a lot more vigor into it. I, however, was as flexible as a rock. I couldn't do half of what Ludwig was doing, just like every other day in gym class. Ludwig took notice of this.

"Try bending your knees just a little bit. It's okay if you have short arms."

Oh, great. Me and my short little Asian arms had to cheat. I tried to stretch them as far as I could, but to no avail. Eventually, Ludwig gave up on this and decided that we should start running.

I ran down the track, starting at a slow pace. I didn't want to start going so fast that I fainted.

"Faster!" Ludwig yelled.

Damn, I thought I was going fast. I picked up the pace a little, still being careful about controlling my breathing. Was it...you take a breath in when you hit the ground with your foot? Or exhale when your arm went up? Whenever I was sent to some physical therapy for controlling my breathing, they taught me little rules for running. My dad said they were a waste of time, however, and that my breathing was just going to suck for the rest of my life. Apparently, being crushed under a car at a young age can do that to you.

"Now try slowing down!" Ludwig yelled from the other side of the track.

I slowed my pace down and realized that this was a lot better. Slowing down, speeding up, then slowing down again. Someone should tell Mr. Oxenstierna that his regime wasn't the best one out there.

I made it all the way around the track without collapsing. In fact, I was barely out of breath. I looked around in bewilderment and Ludwig smiled.

"You need to regulate yourself," he said. "You haven't been doing so. Taking breaks while running is key to avoiding over exhaustion." He then pulled out a jump rope from the bag and instructed me on how to properly use it. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I knew how.

We jumped rope for a little while until Ludwig brought out the dumbbells. Turns out I looked like T-Rex trying to lift weights with my scrawny arms. Ludwig eventually decided to turn on some music to lighten up the mood, but his face flushed when he reached for his iPod.

"Don't, uh...judge me, okay?"

I didn't know what he was talking about until 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' started to drift through the speakers. I couldn't help but laugh as Ludwig's face turned a dark shade of red.

"It's Feliciano and I's song, okay? I...I always keep it on here for him." His voice trailed off as he looked away.

I wondered if Alfred and I would ever get to have a special song just for us. We hadn't been dating that long, which made me wonder how long one must wait to get a 'couple song'.

"Ludwig, how long have you and Feliciano been dating?"

Ludwig looked like he was going to drop the dumbbell on this foot.

"Why do you ask?"

I shrugged, and Ludwig set his weights down. Story time, I guessed.

"Well...I liked him since we were children, but…" He looked over at the bag of gym equipment, embarrassment very apparent on his face. I cocked my head, which made him continue.

"I thought he...was a she."

"Feliciano? A girl?" I started to laugh louder than I had ever heard myself before. Feliciano wasn't feminine, really, just affectionate. I couldn't mistake him for female.

"Well, he wore dresses as a kid. I didn't know. I just knew that I...I really liked him. I had always liked him. And then I had to move away." He frowned. "We uh...well, we were kids, but we gave each other a kiss goodbye. And I didn't see him again for many years."

"So you fell in love with him as an adult?"

"Kind of. It was our freshman year, at the very beginning of the semester. He became my best friend, and I felt like I didn't really have anyone else. We were best friends as kids, too. Always paired together for everything. Come to think of it…" He furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "Alfred had class with us, too."

"Alfred?" I asked. Well, it wasn't that surprising, since they all lived in the same town.

"Yes. He was always paired with the teacher because nobody wanted to partner with him. Feliciano would always try to, but...I wanted to be paired with him. I feel kind of bad about it now."

He took a deep breath and continued. "Anyway, Feliciano and I spent nearly every day together. Eating lunch together, playing soccer, and I even trained him like I'm doing with you. I...asked him out on a date. He said yes, but...I don't think he knew it was a date. I gave him some flowers and...well…" He scratched the back of his head.

"The rest was history, I suppose?"

Ludwig smiled, like he was remembering something fondly. "Yes...it was. Now he means everything to me. Well, he never stopped meaning everything to me. He's always been my world."

"That's what it's been like...since I met Alfred. The second I saw him, I knew I liked him. And now I really can't imagine being without him...it sounds silly, I know." I buried my face in my hands, slightly embarrassed upon telling that to Ludwig of all people.

But to my surprise, he rested a hand on my back.

"I know how you feel," he said with a warm smile. "I knew I loved Feliciano the moment I set my eyes on him all those years ago. Just treat him right, like nobody else has. He loves you. I know he does."

I never expected Ludwig to express his feelings like that, but Feliciano told me he had a soft side. Ludwig was actually smiling at me for once, until we heard a little 'ding' sound come from his pocket.

"It's a text from Feliciano! Oh, thank God!" Ludwig stood up as fast as he could and read the text frantically. I tried kicking the dumbbell absentmindedly.

"Oh...oh, no." Ludwig's face paled as he read the text over and over again. "Oh, God. This cannot be happening. Oh...oh no…"

I looked up with a frown. "What is it?"

"Antonio got arrested. He's in holding. They found out."

X

It was kind of hard to not think about how Lovino and Antonio were doing. According to the texts Ludwig received from Feliciano, Antonio was fine. Lovino was the one who was falling apart. He kept gripping at the bars of the holding cell, but Antonio wasn't allowed to comfort him. They called him a "horrid pedophile", even though he was twenty-five and Lovino was eighteen. Ludwig decided to go over and visit them, so Francis picked me up from the school.

"Antonio? Mon dieu...I knew him when he was younger. What a shame," said Francis as we drove back to his house. "He must not have known what he was getting into...ah, how people restrict love. It makes me sad just thinking about it."

Francis had apparently gone grocery shopping, so I helped him carry in a few bags. As soon as we got in, Matthew was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh, I'll get them for you!" he said, taking the bags from my arms. I noticed that he seemed slightly...off. As if he were chipper, but in an unnerving way. It almost sent a chill through my spine. Matthew was not himself.

I studied his face closer. The dark circles hadn't gone away, and he still seemed frazzled. But there was an air of...pretending around him. He helped Francis with the groceries and even hugged him. But Matthew had been a wreck for the past week or so…

"Kiku? Is something wrong?" Matthew looked at me quizzically.

"N-no. It's nothing."

Matthew smiled. "Well, come to my room when you have a second, okay? I need to give you something."

I didn't know what Matthew could possibly have for me, but I complied. As soon as we finished putting the groceries away, we both headed up to his room. Matthew grabbed a piece of folded notebook paper from off his nightstand and handed it to me.

"Here. It's just a nice little note to tell you how much I appreciate you, okay?" He wrapped me in a hug, but for some reason it felt like he was leaving for a flight or something. Like how my friends hugged me before I left for my flight to America.

I didn't like it.

I went into Alfred's room, a bit tired from the training with Ludwig. I wasn't looking forward to telling Alfred the news with Antonio.

"Hey," said Alfred as I opened the door. He was playing GTA in the dark. "Did Matt give you a note thing too?"

I held up my piece of paper and Alfred squinted to see it. "Cool. I dunno what that was all about. Wanna play some GTA?"

We played GTA until it was time for dinner. Some sort of tomato soup that was, as always, warm and home-cooked. Matthew was taking his time and drinking every last spoonful, as if he were savouring the meal. His behavior was really getting to me. How could a person go from sad to happy that fast?

"You're taking your time, Matthew," said Arthur from behind his newspaper.

Matthew smiled at his father. "Yeah, I guess. Hey, Dad, I have something for you and Papa that I want to give to you after dinner. Just something to tell you how much I love you."

Francis ruffled Matthew's hair and grinned. Matthew hugged him as well, but in the same way he did with me. Maybe he was finally getting better.

After dinner, Alfred and I went back up to his room to play GTA again. We finally managed to get a 'five star wanted level', whatever that was. I just ran around and hid inside of pools.

"Hey, Alfred," I said as I made my character hop into a car. "When do you think we can...use...'I love you'? B-because I want to, but-"

"Whenever you feel like the words are true," replied Alfred, who didn't even look up from the screen. "Don't say it until you mean it."

Around ten o'clock, Alfred and I started getting sleepy. We decided to call it a night, and that's when I realized I never said anything about Antonio.

"Antonio got arrested," I said as Alfred turned the lights off.

"What?!" came his reply in the complete and utter darkness.

"He was in a relationship with a student. Feliciano's brother, Lovino."

Alfred rested his head against his pillow and sighed. We didn't really say anything else, because neither of us knew what to say about it. Antonio and Lovino seemed to really like each other, and it wasn't fair when they were both consenting adults. Now one was in jail, separated by a love they were never meant to have.

"Well," said Alfred after a few minutes, "I hope they end up together anyway. Goodnight Kiku."

I yawned. "Goodnight, Alfred."

"I love you."

**DON'T KILL ME. PLEASE. I know it took a while and I am very, very sorry. EUHEHEGJHWH. Also sorry for it being so short. **


	20. If You Love Something Set It Free

**THAT REVIEW. I hope you guys know that one review was a joke. Also, leave now if you are sensitive. This chapter may get to you.**

Did you know that when all the people in the library are gone, they do not get a teacher or any other students to help you?

Because they don't.

I had to check out the books, shelve the books, clean the books, _and_ stamp the books by myself. Feliciano felt horrible after his brother's boyfriend got arrested, and so Ludwig was there for him. Lovino was still in hysterics and nobody could calm him down. And it was pretty obvious why Antonio wasn't present.

As I shelved all the non-fiction books, I thought about what Alfred had said to me last night.

_I love you._

The thought of it gave me goosebumps, and was enough to make me break out into a smile whenever it crossed my mind. Alfred loved me...he said not to say it unless you mean it...he really loved me.

I looked down and saw the imprint the book was making on my hand from squeezing it too tightly. I flexed my hand a few times, trying to get it to go away. I didn't realize that I was getting so giddy.

All I had to do now was work up the courage to tell Alfred the same thing. Last night, I didn't say anything back. It's a lot harder to say than I thought it would be. I just sat in total darkness, saying nothing as Alfred told me that he loved me. I knew I had to do something special for him to make up for it.

I didn't even realize that I was beginning to stack books upside down.

X

During our 4th period, Gilbert looked completely glum. He didn't come into class until the last thirty minutes, and even then he wasn't competing with his usual vigor. He just seemed down.

"What happened, Gilbert?" Alfred asked. He had noticed it too, and Alfred wasn't the best person with reading the mood.

Gilbert merely shrugged his shoulders and sighed. He looked at us with a hint of agony behind his eyes, then pulled both of us behind the bleachers.

"You know Antonio?" he asked.

Alfred and I nodded grimly.

"Well, he was...sort of a friend to me. I really liked talking to him, you know? Actually, I was really close to him. And now he's gotten himself labeled as a pedophile and...God. I can't believe this is happening."

He sunk down to the floor and pulled his knees in close to him. I had never seen Gilbert act so glum. He was always so loud and slightly obnoxious. But at that moment, he was closer to Ludwig in personality than I had ever seen him before.

"And it's just that...I realized something. Roderich is a teacher and I'm not...and Elizabeta would get in serious trouble if she ever decided to give in to me. So that's why I need to now…" He winced. "back off. I need to let Roderich and Elizabeta be. I don't want her to be arrested."

He drew on the gym floor with his finger in little circles. Ah, so that's what was bothering him.

"Look, Gilbert," said Alfred as he leaned down next to him. "It's not that bad, okay? You'll find someone one day, just not her. You're doing the right thing."

Gilbert looked miffed. "Doing the right thing sucks."

"It does sometimes, I will admit," Alfred continued, "but in the long run, it will be much better. If you love something, set it free. And you're a great guy for treating her right."

Gilbert's lip twitched at the words "you're a great guy", as if hearing that made him suppress a smile.

"So buck up!" Alfred patted Gilbert on the back and offered him a smile. The three of us sat down in a circle on the floor behind the bleachers. We just decided to stay out of sight for the rest of gym and just eat the bag of gummy worms Gilbert had in his pocket.

"Hey, Kiku." Alfred handed me a note. "We should probably read these. We never had time to last night or this morning, and Matt will want to know what he thought. He's a sap in that way. Said he's 'so happy he feels better and wants to show it' or something."

"What are those?" Gilbert asked whilst shoving a handful of gummy worms in his mouth.

"Letters from my brother," Alfred replied as he rolled his eyes. "The guy is such a sap."

Matthew did seem a bit happier today in 3rd period. I noticed that he wasn't taking any notes, but it wasn't a big deal. If he was getting better, who cared if he missed out on some notes?

"I'll read mine first," said Alfred as he unfolded the paper and cleared his throat.

"Dear Alfred...what can I say? You're the most amazing little brother someone could ever ask for. I've never felt more blessed whenever I look at you. When we were kids play...ing...out…"

Alfred's voice trailed off, and it looked like he skipped a large portion of the letter. Almost as if he didn't want us to see. Well, it was his personal letter. I glanced down at my own, which looked like it had a lot less writing than Alfred's.

"...thank you for being there for me my whole life. I love you, little bro. I always will. Matt."

Alfred's eye started to glisten with tears, and it made Gilbert and I quite curious about the contents of his letter. Nevertheless, neither of us asked and instead turned the attention to my own letter.

"Dear Kiku...I know that I have only known you for a month. But you impacted my life in an amazing way. You've actually noticed me and paid attention to me. Nobody ever does that for me. But this isn't about me. It's about you and Alfred. I never would have thought my little brother could have someone as amazing as you. Someone who treats him with such respect and can see past his outward appearance, and instead love him for the good person I know he is. You've made my life a lot brighter, Kiku. Remember to keep shining and to take care of Alfred. Love him like I see you do every day. I wish you two the happiest life possible. Matt."

Gilbert smiled and offered the bag of gummy worms to Alfred. "That was sweet," he said as he dumped some in my lap without even asking.

"Yeah…" Alfred said, reading over his letter again. "He is."

X

On my way to the car, I decided to stop by Mr. Edelstein's office. Matthew and Alfred just waited outside for me, since I told them it would be brief.

I knocked on the door of the counselor's office, waiting for Mr. Edelstein to answer. I wasn't even sure if he was inside, but it was worth a shot. Sure enough, the door slowly opened to reveal Mr. Edelstein, as sharply dressed and irritated as ever.

"Kiku? What brings you here?"

"I just...needed to ask you about something. Very quick. You're my counselor, right?"

Mr. Edelstein nodded curtly and stepped aside with a flourish to allow me in. His office was always tidy and smelled faintly of vanilla.

"What is it you need to ask me about?"

"Well...it's about love. I need to ask about how to say 'I love you' to someone. And I know that you love Elizabeta. Please help me." I tried my hardest to put on pleading eyes.

Mr. Edelstein grabbed his head with aggravation. "It's...it's a complicated thing, Kiku. You have to know that you want it, okay? You have to look at them and say it with all of your heart. And that's how you can say it. You say it with every inch of your being. That's how."

I nodded and opened the door. Mr. Edelstein had a look of confusion.

"What, that's all you had to ask me?!"

I walked out the door and smiled. "Yup, and I'm going to ask a whole bunch of people. Thank you, Mr. Edelstein."

Mr. Edelstein waved goodbye in awe as I closed the door.

X

Matthew decided he was going to make grilled cheese for dinner, apparently a favorite of he and Alfred as kids. Francis stepped aside and let him cook for once, proud that his son was following in his footsteps.

Alfred and I were upstairs talking about it and playing a dating sim. Alfred was trying his hardest to get the 'tough girl' type, since she seemed badass to him.

"Matt's always been good at cooking. Makes Kraft all the time though. I fucking hate it. So sometimes he cooks good meals, like Papa."

I flipped through the instruction booklet, not thinking much of it. The girl Alfred wanted was one of the hardest ones to obtain.

"She's hard to get."

Alfred scoffed. "Not a problem for me, right? Just kidding. I'm obviously just kidding."

I elbowed him in the ribs and grinned. "You got me."

"Yeah, but you're not hard to get."

I was about to say something to defend myself when I heard Matthew calling from downstairs. I had never eaten a grilled cheese before, so Matthew tried to get them done as fast as possible so I could taste the 'greatness'.

We all sat around the dinner table when I got a text from my dad.

_How is pochi doing? Better yet, how are u doing?_

I sighed and typed back a response as fast as I could.

_We're good. Bout to eat._

My dad had been bugging me a bit lately. He decided it was best for me to pretty much live with Alfred until he got his hours fixed, which would be a while. He still cared about me, though, and wanted some sort of bonding time with me one day.

"Here they are!" said Matthew with a grin. He placed a giant serving dish filled with sandwiches in front of us. Matthew and I each grabbed one, and Alfred grabbed five.

"What? I eat fast."

And so they did. I was actually the last one to finish my food. Matthew went upstairs, saying that he was going to bed so he could get up early for a test he had. Alfred and I stayed downstairs and played a board game with Arthur and Francis. Arthur came in last place every single time.

I never liked wearing jeans, so I decided to go upstairs and change into a pair of pajamas. They were way more comfortable. And Alfred said I looked cuter in pajamas, so I wanted to make him happy. I yawned as I made my way into the hallway and realized I had to go to the bathroom. Too many glasses of water a day would do that to someone so small like me.

I rubbed my eyes, slightly tired, as I opened the door. The damn light switch was on the other side of the room, which annoyed me to no end. I made my way over to it, then stopped when I noticed something different.

There was a certain smell in the air. I wasn't really sure of what it was, but it smelled putrid and made me want to gag. It filled the entire room, enveloping me in a wretched odor. I plugged my nose and ran a hand over the wall to feel for the switch.

As I stepped forward, I felt my sock touch something oddly wet. The toilet was probably flooded for some reason, so I bent down to pull the water-soaked sock off my foot. But when I touched it, there was something...off. I let go of the sock and rubbed my fingers together, feeling the water that was now all over my hand. It didn't feel like water.

It felt like…

I paused for a moment, letting it sink into my mind. The smells became stronger, the water on my hand became thicker, and the feeling in the room ran a chill up my spine. I ran my hand over the wall, frantically trying to find the switch. My breathing suddenly grew heavy, and I tried my hardest to stop myself from shaking. There was an eerie feeling in the room, and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I felt like I wasn't alone, and that something was in the room with me. Almost as if I were being watched. My hand finally found the switch, and I turned it on as fast as I possibly could.

And there, sitting in front of me, was Matthew's lifeless body inside a blood-soaked tub.


	21. Until It's Gone

**Hopefully, this chapter will actually help with those dealing with depression and suicide. It really sickens me when I read a fic that throw things like that in for a quick "kink". That's disgusting. Suicide isn't something to joke about in fanfics. It should be taken seriously, and only if you are ready to actually talk about it. And don't read this chapter if you are easily triggered by blood and suicide. Just don't. And don't hold me responsible if you decide to read it anyway.**

I had never seen Alfred cry so much before in my life. I had never really seen so much crying in general. Francis was in complete hysterics, and Arthur tried his hardest to hold himself together. Eventually, however, he burst out into tears in the emergency room.

I must admit, after I saw Matthew in the bathtub, I didn't know what to do. I was frozen in place for what seemed like hours, but was apparently seconds. I wasn't really keeping track of the time when I had just walked in on a dead body. My first reaction was to wail and let out blood curdling screams until someone walked in. Arthur was the first one to come into the bathroom, followed by Francis. Alfred had apparently tried to look and get to me, but Francis held him back. He didn't want Alfred to see.

Arthur had to drag me out of the bathroom because my body went stiff. All I could do was stare at Matthew. It seemed like he had tried his hardest to make everything as neat as possible, but completely failed. Red water was gushing from the sides of the tub, and one of his arms was dangling from the side. Thick, red marks ran down his arm in a vertical pattern, still pouring blood. His glasses were nowhere to be seen, but his eyes were closed anyway. He hadn't even taken off his shirt or his pants.

Francis ran over and grabbed towels before pressing them to Matt's wrists. He was blabbering something in French as he screamed and cried, trying to pull his son out from the crimson pool around him. It was the last thing I saw before Arthur finally managed to pull me out the door entirely. I sat down on the plush carpet, still in complete shock. Alfred still didn't know what was going on as he grabbed me and pulled a my wrists, trying to snap me out of it. I was convulsing violently after seeing all the blood and death around me for the second time in my life. I vomited all over the floor, then passed out.

I awoke with my head on Arthur's lap, of all people. The sounds of screaming and crying were all around me, and I realized that we were moving inside of a car. Eventually, I sat up and saw that I was inside an ambulance. I could hear people sobbing on both sides of me, so I focused my blurry vision. Alfred was on my right, grabbing Arthur's hand and crying with heaving sobs where he took rough inhales before breathing with a rough staccato. Francis was next to Arthur, who was wailing and screaming miserably. I couldn't lift my head to see Arthur, but I heard him hushing both of them gingerly, and could tell he was the only one keeping it together amongst all of us.

Once we were in the emergency room, all I could see around me were bright lights, doctors rushing around frantically, and people trying to either shove me out of the way or grab me. I was still in a haze after what had happened, and I don't think it had still fully hit me. Alfred clung to my shirt, trying to hold onto me as he sobbed. I could hear someone screaming and sobbing at a heart-shattering volume as they followed the emergency team. Eventually I recognized it as Francis, who fell to the floor with his hands extended, reaching for the team that was carrying Matthew away. Arthur tried to pick him up off the floor, but Francis kept screaming 'mon enfant, mon enfant' over and over.

A woman with long, dark hair and a white uniform asked for Alfred and I to come along with her to a special room in the back. We obliged, Alfred and I both shaking and having trouble walking. She held onto both of us, constantly asking if we were okay and saying that we were going to be alright.

"M-Matt i-i-i-sn't...he's d-dead. My b-brother…"

Alfred tightened his grip on my shirt as his body heaved with sobs. The woman tried her best to comfort him, but he only grabbed onto me and wailed harder. She led us both back to a room with couches, then said to another doctor that someone was 'getting the parents now'. Alfred rest his head on my lap once we sat down, and I stroked his hair to calm myself. The woman asked if we would like a glass of water, and Alfred choked out a 'no' between sobs.

"Hello...Kiku? Alfred? Hi...how are you two? I know that this is very scary, okay...but you need to-"

"Oh, shut up. Don't act like we're kids. 'How am I doing?' Well, I just walked in on my friend dead and you're telling me it's 'very scary'. We're petrified, okay? I-I'm still seeing it right now. So don't use some damn voice where you're acting like I'm three years old and seeing a horror movie for the first time. Matthew is dead. That's how I'm fucking doing."

She kept trying to interrupt me as I was speaking with an irritated expression, like she didn't want to hear what I was saying.

"Don't give me that face. Don't try to calm me down. My boyfriend here is absolutely mortified after seeing his brother dead, okay?" I could feel my words becoming watery as another onslaught of tears came. "So shut up. Just shut up."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "It's my job, honey. Please just tell me what happened."

Alfred was shaking and holding onto my waist, his face pressed against my stomach. I didn't feel like telling the woman what had happened with him right in front of me. I raised my eyebrows and looked down at Alfred, showing her that I didn't feel comfortable with him there.

"Alfred? Alfred, honey...please leave the room." She leaned forward in her chair and shook his shoulders gently.

"No, I'm saying that I'm not telling you anything until he calms down. It's obvious what happened, right? Matthew killed himself in a bathtub and I walked in on it. That's all that happened and that's all you need to know. Leave us alone."

The woman rolled her eyes once again and let out a little huff. She stood up and walked out of the room, talking to another doctor outside.

Alfred...he was holding onto me the best he could. Clammy hands were reaching for my shirt and twisting the fabric, and I could feel the area around my stomach getting soaked with sweat and tears. He was still crying, and I tried my hardest to hold him by putting one hand behind his knees and another on his back. The door suddenly swung open, revealing a pale and terrified Arthur.

"Kiku? Oh, there you are. Alfred, Kiku...I'm so...God, I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do…"

He came and sat down next to me on the couch, looking at his son with concern. Alfred looked up upon hearing the voice of his father, then pulled himself off of me so he could wrap him in a hug.

"D-Dad, they're gonna put Matt in a b-body bag, like on TV…"

Arthur ran his hands up and down Alfred's back, hushing him and kissing him on the forehead.

"No, it's okay...shh...Alfred…"

I looked around for Francis, who was nowhere to be seen. Doctors and nurses alike were scattered about, and one man was looking right at us and saying something. A male doctor nodded firmly at him and walked over to the door.

"Mr. Kirkland?" he said as he entered the room. "I am Doctor Zwingli. I understand that your son is mister…" He glanced down at a clipboard. "Matthew Williams?"

Arthur continued to stroke Alfred's back as he answered him. "Yes...that's right."

Dr. Zwingli looked over at Alfred, who was still crying and moaning softly. He sat down in a nearby seat and started to click his pen.

"Well, you have to answer some questions. They may be tough, but you have to do it. Were there any medications your son was on?"

Arthur looked up in thought and listed off various medications with names I had never even heard of before. Dr. Zwingli nodded as he wrote them all down on his clipboard.

"Any signs that he was going to do this?"

Arthur stuttered for a moment, as if the question caught him by surprise. "Well...he had always been depressed, but...not like that. He was actually very happy today, being nice to all of us and whatnot."

Dr. Zwingli nodded. "A common sign. They usually don't want anyone suspecting what they are going to do, and want their family members to know they love them. Very common." He scribbled something else down.

I thought about what had happened in the days leading up to Matt's death. He seemed very cold and off-putting, then all of the sudden…

"He stopped taking notes in school, even though he was very studious," I blurted out. "He hugged me very awkwardly, as if it was the last time he would see me. A-and he gave us all notes telling us how much he loved us."

The last part induced a heart-wrenching sob from Alfred. I couldn't help but think about their relationship...up until I had met him, Matthew was the only friend that Alfred had. They'd been together since they were kids, and were more than brothers. They were best friends, and the only one the other had to rely on.

Now Alfred was alone.

After a few more questions, a nurse with short, blonde hair came in and asked for Dr. Zwingli. Before he dismissed himself, he told us that we would need to wait in the room for quite a while. Arthur could do nothing but stroke Alfred's hair and whisper things in his ear, trying to calm him down. Eventually, Alfred gave up and succumbed to exhaustion. His eye started to flutter shut, and he laid down on the couch.

"Try to get some sleep, Alfred...it's been crazy, I know. You need to sleep some." He stood up and looked at me. "Kiku, you too. You went into a panic earlier, so you must be tired as well. Why don't the two of you sleep together on the couch, eh? It'll calm you down."

I crawled across the couch and wrapped my arms around Alfred, who immediately melted into me at the touch. There was a blanket on the back of the couch, so Arthur took it and draped it across both of us.

"Where the hell is Francis…? I'm going to look for him. You two need to take a nap, okay? I know it'll be hard, but...come get me if you need me. I'll just be out here looking for your Papa."

I heard the soft click of the door closing, and Alfred tucked his head underneath my chin. I could feel him starting to cry again.

"I'm scared, Kiku. I'm so sad and I'm so scared…" His voice trailed off as he started to whimper. It broke my heart, and made me want to cry again.

"I am too," I told him as I kissed his head. "I am too."

I tried to sleep without thinking of Matthew, my mom, and my dad. About all the kind people who had been taken away from me unfairly as I saw the deaths that being alive had given them. Instead I tried to focus on Alfred, the broken boy who had lost his mother as she tried to save him, and his brother who had left him without much of a goodbye. Two scarred people held each other close in the sickening glow of a hospital room, trying to salvage what they had of themselves to give to each other.

X

"Kiku…? Kiku, wake up. Alfred, wake up. Come on."

I woke up, not remembering where I was. All I knew was that I had a horrid taste in my mouth, and Alfred's sleeping face was right in front of me, his glasses askew. But slowly, the memories started to come back to me, and it made me sick. Matthew's body in the bath, the ride to the hospital, all the screaming and crying. The hopeless feeling that we all had in the pits of our stomachs. I wanted it all to go away. I wanted to go back and grab Matt as he went up the stairs, asking him to play video games with me instead. All the times that we had talked were fresh in my mind.

_"Hey, do you need help?"_

_"Trust me, I know how it feels to not be noticed. Do you need help finding your first class?"_

_"My name is Matthew Williams. Yours?"_

I tried to stand up and get off the couch. Alfred woke up, yawning and rubbing at his eye with his palm. I felt a hand grab my shoulder as I got up, still feeling dizzy.

_"Kiku, I'm sorry. Don't cry. Honestly, it's okay. Don't worry about it. I'm not even sure what Alfred likes, okay? Who knows, maybe he likes you back."_

As soon as I got up, I offered a hand to Alfred, who took it even though he was still slightly out of it. The other person in the room, I noticed, was Arthur. He helped me get Alfred up, then started to fold the blanket. I think everything started to hit Alfred after that, because he stared at the ground miserably.

_"I'm just a light sleeper...you need something for a headache? Heh. Well, that's my depression meds, so don't take those. Hold on…"_

_"Everyone hates my little brother because of me. I can't make myself noticed, so they all focus on him. I'm so normal looking and so plain...they hate him because of me. You're in a mess because of me…"_

Alfred started to panic a bit, swallowing the lump in his throat and reaching for my hand. I took his in my own, holding it as tightly as I could to show him that I was still here for him. Arthur spread the blanket out neatly over the back of the seat, then looked at us. He gestured for us to follow him out the door, so we both took cautious and wobbly steps over to him. Once we were out in middle of the hospital, Dr. Zwingli started speaking with Arthur in a hushed tone.

_"I don't need pity. I know you're all worried about me, but I'm fine, okay? I'm just pissed about school right now."_

_"Just leave me alone, okay? I'm fine. I just want you to go. And tell everyone else to leave me alone, too."_

Dr. Zwingli asked all of us to follow him down the corridor of the hospital. I felt completely sick to my stomach and feared I might get sick all over again. As I walked, I noticed my feet. My socks had been changed, and I had my shoes on. Arthur...did he do that while I fainted? It was probably while the EMTs were at the house...how he was able to keep a level head through all of this was amazing.

"Where are we going?" Alfred asked in a small whisper.

Arthur ran a hand through his hair and smiled. "We're going to see your brother."

Alfred let out a gasp and then started to quiver. "No, no, I don't want to see his body...please, Dad, don't make me do this…"

Arthur grabbed Alfred by the shoulders, and Dr. Zwingli stopped in the middle of the hallway. Alfred started to fight back, prying himself away from Arthur as he wailed miserably.

"Calm down, Alfred! It's fine...come on. He's right in here, okay?" Arthur pulled his son in for a hug, then pointed at a door.

Dr. Zwingli opened the door slowly, and the first thing I could see was Francis. His back was turned and he was kneeling down in front of a bed, almost as if he were praying. I stepped over a little to see into the room better, and saw someone laying down in the bed. Alfred grabbed my hand again and started to walk into the room, completely hesitant to see what was inside. As soon as he saw the person in bed, however, he let go and ran over.

"Matthew, Matthew! Oh, thank God...Matth...ew…" He started sobbing again as I made my way over to him and Francis.

"Hey, Al...don't cry…" I heard Matthew croak in a small, pathetic-sounding voice. He was hooked up to all sorts of tubes running through his arms, which had thick bandages wrapped around them from the elbow and down. His skin was pale, with barely a hint of color, and his face was slightly sunken in. His blueish violet eyes were struggling to keep open as he held his brother's hand.

"Ki...ku...I'm so sorry...you found me, didn't you? I'm so...sorry…" Matthew let out his words in little breaths, and I could feel my chest tightening. I gulped as tears started to pour out of my eyes, and I held back breathy sobs.

"Matthew, why? Dammit...I love you. I love you so much." Alfred stared into Matthew's eyes as he intertwined their fingers together. "Don't do that to me again, please...Matt…" He buried his face in the bed.

"We both have scars on our arms now...huh, Alfred…?" Matthew let out a small chuckle, as if the situation was laughable. Then he sat back and looked up at the ceiling, closing his eyes. He swallowed roughly, then knitted his eyebrows together. "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry…"

I heard people speaking behind me, so I turned around just to glance and see. I didn't want to interrupt the moment between the two brothers. The nurse with the short, blonde hair was comforting Arthur, who was sitting in a chair outside in the hall. His face was in his hands and his shoulders were shaking. I guess people aren't always as strong as they seem, and everyone has their limits.

"Matthew, we love you so much. Oh, mon enfant, je t'aime. Je t'aime." Francis kissed Matthew on the forehead over and over, and Alfred squeezed his brother's hand as he bawled.

I guess you would never know how much everyone missed you unless you were alive to see it. And thankfully, Matthew had failed at his mission.

**Dr. Zwingli is Switzerland, in case you didn't know. (And the nurse with the "short, blonde hair" was Liechtenstein.) I was thinking to myself 'What would Kiku even think of Dr. Zwingli? Does Japan even like Switzerland? Well, they were both on the side of the Axis (even though Swissy claimed to be neutral)...hmm...' and then I remembered that ONE EPISODE. Tra la la, ya ho ho.**  
><strong>And hopefully this will allow people to see that everyone has people who care about them, even if they think that they don't. I have never known a single person who died and didn't break some people completely as they left. 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for the United States.<strong>


	22. Yao

**Sorry I haven't updated lately. I have this thing called a life that people should stop yelling at me for having. (I got messages from people telling me that I was 'pissing them off' for not updating.) And thank you so much for all the wonderful fanart! "esbis" wrote a little...fic of the fic? Idk what to call it. ANYWAY IT WAS SO CUTE. And I will answer the question one more time, since multiple people have asked AGAIN: I am female. You can see a picture of me on my FF page if you really wanted to know.**

We stayed with Matthew for what seemed like weeks. Alfred and I would nap on in the chairs outside, but we didn't want to leave Matthew. It seemed like all Matthew wanted to do was apologize, because that's all he _was_ doing. He kept blubbering about how he 'thought about how we would feel, but didn't consider it too much' and how killing himself because of his grades and depression was 'cowardly'. We tried our hardest to comfort him, but it seemed like it made him feel more guilty.

Francis or Arthur would run home from time to time and grab whatever we needed, whether it was clothes, textbooks, or anything else. We missed a few days of school, but it didn't really matter to us. Showers were taken at the one the hospital offered because...well, nobody wanted to go back to the bathroom at home until the cleaning crew was done with it. Pochi was being kept by Francis and Arthur's neighbors, an elderly couple.

Eventually, Arthur told me my father called him. Arthur told him about everything that had happened, so my dad wanted to come and pick up Alfred and I from the hospital. We insisted on staying with Matthew, but Matthew told us otherwise.

"Please leave," he said in a tired voice. "Don't let my stupid choices keep you tied to me in this hospital."

So Alfred and I waited out at the front of the hospital, frost clinging to our breath as we held hands and shivered in the cold air. Alfred took my hand in his and tried his hardest to warm it up, seeing how my fingers were completely frigid. I noticed just how huge his hands were in comparison to mine. My fingers were small, delicate, and thin. Alfred had large knuckles, with huge bones and wide palms. His hands were also completely free of any scarring, smooth and tanned.

Alfred kissed my knuckles gently. "How would your dad feel about this? Should we pretend we're just friends?"

"My dad stays out of my life all the time," I scoffed. "I don't know what he thinks about anything. He's Chinese, if that gives you any idea."

Alfred merely cocked his head.

"A majority of them do not support it. But who knows, everyone is different." I sighed, watching as little puffs of white were blown into the air like tendrils of winter smoke.

"You don't have to worry about what my dads think," Alfred laughed. He grabbed my hand once again and kissed the back of it before letting it drop. Really, he was way too sweet. But I liked things too sweet.

"My birthday is coming up," I said. "As in...tomorrow."

"What?!" Alfred exclaimed, looking at me in shock. "You never told me that! You'll be eighteen, right? Wow, that means you'll be nineteen when you graduate but still! You never told me it was your birthday tomorrow."

I pulled my scarf closer to me. "Yup. February the eleventh."

"Hmm, that's close to Valentine's Day. Looks like I'm going to love you a whole lot this week. Not that I don't already…" Alfred looked away and pulled his scarf over his cheeks, trying to hide the redness that was now spreading there.

My dad pulled up a few moments later, blaring some sort of rap music. He tried his hardest to seem "hip" as he called it. But I knew he was just an old man who was trying way too hard. I rolled my eyes as my dad opened the car door and shouted to us way too loudly.

"Kiku! Son, over here! It's your dad! Oh, is that Alfred? Hi Alfred!"

He was shouting because he was playing his music way too loudly and couldn't even hear himself. People were looking at him in an odd fashion, as if they'd never seen an Asian man screaming out of his Cadillac whilst blasting "Drop It Like It's Hot" before.

Alfred tried his hardest to hold back a boisterous laugh, and I looked away in shame. My dad kept shouting at us, begging for us to get in the car already because "Aiya, it is cold as hell".

The seats were leather and heated, and it was then that I realized how little I knew about my own family car. For instance, I never noticed the miniature disco ball that hung from the middle of the car, or the cheetah print that graced the passenger seat.

"Where do you want to go eat? I saw a buffet back there...and a pizza place! Do you like pizza? Kiku, I know you do. Alfred?"

"I-" Alfred started.

"You're American! Of course you do. We'll get pizza. Pizza is good."

He stomped on the gas, and Alfred and I held onto the seats for dear life. My dad nearly hit a woman who was just walking out of the hospital with her husband.

"Not the best driver," I whispered to Alfred.

"How many points for that old lady? Haha, I'm joking. Should I act like I'm going to hit her? Maybe it'll freak her out a bit. Nah, she'll probably have a heart attack or something."

Alfred's eye was wide in confusion as we tore out of the parking lot and down the road. My dad was trying so hard to sing along to whatever rap song was playing, but he only knew part of it.

"I got one last problem without ya...oh! There it is!"

He noticed the pizza place and made an illegal left turn. Alfred held onto my hand to steady himself as we listened to the blaring of horns all around us.

"Hello to you, too! These American drivers are so nice, aren't they?" My dad hummed along to the radio as he pulled into a handicapped parking spot.

Alfred was a tad woozy as he got out of the car, holding his head and trying to keep his balance. I was used to my father, so nothing he did surprised me.

"Oh...I pulled into a handicap spot. Alfred, if we get a ticket, just cough and limp a little, okay?" He spun his keys on his finger as he strolled into the Pizza Hut in front of us.

X

I blotted the pizza with a napkin as my dad spoke. He was describing things I could really care less about, going on about what a "bitch" one of his coworkers was, and how the office always kept him way too late.

"And someone asked if I was a girl! They had a bet going around the office about it. They thought I was a tranny or something. Ugh."

I stopped pressing the napkin as I thought of the perfect moment to find out what my dad thought about gay people. I had hinted it to him before, but he never gave me a straight answer. This way, I was sure to find out.

"The boys at school called me a tranny," I said while looking down at my pizza.

"What?! How dare they! Why would they say that?"

I gulped as I gave him my answer. "Because I look like a girl...and I'm gay. That's what they said. That's why."

My dad shook his head. "What nonsense. You're not a girl." He sipped his soda and ended his answer there.

He would never acknowledge what I wanted him to. I was waiting for him to say something like "You're not gay, either!" but it never happened. He would never point out girls for me, but he would never point out guys, either. I tried to say things like "He's cute..." but my dad would always give me a stupid answer along the lines of "Oh yeah, I guess he does kinda look like Hello Kitty."

Alfred noticed my distress and decided to help me out.

"You know, Mr...Yao. As an LGBT student, I try my hardest to help Kiku."

My dad smiled. "That's nice of you to help my son."

"With his...issues."

"He does have a lot of them."

Alfred shot me a confused glance as I shrugged my shoulders. That's the way my dad always was with questions hinting at my sexuality. Beat around the bush. I did the same thing a lot of times, never giving people a direct answer. But I really wanted my dad to answer me once and for all.

"So, Alfred…" My dad twirled the straw in his drink. "How are you feeling? And Kiku...it didn't...bring anything back, did it? Sorry, I had to ask."

Alfred sighed and took a sip of his cola. "It sucks...seeing Matt like that makes me sick. My big brother is in the hospital, looking weak...but...he's alive. He didn't have a good chance of living through that, but he's alive. He has more life to live with our family, and we don't have to plan a funeral. My big brother is still here. So I'm happy about that."

My dad nodded, a sad smile. He looked over at me, grabbing my hands from across the table. "And Kiku? Are you alright?"

"Yes...I'm fine. You worry too much. I would like to run over to Alfred's house before we go back to the hospital, though."

My dad let go of my hands and sat up straight. "Yes, and I have to get something too! Your family, Alfred, has done a lot for my son. I want to pay them back."

He sounded just like Alfred's parents with me. I guess everyone was grateful that Alfred and I had become friends. I looked at my boyfriend and my father, both smiling at one another.

"Trust me, sir, I should be thanking you. Kiku is the greatest thing in my life."

X

"Sir? That's an...excessive amount of balloons…" said a nurse as she walked by us in confusion.

"They're for a sick boy! Don't judge the amount."

Forty-two balloons.

He got forty-two balloons.

They were tied to the door handle of the car because they wouldn't fit inside. My father also purchased a case of Chinese dumplings for Arthur and Francis. So there we were, struggling to walk inside the hospital because we looked like the house from "UP".

Matthew sat up once we walked into the room, amazed at the amount of colorful balloons that were now in his presence. He didn't seemed disappointed, just...shocked. Like the man at Party City when he heard the amount my father wanted.

I hid my gift behind my back as my dad tied all the balloons to the plastic chair and set the dumplings down.

"Aiya, that cramped up my hand! Anyway, here you go Matthew! They are get well soon balloons. Also, we have this for you."

Alfred stepped forward and placed Pochi in Matthew's lap. Matthew smiled for what seemed like the first time in a few months, and Pochi wiggled happily upon seeing his favorite person.

"Are dogs allowed in here?" Arthur asked.

"They didn't stop us, so I guess so." My father shrugged and picked up the case of dumplings. "These are for you and your husband."

Wait...he didn't say anything against Francis and Arthur being married. He simply called them "husbands". Maybe he wasn't bigoted.

I nearly dropped the item in my hands. I guess it was time to hand it to Matt.

"Here you go," I said, presenting it to him. "To keep you company."

"Kuma!" Matthew exclaimed as he held the bear tightly. He grinned as he set him down on the nightstand where Arthur had placed the flowers he'd purchased earlier. There were also cards from Ludwig, Gilbert, and Feliciano. Feliciano had also sent in some sort of Greek flowers that were "mentioned in mythology", or whatever the card said.

"A-and I have something for him, too. But I'd rather give it to him with just the two of us," Alfred said sheepishly. We all nodded, and I began to walk out of the room with the others.

"Wait...Kiku. You can stay. I need someone else to hold my hand. Plus, you're kind of a big part in this little trio we have."

I closed the door behind everyone else and stepped over to Alfred with a hesitant look. Alfred pulled a note out of his pocket with shaking, clammy hands.

"Dear Alfred…" he began, "what can I say? You're the most amazing little brother someone could ever ask for. I've never felt more blessed whenever I look at you. When we were kids playing outside, those other kids decided to be my friend. Do you remember that? I was so happy, because I finally had people who noticed me. But then the ball rolled over to you...and the kids didn't want you to play. That's when I realized that I've never really needed anyone else. I have you. We played with that ball for hours, just the two of us. I got the best little brother anyone could ask for when our dads got married."

Alfred started to sniffle and lifted his glasses to wipe his eye. I held onto his hand, and Alfred squeezed it back.

"Y-you mean the world to me. You're the only friend I've ever had. You noticed me. Your kindness radiates from you everywhere you go, but people are always wearing sunglasses. Everyone keeps this shroud of darkness over you, but it's only themselves. If they would just take off that false veil they have over you, they'd see what you really are. And I, little brother, love the sun. I-I-I love you. I don't need any s-sunglasses. So thank you for being there for me my whole life. I love y-you, little bro. I always will. Matt."

Matthew smiled and took Alfred's hand in his own. The note fluttered to the ground, and Alfred started to cry.

"I meant every word, Al. I love you so much. I'm so sorry I did this to you."

Alfred held onto his brother and sobbed, while the balloons fluttered from the cool air pouring through the window.

**Aw, it's gettin' happier. The next chapter will be a timeskip, just to warn you. Some people really hate those. And can you tell from reading this chapter and Amerifryingpan that I DO have a sense of humor? I'm a pretty serious person, but I can joke. ;D Only three more chapters after this; our journey is ending.**


	23. Graduation

**I've had a rough week. Sorry for not updating sooner.**

"Hold still, Pochi...I can't…"

Matthew struggled to fix Pochi's bowtie as the large dog jumped around excitedly. The whole house was lively, with several people bustling about. I blew the strands of yarn that were hanging from my hat out of my face, and a hand reached around and pulled the pieces back to the side of my hat again.

"Son, I'm so proud of you," said my dad as he finished adjusting my graduation cap. "I couldn't have asked for a better son. I must admit, even though I was a little scared by you being gay at first...it shouldn't matter to me. You're happy, and finally becoming an adult."

I smiled at my father and hugged him for the first time. I couldn't believe that I had such a warm and loving family surrounding me, and such great friends who were all here to support me.

"Yo, when are we leavin'?" shouted Gilbert from across the room. "It's almost nine!"

Arthur rushed around as my dad helped him, trying to get everything prepared. They were setting up for my party before I even graduated. Everyone decided to gather at the house and set up, go to the graduation, then come back home and 'par-tay', as Gilbert put it.

Pochi barked as Matthew finally managed to get the tie on him. Matthew noticed that his sleeves were riding up, showing off his bandages, so he quickly pulled them down.

"Hey, Kiku...can you get the scissors and cut off the piece of string that's sticking out on Pochi's tie? I would, but...not allowed."

I nodded and walked into the kitchen, where Francis was putting something into a pot to cook while we were gone. Grabbing the scissors, I walked over to my dog, who was now fully grown. Pochi trotted over to me and licked my face as I cut the extra piece of string that hung from the bowtie around his neck. He looked so cute with his attire on for my graduation.

"Kiku, guess who?" A pair of hands went over my eyes and I couldn't help but smile.

"Alfred, you dork."

I turned around and faced my boyfriend, who looked more mature than ever. His shoulders were even broader and he had grown a bit taller. His voice had settled completely and stopped cracking, which I was actually a little upset about.

"I have something for you, okay? It's not a stuffed animal or anything like I got you on your birthdays…"

He opened up a case, which revealed a raven-colored watch. The sun from the window was shining on it, showing the slightest hint of shimmer. There were little diamonds all around the sleek, tiny circle. It looked just like little fragments of stars glowing in the night sky. Alfred pulled it out and flipped it over, showing what was engraved on the backside.

"Time may stand still, but our love never does." Alfred read the back out loud. "Sorry it's cheesy, but-"

I hugged him as tight as I could. I pulled the man closer to me, the one I had come to love. The one who had opened up to me two years ago, even though every other student had treated him horribly. The one who held me when I needed him, and told me I was handsome when I felt that I wasn't. The one who told me…

"I love you," I said as I leaned up and kissed him.

I heard someone from the living room whooping and hollering, telling me to 'get it'. I pulled away and stared at Alfred, who blinked a few times in surprise.

"That's the first time you've told me that…" he said in shock.

"I know, and it's two years overdue. I'm sorry, Alfred. I couldn't bring myself to say it all the times I should have."

I had been asking various couples over the years about how to say 'I love you'. Arthur and Francis told me to say it from my heart; my father told me to say it whenever you wanted to make someone happy. Gilbert said it's a weird and wonderful thing, and you'll know when the time is right. Elizabeta said it's when you know you will be happy with that person for the rest of your life, and Ludwig and Feliciano said it's when you give every part of yourself to the other one. I ended up saying it on my own terms. The terms where you say 'I love you' when you love a person so much that you can't take it. You're going to burst if you don't tell them the words that you know they deserve to hear. I grinned at Alfred and tried my hardest not to cry.

Alfred smiled as he hooked the watch to my wrist. I stared into the glass, watching as the little lines counted away the hour. It was small, beautiful, and...it looked expensive. How much did Alfred spend?

"How much was this, Alfred?" I immediately realized how rude that sounded, but Alfred just shrugged.

"Not important, right? Nothing is too pricey if I'm spending it on you."

The door was opened, and the warm air of June blew through the house. Alfred ushered me to the door, and I watched as all my friends got up from the couch and started to hurry over. Arthur was shooing people out, telling them that we were going to be late. Francis set a timer for the food and called the neighbors on his phone, who were going to come over and make sure it didn't burn. After what happened to Arthur and Alfred, the house burning down was something they were careful about.

I felt a tug on my shoulder, and heard Matthew whisper in my ear.

"It was five-hundred. He worked extra hours. Al loves you a lot."

I looked at my boyfriend, the young man who was offering his elbow for me to take so he could walk me to the car.

"He does," I whispered back, before stepping out into the light and wrapping my arm around the man I loved.

X

I scanned the room, looking for my group. Mr. Edelstein and Elizabeta were both against the wall of the gym, waving to various students. When they saw me, they both waved.

"Kikuuu!" I heard someone scream from the crowded bleachers. "We're rooting for youuu!"

"Shut up, Gilbert! It's not a race or anything, he's just graduating!"

I laughed as I spotted the group of people who had come out to support me. Francis and Arthur (who had a video camera), Matthew, Ludwig, Feliciano, Gilbert, and my dad. Antonio and Lovino were there too, and they were married. Antonio wasn't allowed to teach anymore, but that didn't matter. Lovino was now 20 years old and happily married to him, no matter how much he tried to hide the fact that he was happy.

And there, sitting in the middle of all of them, was Alfred without a hoodie on. He sat tall and proud, not caring about the glances he was getting from those around him. His one good eye was on me and only me, and he never stopped smiling.

It was my turn for my row to get up. My hat was starting to fall off my head, so I tried to adjust it. We lined up below the stage, waiting to walk on.

"Yeah, Kikuuu!"

"Sir, if you keep yelling we're going to ask you to lea-"

"Shut up, my friend is graduating!"

Gilbert was going to be kicked out if he didn't keep his mouth shut, but I knew Ludwig would keep him in line.

"Gupta Muhammad Hassan."

The principal announced the next name, and the kid in front of me stepped up. This was it. I was leaving high school, the place where I had made the most wonderful friends anyone would ever ask for. And in another year, I would be watching Matthew, Alfred, Feliciano, and Ludwig all graduate.

"Kiku Honda."

I stepped up onto the podium, looking at all the people surrounding me. There were hundreds of people, maybe even a thousand all around me. Families crowded together, taping the moment their kids became an adult. All of the faces, all sorts of colors and stripes, and I could only focus on one. The person with the blonde hair, glasses, and most beautiful skin I could imagine. I took the rolled up piece of paper in my hand and began to walk across the wooden platform, knowing that the man who loved me was watching.

X

"Play some Nicki Minaj!"

I looked over at Ludwig, who was red in the face. He was inserting a CD into the giant sound system in the living room as all the people around us ate slices of cake on paper plates.

"No, we're not doing that," Ludwig told his brother. "It's Kiku's party and I don't think he wants to listen to 'Stupid Hoe'."

The party was alive for the amount of people it had. Matthew was trying his hardest to get ahold of Pochi, who was running around and sniffing the cake that everyone had. Elizabeta and Roderich were sitting on the couch and eating. Lovino and Feliciano were scrutinizing the food, carefully deciding what to get, and my father was speaking with Arthur and Francis, who were trying to get the video of me walking across the stage up on the camera.

After I had opened up my graduation gifts, I went upstairs to take off my graduation gown. Alfred came up a few moments later, carrying something in his hands.

"And just what is that? I get more presents?" I asked with a grin.

"Sort of…" Alfred smiled as he pulled me to him by the waist. It took me by surprise, of course, but I didn't protest.

Alfred pressed something made of cool metal into my hand. It felt like a necklace of some sort, so I looked down. It was a simple silver necklace with a plain silver circle. Nothing special looking.

"What is this?" I asked as I brought it to my face. It was just...a silver circle.

"Open it up," Alfred said with a soft smile.

I struggled with the clasp, trying to pry open the tiny silver object. I didn't know what Alfred could have possibly put inside. Eventually, Alfred took it from me and showed me how to open it.

"There we go. Look at what's inside."

I looked down and saw my parents smiling back at me. My father on one side, my mom on the other. It was taken from their wedding photo, the one that I thought was gone forever.

"Alfred, what…"

I felt tears pulling at my eyes as I stared at my parents. The people who had left me too early and were only kept safe in my memories.

"That way they'll always be with you, right? I searched forever to find that pictu-"

I cut Alfred off with a kiss. He didn't expect it, but melted into it nonetheless. I pulled away and stared into his eye, that twinkling eye that was hidden behind his sharp frames.

"It's wonderful," I said, holding back my tears. "I love you so much."

"I love you too!" said Alfred, showing off his shining, white teeth. "But I have something else to show you. Not a graduation gift, but I just want you to see it."

He took me by the hand and led me down the stairs. I held the necklace tight in my hand, trying not to drop it. Alfred could put it on me later.

"Dad, I'm taking Kiku out! We'll back back soon!"

"You're taking the guy away who we're celebrating for? That's not fair!" yelled Gilbert.

Alfred and I merely rolled our eyes, knowing that he was joking. We walked out into the crisp summer air and down the driveway to Alfred's car. Matthew had made him clean it, so he spent a whole day clearing the junk out of it. It felt weird to me, like the car was naked.

"Okay," said Alfred as we hopped inside. "Let's go on an adventure!"

I smiled at how much of a complete dork he was.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

Alfred grinned. "It's a surprise. You'll have to wait and see."

**Sorry this one is so short. First person to correctly guess where they are going will get a drawing of any character that they want in _Scars_. I'll give you one hint: the location was mentioned in earlier chapters, but they never went there.**


	24. The Grave

**I actually hated my high school, so I was glad when I graduated. And guys, a lot of you on Skype are assuming I'm like 15. I am no longer in high school, so I can assure you I am not 15 years old. Also people asked for lemon. I will not be putting citrus fruits in this story.**

I really wasn't sure of where Alfred was taking me. We passed all the restaurants we liked to eat at, and we were only about five minutes down the road when Alfred pulled into a parking lot that led to what looked like a park.

"Hey, Alfred?" I said as I stepped out of the car. "Would you mind...hooking the necklace on me?"

Alfred's large hands reached in front of me and took the delicate chain, then wrapped it around my neck. I heard him struggling with the clasp until he finally got it hooked, letting the pendant drop. I ran my thumb over it absentmindedly.

"Kiku, you're so tiny. But adorable. Like a little doll."

I didn't know where that had come from, but smirked nonetheless. "Yeah, try saying that when I'm an old man. Don't think I'll be cute anymore."

Alfred pulled me closer to him by wrapping his arm around my waist, then started walking down to the grassy field in front of us.

"I don't care what you look like, Kiku. As long as I'm with you. Ah, sorry...that sounded really cheesy."

As we got closer to the field, I noticed black rocks scattered about in random places. Alfred led me over to an oak tree. The tree was fairly large, an assortment of green colors hanging off its branches.

"There's someone I'd like you to meet," Alfred said as he walked to the base of the tree. I was expecting someone to walk over to us, but instead Alfred kneeled down in front of the oak and called me over.

Alfred was leaning over a tombstone.

"Kiku, I'd like you to meet my mother."

I squatted down next to him and read the tombstone. It didn't have a year on it, just a first name.

"Lucille, huh?" I pondered. "Pretty name. Was she a pretty woman?"

Alfred smiled sadly and pulled up some blades of grass. He started to pull them apart in his hands.

"Yeah, from what I remember. Blondish brown hair, blue eyes. I told you a few times. She looked a lot like me. But yeah, she was pretty."

I stared at the tombstone in front of me. It was a grayish black and had a slight shine to it, as if it were made of marble. It was in the shade, so it was a nice place for Alfred's mom.

"Who...who chose this place? Under the tree, I mean."

Alfred was trying to make a grass whistle, but to no avail. He pulled up a few more strands from the ground and tried to blow on them between his hands.

"Huh? Oh, I did. When I was a little boy. My mom used to read to me under this tree, so I thought it would be nice to bury her here. Dad said it was up to me, so...yeah. They wanted to put her in some regular burial ground, but I remember yelling 'No, no! I want Mommy here!' or something. I knew she died. I just...wanted to see her. In our little spot."

I thought about my own parents who were buried who-knows-where in Japan. I smiled contentedly as I reached a hand up to graze the necklace on my chest. The metal felt warm now, as if my parents were sharing their love with me. I knew it was just my own body heat or the hot day outside, but it was a much nicer thought.

"I just wanted you to meet her. I...I hope my mom would be happy that I have a boyfriend. Dad, too. I think she'd want us both to be happy with whoever loved us the most, right?"

He was asking himself more than he was asking me. I nodded nonetheless and kissed him on the cheek.

"Not in front of my mom!" Alfred teased. "No PDA."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not in high school anymore, so those rules don't apply to me."

"Yeah, you're not...you're leaving your young boyfriend and going to college. Old man."

Alfred tried to sound like he was teasing, but I knew he was hurt. I was leaving him and going to college, and he felt like I was leaving him behind. Alfred had picked a college exclusively for people looking into space travel and astronomy. I wasn't really sure of what I wanted to do. I was always fairly good at art, so I was going to attend art school. However...we'd be apart for a while. Only speaking to each other on vacations. Alfred and I both knew this, but we were sure that our relationship would hold up. After all, we'd stuck together this long. We couldn't break up...right?

"I'll still love you," I said. "Don't worry, Lucille, I'll take care of your son."

Alfred took one last look at his mother's grave before standing up. He dusted his hands off on his jeans, then offered one to me. I took it and let him help me up, staring into that piercingly blue eye of his.

"Bye, Mom!" he shouted over his shoulder. "We have to get back to Kiku's graduation!"

I knew that she couldn't hear Alfred. I was never the most religious person, either. But in that moment, I could feel that Alfred was actually speaking to his mom, the woman who loved her son so dearly that she gave her life for him. Arthur and Francis loved Alfred and Matthew very much as well, and treated me like I was their own son. My parents had been taken away from me and my dad was never around, but…

"Kiku, you ready to head back?"

I smiled. Yeah. Back to my family.

X

"Yo, what took you guys so long? We played Twister and you missed it! Imagine my brother playing Twister!"

We were greeted at the door by Gilbert and his constant yelling. I adjusted my watch and bracelet as I walked into the living room. Everything had been cleared away to make space in the living room for games and such. Feliciano was scanning the CDs for something of a certain genre.

"Hmm...I'm trying to find it, Arthur...ah! Here it is!"

Feliciano held up a CD and Elizabeta took it gently from his hands. She scanned over the back before holding it to her chest in delight.

"Oh, Roderich! I love these songs, don't you? Look, this is the one you played on the piano that one time…"

Feliciano took Alfred and I by the arm, one in each hand. We both chuckled nervously as he pulled us into the living room.

"We're going to dance, okay? Couples. It'll be fun!"

He said this as he grabbed Ludwig and attempted to dip him, who did no such thing. Instead, Ludwig held onto Feliciano's back and dipped him as gently as he could, which made Feliciano laugh. I wondered if they'd be together forever.

"Okay, put the CD in!" said Francis as he came into the living room with a dishcloth in his hands. He flung it over the couch and grabbed Arthur, who immediately turned red with embarrassment.

"Come on, Lovino!" shouted Antonio as he pulled said person off the couch. Elizabeta and Roderich started dancing with one another as the music started up, a slow and jazzy tune that sounded like old American music. Ludwig and Feliciano had started to slow dance as well, with Feliciano resting his head on Ludwig's chest and Ludwig resting his chin on Feliciano.

Matthew dimmed the lights down before retiring to the stairs. He wasn't allowed anything sharp anymore, nor was he allowed to be alone. He had to stay in the sights of Arthur or Francis at all times, but he didn't really protest. He gripped the bars of the stairs and dreamily watched as all these people danced away, something that he would never do as a person who had no romantic or sexual desires.

I felt a light tap on the shoulder and turned to see Alfred, who was extending a hand out to me. I took it gingerly, being careful to show that I wasn't really a dancer. Oh, but Alfred was. The second he had me in his arms, he was spinning me around slowly and sidestepping with the slow rhythm of the song.

_"You're just too good to be true...can't take my eyes off of you…"_

I rest my head on Alfred's chest, feeling a little self-conscious that my father was watching as I danced in the living room with my boyfriend. Alfred and I had never went to prom in fear of what people might say to us. Ludwig and Feliciano had gone and said people treated them horribly. It felt a little weird to be dancing in a living room, but everyone around us was only paying attention to the person they loved.

"Come on, Chinese dude. Mr. Kiku's dad. Let's dance together."

"Go away."

I chuckled softly and gripped Alfred's shirt. He put one hand on my back and held the other hand as if we were still dancing. Really, though, we were just sidestepping.

"I love you. Happy graduation day," said Alfred with a breathy sigh.

"I heard that," Gilbert whispered from the other side of the room. "Did you hear it, Mr. Kiku's dad? It was cute."

"Arthur, this is like our wedding night, no?"

"Roderich, you're such a good dancer…"

"I love you, Feliciano."

I couldn't help but smile at all these dorky and wonderful people around me.

X

After I had opened all my presents, played a few games, taken photos, and said goodbye to everyone, it was time to go to bed. I was brushing my teeth in the downstairs bathroom when Matthew came in.

"Hey, Kiku. I have another present for you. It's a...well, here."

He handed me a piece of clothing, so I set my toothbrush down to unfold it. It was an oversized sweater with a little white bear in the middle.

"I know bears are actually _my_ thing, but it was cute. If it's too cute for you, I can take it back-"

I hugged Matthew. Matthew had helped me on the first day of school, had been there for me no matter what, and was the closest thing I'd ever had to a brother. Matthew was still scarred just like Alfred. He'd been through so much, and meant a lot to me.

"Thank you, Matthew. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Matthew, unlike Alfred all those times, immediately hugged me back. I didn't expect him to. Despite everything that had happened in his life, he still radiated a warmth and kindness that I had seen in so few people. He actually hugged me with a sort of force, like he really loved me. It wasn't the hug I had experienced two years ago where it felt like he was saying goodbye. This felt like a hug telling me "I love you, too."

"You're welcome, Kiku. Thank you."

As he walked out of the bathroom and told me goodnight, I could have sworn his eyes were glazed over. He was smiling with a sincere smile, though, so that's all that mattered.

I trudged up the stairs and into Alfred's bedroom. It felt a lot like my own bedroom, since I slept in it most of the time. I barely stayed over at my own house. My dad had better hours, but I still liked being around Alfred and his family. Well, my family.

"Did Matt give you the sweater thing? He spent, like, weeks picking one out. You do like cute things, though."

"Hmm," I said as I crawled into bed. "I was thinking about getting a rabbit or something. They're cute. Maybe a hamster or guinea pig."

Alfred hummed as he turned on the star projector and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I like those. How cool would a pet alien be, though?"

Not very cool at all.

"Cool, I guess."

After a brief silence, Alfred asked me, "Do you think you'll still love me when we get old and stuff? You mentioned it earlier, but...old people are weird. You look at them and only see them as old, but they still think they're that young kid. Will you see me as old or as I am now?"

I'd never really put much thought into it. I tilted my head back to look at Alfred, who was looking at me with such an innocent and determined expression.

"I just know I'll always love you," I replied.

"Mmm. Good thing I'm not lactose intolerant, because that was cheesy."

I wanted to hit that man with a pillow. That was the dumbest joke I had ever heard.

"Will we ever get married?" Alfred asked in a hushed whisper. He almost sounded worried, as if he didn't know what I would say.

"Hmm...probably…" I yawned.

"I hope so...I really hope so…" Alfred said as he snuggled up closer to me.

And under the stars, we fell asleep.

**Matt is asexual AND aromantic. And I swear to God, if any of you bitch about how I had the opportunity to include PruCan and didn't, you should go back and actually read the damn story. Matt is asexual. I hate PruCan and I SAID IT. Amount of people who have asked me to put PruCan in the story thus far because they haven't paid attention: 7. There's only so much I can take before I say something. Also, next chapter is the last one. I hope you all stock up on tissues for it.**


	25. Wedding

**Thank you very much to all the people who have joined me in this journey. I've gained so many friends through writing this fic, and I can't believe I'm ending it. I will be posting my new AU soon, so look out for that! I'm really excited about that one. Anyway, thank you for reading Scars. I hope to see you again! (Also please stop demanding that I continue "The Love He Deserves" because it's reallyreallyreallyreally annoying.)**

It was a hectic day. Everyone was running around and doing everything for me when I felt powerless to help. It felt just like my graduation party from five years ago.

"Hey, get out of this room. They're putting the cake in here and you're not allowed to see it!" I heard Matthew yell from behind me.

I sighed and tugged at my tie. I wasn't allowed to eat anything since it was white. My whole entire suit was, as a matter of fact. And Arthur told me it was good that I didn't eat in case I got nervous and threw up all over the place.

"I'm not allowed to see anything, even though it's my own wedding." I let out a sarcastic chuckle and followed Matthew out to the parking lot. Matthew made sure to remind me that I couldn't sit down or else I would ruin my tux.

"I'm really scared about what my dad thinks...he keeps asking me if I know I'm gay." I pulled off a leaf from a nearby tree and started to tear it into strips.

Matthew leaned against the brick building and sighed. "Well, you don't know. I don't know that I'm asexual. Nobody can truly know until they try everything. I always thought I hated asparagus until I tried it. Then I did."

After a silence, I asked, "...Did you like it?"

"No. It was disgusting. And I've had sex with quite a few people, actually. I hated it every single time. And I was never attracted to any of them. I knew I didn't like it as a kid, but I could never know until I tried. Sexuality is an ice cream shop, Kiku."

"An ice cream shop?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. You can't walk into the shop and say you hate all the flavors without trying any. You have to try every single one to know for sure what ones you like. Sure, you've tried both chocolate and vanilla, but have you tried the lemon-banana?"

I scrunched up my nose. "Lemon-banana?"

Matthew shrugged and looked up at the sky. "May sound gross, but you never know until you try it. Anyway, you go after what you think you like. And you've found someone you want to spend your life with. That's all the matters, eh? Gotta go after what you want and say screw what everyone else thinks. Unless you're fucking dogs or something."

"Alfred is not a dog."

"But Pochi? Oh ho, Kiku, you said you loved your dog that one time, are you sure it's-"

I elbowed him in the ribs and he started laughing.

"I'm joking!" he yelled. "And I wonder how Pochi is doing. He has a little tuxedo on, poor guy. And if he messes up, the whole thing will be ruined."

We stood outside for a few moments, talking over life, Alfred, and everything that had led us to this point. Here I was, twenty-three years old and getting married. I got to spend as long as I had left with Alfred. And our whole family was there to support me.

"Alfred seemed really nervous, though," said Matthew. "He said he's still not sure that anyone could love someone like him…" Matthew scuffed his shoe as he turned around to go back inside.

"Really?" I laughed. "What a dork. Does he think I was joking for the past...let's see...six years that we've been dating?"

"I don't know. I just think he still can't believe it's all real."

He walked inside where we faced Francis, who was sweating and nervous, pacing about.

"Where have you been?" he screeched as he grabbed my shoulders. "The wedding starts in about...twenty minutes! Go, go! Get into your dressing room."

I did as I was told, saying goodbye to Matthew. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to see the best man either. I was promptly scolded by the dressing team for leaving the premises, then checked over again and again for lint or a hair out of place. Francis paced the room while Arthur probably paced around Alfred's. They were more nervous than I was.

"Can I see Pochi-"

I was cut off by someone yelling for me to get into my place. Women were holding my hands and crying, telling me how handsome I looked. I really just wanted them all to go away. There was only one person that I was here for.

They lined me up at the door and started to fret over me once again. I folded my hands together and swallowed, knowing that the only thing separating Alfred and I was the large, wooden door of a church. Neither of us were Christian, so we weren't having a priest say our vows. However, Francis was religious and he set up the whole entire thing.

I took in a death breath once the music started to play. I felt frozen in place, as if this whole thing were actually just a dream. The past six years together with Alfred as he watched me graduate, the very next year when I watched him do the same, all the phone calls we had shared while we both studied hard in college, the very few visits we got on vacations until I eventually got down on one knee underneath the tree, right in front of his mother. I wanted her to see her son at the happiest she'd ever wish for him.

The wooden doors swung open and everyone stood up. I quickly noticed Antonio and Lovino, trying to keep their little adopted daughter from bouncing up and down. Next to them was Feliciano and Ludwig, who had engagement rings on their fingers. Was that...a tomato-shaped one on Feliciano?

I started to walk forward, unaware of what face I should make. It was just like a birthday party, where everyone is watching your big moment and you have no idea what to do. I tried to look at the pews full of people out of the corner of my eyes. I noticed my father and Alfred's parents, watching me with huge grins on their faces. As I got closer to the front, however, I finally looked up to watch Alfred.

He was unable to stop himself from smiley that big, dorky grin. He just kept watching me and bouncing nervously on his heels, staring at me with the most loving expression I had ever seen on a person. His beautiful blue eye had a tear trailing from it, about to drop onto his white tuxedo that was identical to my own. As I neared the steps, I could feel my stomach knotting up. I didn't think I'd be so nervous.

The person reading for the ceremony was actually a woman. She started in on her little speech, but I could only focus on Alfred. He was smiling so big at me that I feared his face would freeze that way. He gripped my hands tightly in his own. I could tell from the way he was breathing that he was trying so hard not to cry, but it eventually overpowered him.

I heard a bark, and Pochi began to trot down the aisle. He was wearing a tuxedo for dogs, and carried our two rings on a pillow that was hooked on his back. Once he reached the stairs, he waited for us to take the rings before sitting down and watching us.

"...take Kiku to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Alfred didn't even realize that the woman was speaking to him because he was crying so hard. He let go of my hands to wipe at his face and try to stop himself from sobbing.

"I-I'm sorry…" He turned to everyone in the room. "I-I'm just s-so h-h-happy."

Arthur was sobbing as well and giving his son a thumbs up. A few people in the room laughed, including Matthew behind me. I couldn't believe that he was still here and able to watch as his little brother got married to the man he loved. I was grateful to hear that laugh.

"I-I do. I really, really do," said Alfred in a watery voice.

"And do you, Kiku Honda-"

"I do!" I shouted as I pulled Alfred in for a kiss. The whole room filled with laughter and applause as the woman behind us finished the vows.

"I guess you may now kiss the groom, but you already have!"

Words were whispered into ears as rings were slipped onto shaking hands. The whole room as alive with joy, and the couple of the hour brought their lips together once more to celebrate that they were finally married.

X

"It is like this, okay? Daddy is going to swing you around! You can walk on my shoes if you want!"

Antonio was trying to get his little daughter to dance with him at the reception. She giggled as her dress spun around and she wrapped her arms around Antonio's neck. Lovino walked over to help him and she grabbed onto his leg.

"Daddy, Daddy!" she squealed in excitement as her little bow bounced up and down on her head.

Matthew came and sat down next to Alfred and I, who were trying our hardest to be social. We were sitting with Gilbert and Ludwig, who were telling us all about how Elizabeta and Roderich were no longer together.

"I have a chance now!" Gilbert yelled, picking at his wedding cake with a fork. "She finally left that loser."

"Pretty sure they broke up because of finances, but whatever. Hey, nice speech, Kiku. It was really nice of you to talk about Matthew," Ludwig remarked.

I looked over at Matthew who was blushing madly. I had mentioned him quite a few times in my speech that the reception.

"Thanks," I said, pulling some of the thick icing off the cake. The cake was multicolored and looked beyond gross because Alfred had picked it out. He liked brightly colored cakes that looked like they would destroy your insides.

"Hey Al, at least we don't have to sit alone in the corner like Dad and Papa's wedding, huh? I'm so damn happy for you, little brother." Matthew started to tear up.

"Don't go soft on me, big bro," said Alfred as he poked Matthew with his fork. "You always were nicer than me."

"Says the dude who cried at the altar," said Gilbert with a snort.

Ignoring the laughter around me, I focused on Antonio and Lovino dancing with their child. It looked like so much fun, having a kid that you could raise together. The whole family was laughing and dancing around, raising this little girl…

I was snapped back to reality by Alfred asking me to dance with him. A slow song had started to drift through the speakers, and couples were making their way to the dance floor. Everyone watched as the two grooms made themselves front and center.

"It's like that day at your graduation, right?" Alfred whispered to me.

"Yes…" I said as I nuzzled my face into his coat. "I love you just as much now as I did then."

X

I waited in complete darkness for it to stop. I had been walking around for hours in agony, trying my hardest to keep from collapsing on the floor from exhaustion.

"Please...no more…" I begged to myself. "No more…"

I heard the door slowly creak open, so I backed away in fear. A voice called out to me, but I was too tired to say anything back. I just wanted it all to stop.

"Kiku? Are you okay?"

I ran to Alfred, trying to keep my voice down low. I was completely drained of any energy after being kept up all night.

"No more, please. I can't."

Alfred looked at the crib behind me quizzically. "I don't hear anything?" he said to me.

We both crept over to the crib, where Mei was sound asleep. She had been crying for the past five hours, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I may have been thirty-five, but I still didn't know anything about being a new parent.

"Kiku, she's sleeping. You're a good father, okay?" Alfred kissed me on the head lovingly, then wrapped his arms around me. "Let's go back to bed, okay? You can listen to the baby monitor if you're that nervous. But get some sleep."

I looked around the nursery that Alfred and I had painted together. Baby elephants were all over the walls, and a rocking chair sat in the corner for when Alfred and I felt like rocking the baby. She cried quite often, but she still loved her daddies. I could have sworn she was going to start walking soon. Mei could already pull herself up in the crib on her own.

"I'm sorry, Alfred. I tried and tried to get her to be quiet, but I couldn't-"

Alfred kissed me gently on the lips and picked me up, bridal style.

"You're going to bed," he said as he nudged open the door to the bedroom with his foot. The light from the moon was shining through the window, showing the little streaks of silver that he had running through his hair. He was starting to gray at such an early age, but he was still the same handsome man I had met all those years ago.

I crawled into bed next to him, exhausted beyond belief. Then I reached over and fumbled around with the switch on the wall.

"Oh, you're turning that on?" Alfred asked as he snuggled up next to me.

"Yes," I murmured as I finally hit the switch. The room lit up, the walls casting a faint glow of dots over our skin.

"Andromeda is still my favorite," Alfred muttered as I turned around and pressed my face to his chest. Honestly, how did I ever get so lucky to have such a great life?

.

.

.

_"Now, Kiku, go take a seat. How about you sit back there with Mr. Jones?"_

Scars: end


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